Wings
by kateeveryday
Summary: Can two broken souls find love in the darkest of places? Current with the TV show as it airs, but obviously with my own spin. Daryl/OC.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

I didn't know how much more I could walk without rest. My backpack felt heavier with every step, and I knew I was in bad shape when I considered ditching the only remnants of food that I had left, just to help take the weight off. I had to find shelter, and I had to find it fast, before I collapsed.

I shielded my eyes with my hand and looked out at the horizon. I resisted turning around, as I didn't want to think of Charleston. Rather, I refused to think of Charleston. I wouldn't, couldn't ever, go back there.

On the right side of the road a couple of miles down there appeared to be some buildings. I had no idea what I was facing but I had to take the chance. I walked two more miles closer before I stopped to scope out the buildings. I set my backpack down on the ground for a moment so I could rest. I crouched down next to it. My legs seemed to cry out in relief. I shifted my machete to the side so it wasn't poking me in its sheath. I took out my bottle of water and took a small swig. I blinked against the bright sun that beat down on me relentlessly. Georgia sun took a very heavy toll on you. I didn't see any movement among the buildings, but that didn't mean that they weren't there. You could never assume anything nowadays.

I lifted my backpack up and put it back on my shoulders. I unsheathed my machete and held it ready as I walked the rest of the way. It was a small set of buildings, maybe three or four, but if they didn't have any hidden surprises they showed promise. At the very least I could rest here for a day or two before moving on. It wasn't smart to stay anywhere for too long anymore.

I walked up to the first building and stood on my tiptoes to peer in the dusty window. I wiped off the glass with my hand and looked inside. It was a diner of some kind. I saw about ten tables with chairs, and they were scattered across the room. There were also a couple of booths in the back. Someone had obviously been in here since the world went to hell, but still it didn't look as if it had been too recent. I walked over to the front door. It was partially open, and I pushed it open all the way. It creaked loudly, and I winced. I held my breath, but I heard nothing. I stepped in. Dust swirled around in the air and I stifled a sneeze. I held my machete in front of me as I began to explore the diner. I peeked behind the food counter and into the back, where the owner had obviously held business in an office off to the right. Finally I checked the bathroom. Nothing.

I sighed in relief and walked over to a booth in the back. I took off my backpack and put it down on the table. I collapsed into the seat and stretched out my legs. I reached into my bag and took out my gun, setting on the table in front of me and clicking off the safety. I relaxed back into the chair. It felt so good to be sitting I couldn't help but close my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being woken by a low moaning. My eyes flew open and I sat up straight, knocking my machete across the table. It flew down onto the floor and went spinning across the room, coming to rest underneath a table. It was dusk outside, and the sun shone through the dusty windows. Shuffling slowly towards me on the opposite side of the room by the door was a walker. I eyed my machete but knew I couldn't reach it in time. I grabbed my gun instead and sighting the walker, pulled the trigger. It went down, the back of its head splattering on the table behind it. I hated to do that. Causing unnecessary noise made me paranoid; that's why I had latched onto my machete when I found it. I stood up and went to retrieve my machete. I sheathed it and looked over at the walker, wondering what to do with it. I didn't want to sleep with it here in the room with me. Where had it come from? How had it gotten in? I looked at the front door again. It was hanging partway open. How could I have been that stupid?

Frowning, I went to the back of the restaurant and looked for something to prop the back door open with. I found a heavy paperweight in the office and I walked back to the back door, placing it in front of it. The door skidded a little but finally stayed. I went back to where the walker lay, and I grasped it by the ankles. I dragged it through the restaurant towards the back door. It left a nasty smudge on the floor as it went, but I didn't care. I just wanted it gone. I pulled it out into the yard and deposited it at the corner of the lot. I walked back into the restaurant and shut the back door firmly. I went back to check the front door and it had opened again. So that was the problem: it wouldn't stay shut. I looked at the door, and noticed the warping in the door for the first time. I went to the back and got the paperweight again. I put it against the front door and it stayed shut. I knew I needed something heavier, though, just in case. I went to the back of the restaurant again and began digging through the cabinets of the kitchen. I didn't find anything heavy in there, so I went into the office. I was digging through the supply closet of the office when I thought I heard a scraping sound. I sat up quickly, my hand going to my machete. I held my breath, straining my ears towards the noise. There was definitely a scraping sound. And I heard more moaning. It was a low, thrumming guttural sound that shook me to my core because I knew what it meant. A hoard. I stood up and charged down the short hallway to the main dining room. The front door was open again, and walkers were coming in, one right after another. The windows were dark, and I couldn't see anything outside of them besides walker bodies.

I glanced around frantically. I wasn't near my bag or my gun; all I had was my machete. The walkers were blocking my way towards the front and the back door. Fear rose up in my throat, all too familiar fear. I pushed it back down so I could quickly think. The back door looked like my best bet. I gave up my bag for a loss and headed for the back door. I dropped the first walker I came to with a machete to the eye; then another after that. I got two more walkers before I felt one reach for the back of my shirt. I whirled around and pushed it away from me, and then I felt more cold hands on my neck. I looked desperately over the tops of the walkers; I was so close to the back door, but I couldn't get there. I stabbed and slashed with my machete, but they were still coming, faster than I could kill them. Panic blossomed in my chest and began to choke me. I couldn't breathe. Fingers were clawing at my skin. I closed my eyes and sunk to my knees.

And then I heard gunfire. Walkers dropped around me, one by one. A walker with an arrow sticking freshly out of its eye fell in front of me. "Come on!" A hand, a very human hand, grabbed my arm and yanked me upright. I was practically dragged across the walker's bodies and shoved out into the night. A group of three people had run out of the diner, guns still smoking. Dead walkers littered the ground around the restaurant. A car hummed on the side of the road, and I was pushed in its direction. There was a motorcycle parked behind it, and the guy who had pulled me out of the hoard climbed onto it after slinging his crossbow across his back. "Get in!" he yelled at me, like I was dumb for standing around. I looked at the man hopping into the driver's seat. He was holding a silver revolver. I didn't have time to think; the back door was being held open by a young Asian guy who was gesturing me inside. He grabbed my arm and helped me in. The door was slammed shut. The car took off, the motorcycle following close behind it.

"Did you get bitten?" the guy in the driver's seat asked me, eyeing me in the rearview mirror. My adrenaline was pumping so hard I doubted I could feel any pain from a bite, so I looked myself over quickly.

"No." I shook my head. "Thank you for coming in there. I thought I was a goner."

"So did we." the driver said.

"Would you mind putting that away?" the guy sitting next to me asked. I looked down, and I was still gripping my machete so hard my knuckles were white. I loosened my grip and put it in its sheath. It was officially all I owned now. He grinned at me. I didn't smile back as reality dawned on me. I had nothing, and I had no idea where these people were taking me. I didn't even have a gun. What if they were like the people that...I pushed the thought aside. At least I had my machete, and they hadn't taken it away from me. Yet.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To the prison." he said. "We were on our way back when we saw the hoard. Rick figured someone was stuck in there to attract all of that attention, so we decided to stop and help." He lifted his baseball cap and rubbed at his hair before putting it back on. "Obviously he was right."

"Obviously." I said. I turned around to look at the guy on the motorcycle driving close behind us. The guy riding it was wearing a vest with angel wings embroidered on it. I had a feeling I would be seeing those wings in my mind for a long time. Angel, indeed.

"Where are you from?" the young guy asked.

"Charleston." I replied.

"How'd you end up here?" he asked. "Are you by yourself?"

I ignored his first question. "Yes, I am."

He raised his eyebrows. "You must be a pretty tough girl to have come here from Charleston by yourself."

I wasn't always by myself. I shrugged and looked away. "Just good at surviving, I guess."

"Nice machete." he said. "We have a girl with a katana you might get along with."

I looked into the rearview mirror. The driver's eyes kept flicking towards me. He was studying me, and I didn't blame him. These people didn't know me. They didn't have to save me, and they certainly didn't owe me anything else. We drove along in silence for a while until I saw a prison in the distance. A young boy in a cowboy hat opened the metal gates and let us in, shutting them behind us. When we got out of the SUV the driver held a hand up to me. The guy with the motorcycle climbed off and walked over to us. He watched me with narrowed eyes.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but we need to hold you in a cell until I talk this over with my group." the driver said. "We'll get you food and water, but I can't let you around anybody else. Daryl will take you."

The motorcycle guy started walking, and I followed him. The crossbow on his back bounced with every step. Fear was threatening to climb up again. The last time I had been alone…I put my hand on my machete and squeezed the handle. I wouldn't let that happen again.

I followed Daryl into the prison. The few people milling around the front looked at me curiously and also suspiciously as we passed. I bit my lip and looked down at the floor. Daryl took me to a cell on the very end and pushed back the door. He stepped aside and I walked in. I turned back around and looked at him numbly while he closed the door with a loud clang. He kept his hand on the bars, looking back at me.

"Thanks." The word burst out of my mouth before I realized I had said it.

"For what?" he asked. His voice was gravelly and low.

"Pulling me out of that mess." I replied.

He shrugged with one shoulder. "Looked like you needed help."

"I did." I said. I sat down on the bunk and laughed quietly, gazing at the wall across from me. "I do."

I felt his eyes on me, so I looked back over at him. When my eyes met his, he looked away. He lifted his hand off of the bars and straightened his crossbow. "Gotta go back and see Rick." And then he was gone. I stood up and walked over to the door, clutching the bars. I watched him walk down the hallway until he was out of sight. I leaned my head against the cell door and sighed.

I woke up with a jolt early the next morning. I was confused at first, not recognizing my surroundings. Slowly the memories of yesterday came back to me. I sat up on the bunk and saw Daryl standing on the other side of the bars. He must have made a noise that woke me.

"You hungry?" he asked. He was chewing on a toothpick and looking at me with squinted eyes.

"Not really." I said, even though I knew I should eat. I didn't know when I'd be offered food again. "But what do you have?"

"Oatmeal. Cereal. Other stuff." he replied. Helpful, I thought. He shouldn't talk so much.

"Oatmeal's fine." I said. He turned around and walked off without another word. I stood up and stretched. I had slept well for a change; the bunk felt almost like a real bed. It was better than what I was used to. I had slept with my machete next to me; I put it back in its sheath and stood by the bars to wait for Daryl.

He came back a few minutes later, a bowl of oatmeal in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. He unlocked the bars of the cell and pushed open the door. I stepped back and he walked in, placing the food on the bunk. "It's apple cinnamon." he said.

I sat down and picked up the bowl. "Thank you." I said, meaning it. They certainly didn't have to feed me.

He left the cell and closed the door behind him, but he didn't leave. He peered in at me, and for a moment I felt like an animal would have at the zoo. He had a very unnerving gaze. "Why were you alone?" he asked.

I couldn't look at him; instead I looked into my bowl, as if it would give me the answers. If there were any in there, I couldn't see them. I shrugged. "All of my stuff is gone." I said, ignoring his question. "My backpack is still there."

"I can get it." he replied. I eyed him skeptically.

"We barely got out of there alive." I said. "That would be suicidal."

It was his turn to shrug. "I'm not afraid."

"I don't need it." I said. "I can find other stuff eventually if you all would just give me enough food to last a day or two when I leave."

"Why are you leaving?" he asked.

I put down my bowl. "Uh, I don't belong here."

"Says who?"

Says the people keeping me locked up in a cell, I thought. "I'm not going to intrude on anyone. I'm fine on my own."

"So was I." he said. "But here I am."

I really looked at him then. His dark hair fell in his eyes. He had a lot of tattoos and his skin was tanned from the sun. He was wearing the angel wing vest, and a handkerchief stuck out of his back pocket. His crossbow was slung across his back casually; I guessed for my benefit. His face was hard and closed off. I wondered what his story was, but if he was anything like me he wasn't willing to share it. I put down my bowl.

"I'm finished." I said. "I'd offer to wash it out but I don't imagine I'm going to be let out of here anytime soon."

He broke our eye contact and looked back down the hallway. "They've already decided to let you stay here. Rick's coming here now to tell you." He pushed himself off of the bars and walked back down the hallway. "Congrats." he said, over his shoulder. "You passed."

I sat down slowly on the bed and waited for Rick. I knew then that everything had changed.

Several Months Later

"What are we supposed to do?" Carol asked worriedly, frown lines etched upon her face.

We all had frown lines. Time does that to a person. No matter how many face creams we slather on or shots we poke into our necks, time made all of us look hard. Especially during the apocalypse, or whatever this is.

"Keep surviving, I guess." Glenn said. "Keep doing what Rick had us doing."

"What, getting killed?" Merle snorted.

"Shut up, Merle." Maggie snapped.

"All he's done is get people killed." Merle said. "How many of us were there to start and how many are there now?"

Daryl stood. "She said shut up, Merle."

"Is that so? You gonna make me shut up, little brother?" Merle walked over to Daryl and stood almost nose-to-nose with him. Tensions were still running high between the brothers after they left and Daryl came back, Merle reluctantly with him. It crushed me when he left, but still he came back. I was holding onto that.

"Don't push me." Daryl said, his voice low.

"Tough guy. Think you're boss around here?" Merle asked mockingly. "Only boss I saw is riding the crazy train over some dead whore."

Daryl pushed him, hard. I jumped up and stood up front of Daryl, holding my arms out. "Guys, stop!" I yelled. Merle leaped back towards Daryl, his arms whirling to balance himself. The contraption on the end of his hand shot out and smacked me across the face. My lip burst open immediately and I fell sideways, to my knees. The room was quiet for a beat, and then it was pandemonium. I felt a rush of air over my head as Daryl leaped clear over me, taking Merle down with him. Arms and legs were flying through the air as the brothers pummeled each other. Glenn tried to intervene, waiting for a moment to jump in between them. Maggie grabbed a clean rag and knelt down next to me, holding it out to my mouth.

"Are you okay?" she asked, brow furrowed. I nodded and took the rag from her, standing up.

"I'm done here." I left the fighting brothers and swung open the door into the infirmary. The yelling stopped once the door was closed behind me, and I walked over to a cabinet, pulling down a first aid kit. I lifted off the lid and looked down into the kit. Thoughts swirled in my brain. We were fading fast without our leader, but I, along with everyone else, didn't know what to do about Rick. We had all suffered loss, but I still couldn't imagine what he was going through, especially with a new baby with no mother.

I took the box and sat down on a picnic bench that had been dragged into the room. I sat down on one of the benches and held the rag to my mouth, staring into the box.

I knew Daryl was coming before he opened the door. "You okay?"

I turned and looked at him. His shirt was nearly torn off, he bled from several cuts on his face, and was that a bruise on his eye already? My heart twisted, but I nodded. "You?"

He sat down next to me on the bench, straddling the seat to face me. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Wasn't your fault."

He reached over and took the rag from my hand. He peered at my lip, and then rummaged in the first aid kit. He pulled out the alcohol and a clean cloth, pouring some on top of it. He held the cloth over my mouth, hesitating. I nodded. He touched the cloth gently to my lip, and I winced.

"Sorry." he said again, his voice deeper and more gravelly than usual. I shrugged. He was gentle, despite the way he looked. He dabbed some antiseptic cream on my cut, and then nodded. "Done."

I took the bottle of alcohol from his hands. "My turn." I gestured to him.

He shrugged. "Where do you want to start?" he asked.

"Where does it hurt the most?" I asked back. He didn't answer, and his eyes shifted away from mine. I stood up and looked him over. He had some cuts on his face, but they were pretty superficial. I walked around behind him and stopped. His shirt had been ripped from his back, and it hung in shreds towards the floor. But that wasn't what startled me. Old scars twisted and pulled across his back. What looked like burn marks were scattered among them, along with a few fresh cuts from Merle. I swallowed my questions and sat down behind him, swinging one leg over the bench.

"Ready?" I asked, once I had the cloth covered in alcohol and Daryl had removed what was left of his shirt. He nodded. I touched the cloth gently to a cut, biting the inside of my cheek as his muscles tightened. He didn't say anything, though. I cleaned each cut slowly, hating that I was causing him more pain, but he never flinched. I applied antibiotic ointment and bandaged the bigger cuts. I wasn't sure what Merle had slammed him up against, but I knew it had to hurt. Daryl breathed slowly, his sinewy shoulders rising and falling. I set the bottle and bandages aside. I turned back to him and looked down. His back was a map of pain. I lifted a fingertip to a scar, hesitating. Then I placed the pad of my finger against one, tracing it down his shoulder blade. Suddenly he shuddered, and I jerked my hand back.

"Sorry." I said quickly, embarrassed. "Sorry."

"No." he said, gruffly, after a pause. "Don't stop."

I sucked in a silent breath. My heart thundered in my ears as I lifted my fingers again to his back, tracing each and every scar as gently as I could. I wondered who had done this to him and why they had wanted to. I avoided the new cuts I had just fixed up. I traced over each scar and the little mountains they made on his skin. His skin was warm and smooth besides the scars. It felt good underneath my fingers. I took my hands and splayed my fingers over the wings tattooed on his back. He tensed up, and I pulled away. What was I doing?

"I'm sorry." I said again. "I don't-"

Daryl swiftly turned around on the bench. His eyes looked slightly glossed over. "Don't." he interrupted me. "I liked it. I wanted you to." He reached up and put the pad of his thumb on my cut lip. "No one else...I haven't ever…it felt like you were erasing them." he said softly. His hand cupped my neck. "Did he hurt you?"

I could barely hear him over my pounding heart. "No." I said. "Did he hurt you?" I wasn't sure who I was asking about.

He looked into my eyes, his own searing. "Doesn't hurt anymore." His hand stayed curled around my neck, but his thumb traveled down my throat. "Your pulse is racing. Why?"

"I'm scared." I whispered.

"Me too." He dropped his hand, to my disappointment. Then he smiled. "But I like being scared." He leaned over and pressed his mouth to my neck, where his thumb had been resting over my thudding vein. Soft lips pressed gently against my skin, and I closed my eyes. His hair tickled my cheek. "I like making your heart race. It matches mine."

He stood then, and he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up early the next morning but stayed in my cell until everyone else had gone down to breakfast in the cafeteria. I had always been drawn to Daryl, more than I should have, but last night had me unbelievably confused. Did he possibly feel the same way? I didn't see him again after he kissed me, so I couldn't get any answers. And now with the possibility of seeing him at breakfast, my stomach was twisted up in knots. I didn't know how to act or what to say, and I wasn't good at pretending. I had fallen for Daryl almost immediately after meeting him, but I held those emotions in reserve, not wanting to cause any problems in our barely-held-together group. However, I had fallen asleep almost every night thinking of him. Never had I imagined he could possibly feel the same way.

I screwed up my courage and left my cell finally, taking the corridor to the cafeteria. I heard laughter and clinking noises from the dishes. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door, right into Glenn.

"I'm sorry!" I said, covering my mouth with my hands. "I'm sorry!"

Glenn laughed. "It's my fault for standing so close to the door."

"He needs a good whack every once in a while." Maggie said, winking at me.

"She's probably upset she wasn't the one to do it." Glenn replied ruefully.

I laughed then, but the sound died in my throat when I looked over and my eyes met Daryl's. He had been watching me. An empty tray sat in front of him. He had already eaten, but he was still waiting for something. Me? I felt a blush creep up my cheeks, and I lost my nerve. I stepped around Glenn and walked over to the pantry, rummaging for something to eat. Or something to do, I wasn't sure.

"I saved you a can of peaches if you want 'em."

I turned around, and there he was, looking down at me. The bruise around his eye had darkened, and his hair was a little more mussed than usual, but his eyes gazing into mine were all I saw.

"Thanks." I said, shyly.

"Sleep all right?" he asked. I loved the sound of his voice. Deep and rough yet so sweet when he wanted it to be.

"Couldn't." I admitted, after a moment of hesitation. I wasn't sure what to say, and I didn't want to scare him, but I felt honesty was the best policy.

The lines around his eyes crinkled as he lifted a corner of his mouth in a half smile. "Me either." He held the peaches out, and I took them. We walked back to the main table together and sat down next to each other. I opened the can and dug in, grateful for the sweetness of the peaches and the fact that Daryl's leg kept brushing against mine under the table.

"Okay, on the agenda for today." Glenn said. "We need to do a sweep on cell block D. We need to check on the vegetables growing inside. We need to run into town for supplies for Judith. And we need to organize food rations for the next week. Who wants to do what?"

"I'll check on the vegetables." Maggie said.

"I'll run into town." Daryl said. My heart clenched. I hated when anyone made runs into town, but especially him. The odds of not coming back were too painful to think of.

"I'll go with him." I said suddenly.

"No." he said. "Too dangerous."

"Everything we do is dangerous." I protested.

"No need to take extra risks." He shook his head.

"There's room on the bike." I replied.

"No, there isn't." he said.

"I'm going with you." I said back. I stood up. "Should we get started?" I ignored the glare I was receiving from him, and I headed out of the cafeteria, back towards my cell. I grabbed my backpack and turned around, ready to swing it over my shoulders. I bumped into him blocking my way.

"You aren't going." The smile from earlier was long gone from his face.

"Yes, I am." I said. "I don't want you to go alone."

"I've always been on my own." he said.

"Not anymore." I replied. "Let's go."

He grabbed my arm as I stomped past him and swung me back around to face him. "If you insist on this, you're going to do whatever I say when I say it. If you see a walker, don't be a hero. Let me deal with it. I want…I need to keep you…" he trailed off, unable or unwilling to finish, I didn't know which.

I rolled my eyes despite the feelings his words evoked. "I can take care of myself." I replied. "I have killed more walkers than I can count."

His hand squeezed on my arm, just enough to make me stop talking. "I need you. " He paused, his eyes drilling in to mine. "Safe." he added.

I swallowed. "Okay." I agreed, nodding. "Okay. I'll do whatever you say."

He nodded back. "Let's go." He swung his crossbow over his back and led the way out of the prison. We walked to his motorcycle in silence. He grabbed a helmet and handed it to me, and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Where's yours?" I asked.

"Don't need one." he replied.

I rolled my eyes and climbed onto the bike behind him after snapping on my helmet. He had hung his crossbow off of the side of the bike and suddenly I was self-conscious to be pressed so closely up against him.

"Put your arms around me." he said over his shoulder. "Tight."

I bit my lip, but I slid my arms around his waist, underneath his leather vest. His stomach was smooth and hard under my hands, and chills raced down my spine, remembering how he had looked last night. So vulnerable, for once. Not like the rough Daryl I was used to. He started the bike and we took off, Glenn locking the gates behind us. The cold wind bit at my face as we drove. I didn't know how he could stand it, with no helmet on. I turned my head sideways and laid it against his back, squeezing my eyes shut. We made our way slowly down the highway, picking the easiest path between the rusted out cars. We didn't see any walkers. Still, Daryl drove carefully. Every once in a while he reached behind him and touched me gently on the leg, I guess to see if I was okay. I squeezed my arms around him in return.

We left the highway and turned onto a more rural road with some buildings in the distance. Daryl drove very slowly, careful not to make a lot of noise. We came upon the small outcropping of buildings. They looked picked over already, but Daryl stopped the bike at a building that looked like an old corner store. Or what was once a corner store. He shut the bike off and got off, holding out a hand to help me down. I put the helmet on top of the seat. He let go of my hand and swung his crossbow back around in front of him.

"Stay behind me." he ordered. I slid my machete out of its pouch. Daryl and I eased up to the front the building, hardly daring to breathe. He nudged the door open and walked in. I came in close behind him. We were silent as we moved among the aisles. I didn't see anything immediately that we could use, but if the place was clear of walkers I would look closer. There were two levels to the store, and we checked both of them. We didn't see any walkers, so we started rummaging through the aisles. "Stay close to me." he said. I nodded. I found a few jars of baby food that hadn't expired yet, along with some diapers, and I stuffed them in my backpack. Daryl found some aspirin and burn cream. I picked up a romance novel that had been kicked under a rack.

"Look." I said. "A book we can give your brother."

Daryl smiled then, for the first time since breakfast. My heart warmed. "Or we could just act out the scenes in it." His eyes danced wickedly.

I blushed immediately, but I smirked to cover it. "Don't tempt me."

His smile disappeared, and he leaned close to me. "Listen, I-"

We both heard the noise then. A walker came shuffling out of the back of the store towards us, groaning its unearthly groan of the dead.

"Get back!" Daryl barked at me, shoving me backwards. He swung his crossbow in front of him and sighted the walker, sending an arrow into its forehead. When it went down, we could see two more behind it, and two more behind that. We were too far away from the front of the store to go that way. "Upstairs!" Daryl turned and screamed at me. "Get upstairs, now!"

I hesitated, worried for him, but then I noticed that he was heading towards the upstairs, too. Walkers hadn't quite figured out stairs yet, and it would buy us some time. "How are they getting in?" I asked as I charged up the stairs, Daryl close behind me.

"I don't know." he said grimly. "Keep going!"

The room upstairs seemed to be where the owner lived. Daryl shut the door behind us and locked it. He dropped his crossbow on the bed and shoved a dresser in front of the door. "That should hold 'em a while." he said. He turned to me, a look of concern on his face. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. Are you?"

"Fine." he said. He walked over to the window and peered out. "Walkers." he growled. He paced while he thought a moment.

I put my machete back in its sheath. "What are we going to do?" I asked him. He started piling things on top of the dresser to help hold the door, in case the walkers ever got that far and we hadn't found a safe way out yet. He shoved a fireproof box onto an empty space, then turned to look at me.

"Pick 'em off outside until we can climb down and run." He reached behind him and pulled out a gun, popping the clip out to check the ammo. "Did you bring any guns?" He gestured to my backpack.

I tossed it onto the bed and pulled out Judith's supplies, setting them aside. I lifted out the gun I always kept in my backpack and showed it to him. I popped out the clip. "Fully loaded." I said. "But that's all I've got."

He furrowed his brow. "Then we've got to conserve." He walked over to the window and peered out again. "I count eight walkers down there. We have about thirty rounds. That should be enough, but still try to reserve." He was silent a moment, watching the walkers. He turned back to me, a serious look written on his face. He walked over to me and reached a hand out to smooth the hair out of my eyes. "Please be careful." he whispered.

Before I realized what was happening, he was pressing his mouth hard onto mine. He had dropped the gun onto the bed beside his crossbow, and both of his hands were in my hair. My heart thundered in my chest as he pulled me close to him, our bodies fitting together. I slid my hands underneath his vest, onto his chest. It wasn't long, but the kiss seemed to go on forever, and everything else around me disappeared except for him.

Finally he pulled away. "Time for that later." He winked at me and picked up his gun again. He tucked it into his jeans and grabbed his crossbow. I packed my backpack up in a daze, my lips burning, but when he asked me if I was ready, I refocused again. I would have to think about that kiss later.

Daryl grabbed the sheet off of the bed and tied it onto the bedpost. He opened the window and threw the sheet over. "The noise of our guns is going to attract more walkers, so be ready to run, okay?"

"Okay." I agreed.

He lifted the sill, leaned over, and opened fire on the walkers, who dropped one by one as he shot them square in the head. When that batch was clear, he climbed into the sill and grabbed ahold of the sheet. I could already see more walkers turning towards us in the distance, attracted to the noise.

"Ready?" he asked again. I nodded, my heart racing for an entirely different reason now. He disappeared over the edge, and I ran over to watch him go down. He rappelled down, his trim body handling its weight easily. When he reached the ground, he gestured for me to come down. I tucked my gun into my pants and scrambled up onto the sill. I wasn't in as good of shape as he was, so I went slower. I couldn't run away from walkers with broken legs if I fell. Daryl held out his arms to me while keeping an eye out behind him. I leaped the last few feet into him, and he kept me upright. I spun around and we took off for his motorcycle, drawing our guns. A walker shuffled out in front of me, and I squeezed the trigger. The bullet exited neatly out of the back of its decaying skull. I killed two more walkers before we reached the bike; I had no idea how many Daryl had dispensed. Daryl revved his bike up and I threw on my helmet, jumping on behind him. A fallen walker lunged for my ankle, but we zoomed off before it could get to me, leaving a dusty trail behind us.

"You alright?" he shouted at me, into the wind.

"Yeah, you?" I yelled back.

He nodded.

I squeezed his middle and closed my eyes, resting my head on his back. I was coming down from the adrenaline rush, and thoughts of our kiss flooded back into my head despite the chaos of the last few minutes. I reached up and pressed my fingers against my lips, thinking of his. Soft. Daryl looked hard on the outside, but I was learning his gentler side. And I liked him all the more for it.

We got back on the highway and drove in silence. The sun was bright in the sky, but the wind was cold. Winter was on its way in. I pulled the collar of my shirt up. Daryl's body was keeping me warm from the front, but the rest was cold. We reached a safer part of the road, and Daryl stopped his motorcycle.

"Need gas." he said. We got off of the bike, and he pulled a makeshift siphon from the storage seat. He walked around to a few different cars before he finally found some gas to take.

I took off in the other direction, taking my machete out just in case. I was hoping to find some more medicine or anything for Judith.

"Hey!" Daryl called. I looked back at him, and he was watching me, his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun. "Where are you going?"

"To see if there are any supplies in the cars." I gestured around me.

"Wait for me." he said. "I'll go with you."

"Daryl," I said. "I took care of myself just fine before I joined the group, you know."

He walked back to his motorcycle and emptied the gas he had collected into it. "Don't care." he said. "You said you'd do what I say."

I glared back at him, but I realized he was right. I had said I would do what he said if he'd let me go. I stopped searching and waited for him to catch up with me. He had his crossbow ready, but by his side. We peeked into various cars, never straying far from each other, but finding nothing of value. We came upon a limousine with its front end smashed. I walked to the back and opened the door. I looked in and saw nothing. I grinned and turned to Daryl.

"I always wanted to ride in one of these." I said. I sheathed my machete and climbed into the back. I slid across the plush seats. "Wow, they feel amazing!"

Daryl peered in warily after me. "We should get back."

I leaned back out and grabbed his hands, pulling him into the limo, albeit reluctantly on his part. "Just for a minute." I said. He looked funny sitting next to me. The juxtaposition of tough Daryl with his crossbow against the plush velvet seats was striking. I laughed out loud.

He narrowed his eyes. "What?" he asked gruffly. His legs jiggled up and down nervously, and his hand rested on top of his crossbow.

I kept grinning. "You look slightly out of place." I said. "You don't like velvet?"

He didn't speak for a moment, and I was afraid I had offended him. His silence, such a part of him, made me second guess myself, and the smile left my face. "Don't." he said. "You're beautiful when you smile."

The laughter died in my throat. I wasn't used to being spoken to like that. Daryl was so honest, so real. In a world filled with such ugliness, he stood out like a shining beacon. He always caught me off guard.

He set his crossbow on the floor of the limo and scooted close to me, his legs brushing against mine. "I've been thinkin' about you since you joined the group, you know." he said. His voice was low and deep. My stomach fluttered. "I just didn't think you would ever…until you touched my scars…" he trailed off.

It was my turn to be brave. I leaned over and pressed my lips to his, trying to say with my lips what I felt with my heart. He slid his hands around my waist and pulled me into him, deepening the kiss. My head buzzed with emotions. I knew were both distracted from watching for walkers, but just for once, I didn't want to care. I didn't want to fear. I wanted be only in this moment: with Daryl's arms around me and his mouth on mine. I felt safe here, and I wanted to stay.

After a few moments we pulled away. I put my fingers on my lips, shy suddenly, even though he didn't do anything to make me feel that way.

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry if I'm being a dick." he said. When I gave him a confused look, he continued. "About doing what I say out here. I've just never had something I wanted to protect so much before."

I grinned. "So you think you have me?"

Daryl smiled his rare Daryl smile. "Your mouth says I do."

I screwed up the last of my courage and pulled him to me by his vest. "What does my body say?"

His lips descended over mine, and we settled back into the seats of the limousine, enjoying the way we melded together. His body was so trim and lank and long; his legs getting tangled up with mine. I slid his vest down his shoulders and dropped it onto the floor, the angel wings folding on top of each other. Daryl sat back up, and I lifted his shirt up and over, dropping it onto his vest. While he was upright, he reached behind him and closed the open limousine door, locking it. "Privacy." he murmured, coming back to me. After my shirt had been discarded, he wrapped me up tightly in his arms. "Are you sure?" he asked. "We can stop now, if you want."

I shook my head, never more sure of anything in my life. I both wanted and needed this. Sure, maybe it was a little fast, if I went by the standards we used to live by. But this was a new world, and we weren't ever guaranteed the next five minutes, let alone tomorrow. If I could enjoy this with him now, then that's what I wanted. "Don't stop." I said, my throat filled with tears I refused to shed. "Ever."

So he didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

The weirdest thing about being intimate with someone for the first time is the awkward way you dress afterwards. We had just had the most personal of experiences, yet we turned away from each other to dress, as if we were shy all of a sudden. Daryl waited until I was fully clothed before he reached for the door handle.

"Back to the prison?" he asked. I nodded. He picked up his crossbow and climbed out of the limo, holding out a hand to help me out, too, once he had checked for walkers. When I stood up next to him and smoothed out my clothing, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. "You okay?" he asked.

I smiled. "Never better."

He looked down at me. "Me too." He was a man of not many words, but I was learning how to read him, anyways.

We walked back to his motorcycle. He turned it on and I climbed on behind him, securing my helmet. My arms went more easily around him this time, and he squeezed my knee before we took off. The ride back to the prison was silent but enjoyable. My head swam with memories of how tender he had been to me, how careful and sweet. When the group had rescued me that one day a few months ago, I had never envisioned this happening. I didn't think I'd ever find someone again, not after Matthew. But I had, and he was amazing. I was really falling for him. And it terrified me.

Carl opened up the gates when we got back to the prison, and Daryl parked his motorcycle once we got safely inside. He swung his crossbow around to his back and slung my backpack over his shoulder.

Maggie greeted us inside with Judith, who she was walking around with. "Get anything good?" she asked. "You guys were gone for a while."

Daryl eyed me out of the corner of his eye but didn't say anything. He pulled Judith's supplies out of my backpack and handed them to Carl, who went to put them away. "Not as much as we wanted. Walkers."

Maggie looked up in alarm. "Are you guys okay?"

I nodded, taking my backpack from Daryl and putting in on. "We're fine. Just wish we could have gotten more."

"Bottom line is you're okay." Glenn said. "Thanks for getting what you did."

I stepped around them and headed to my cell to deposit my stuff. "No problem." I said over my shoulder. I walked into my cell and put my backpack down on my bed.

"So do we tell people or what?" I turned around and Daryl had followed me in.

"Tell them what?" I asked. I pulled the gun out of my pants and tossed it onto my bed.

"That we're, uh, together." he replied. He furrowed his brow. "Right?"

A smile crept across my face. "What do you think?" I asked.

He smirked. "I think after what we just did you don't have a choice." He walked up to me and took a piece of my hair, wrapping it around his finger. "And I think I want to do it again."

"Do what again?" Carl asked from behind Daryl. He was carrying some laundry in his arms, and he had stopped at the entrance to my cell. "What did you guys do?"

Daryl dropped his hand and stepped away from me. "Nothing, Carl. What do you have there?"

"Laundry for you that Carol did this morning." He held it out to Daryl who took it from him. He peered at us suspiciously. "Did you guys do something bad?"

Daryl's eyes met mine. "No, Carl." I said. "We were just talking about our run this morning."

"If you did something bad why do you want to do it again?" Carl asked.

That did it for me. Daryl shooed Carl out of my cell while I burst into laughter. He came back smiling, too. He sat down on my bed and stretched out his long legs. "Poor kid had no idea what he walked in to."

I unpacked my backpack, still laughing. "Yeah, Daryl." I said. "If it's so bad, why do you want to do it again?"

He narrowed his eyes, a wicked look on his face. "Cause it's fun, that's why."

"Classic Daryl Dixon, ladies and gentlemen." I said. "Doesn't mince words." I finished unpacking my things and set my backpack on a hook by my door.

"Stay with me in my cell tonight." he said suddenly. I looked over at him and he was serious again. "I don't want you to think I'd do that with just anyone…"

I blinked, taken aback. "I don't think that."

He stood and walked over to me again. He took my hand and brought it up to his mouth, kissing my fingers. "Sometimes I just have a hard time expressing how I'm feeling. I want you to that you're...important."

I reached up and cupped his face with my free hand. His goatee tickled the inside of my palm, and I remembered how it had felt on my body. "I know." I said softly. "And I hope you know how I feel about you."

"Maybe you can show me tonight." His wicked look was back. I didn't hear anyone coming, so I pulled him down to me for a kiss. I didn't know when I would want to tell the others, but I knew I didn't want to today. I wanted today to be just for us; with wonderful memories and no questions from anyone else. Just him and me, together, in every way possible. I wanted to keep the memories of his vest on the floor of the limousine and the fog that our breathing made on the windows with me and never let it go.

Night came quickly, and Daryl and I had decided to wait until the others were asleep before we met up again. It was hard to act normal at dinner. We sat next to each other, which wasn't weird to anyone else, but Daryl kept playing with my leg under the table. I had to keep biting my cheek to keep from laughing, and I know I was blushing. Glenn brought us up to speed on the situation with Rick, who Hershel had medicated and put to sleep in his cell. Carl stayed watch outside of his cell, not wanting to leave his Dad. I felt guilty discussing Rick, who was going through such unimaginable grief, when I had so much new joy with Daryl.

I put everything out of my mind, however, as I left my cell and quietly padded down to Daryl's, who was at the end farthest away from anyone else. Typical Daryl, I thought. It amazed me once again that he wanted to be with me, the guy who acted like he needed no one. Maybe it just took breaking through his shell. I was so thankful he was letting me in.

I whistled softly like we had agreed on to let him know I was coming in. Daryl had hung a sheet over the door to his cell for privacy when he first moved in, and I was grateful for it now. He lifted it up and I ducked underneath, going instantly into his arms. We kissed, and it felt like years had gone by since we had done that last. He lifted me up in his arms and I smothered a laugh as he carried me to his bed. He set me down gently and settled himself over me. It wasn't long before we were undressed, and this time I didn't feel so shy. I really looked at Daryl; at his sinewy muscles and his tattoos and his scars, and I loved each inch of him. He had said it felt like I was erasing his scars, and I wanted to. I really, really wanted to.

A while later we were lying underneath his blanket, my head lying on his chest. I was listening to his heartbeat, slow and steady. He had his arm wrapped around my shoulders, and he was tracing little patterns on my shoulder blade with his finger.

"Why were you alone when we found you?" he asked me suddenly.

I was taken aback. It wasn't a question I had been asked by anybody else, even Rick, and I didn't allow myself to think of the answer very often. I was quiet for a minute while I got up the courage to speak. I sat up, pulling the blanket with me, and stared at the sheet hanging over his cell. "I wasn't always."

Daryl laid his hand on the small of my back. "You were then, though. Why?"

I turned back to look at him, and the way he was staring at me brought tears to my eyes. I tried to blink them away, but one slid down anyway. I dashed it away before he could reach up and do it himself. I reached over beside the bed and picked up my jeans from the floor. I rummaged in the right pocket until I brought out what I was looking for: a ring. I held it up to Daryl, and it winked in the light of the candle he had lit.

He squinted at me. "Is that an engagement ring?" he asked. I nodded. "Was…is he…are you?" He didn't finish.

I shook my head. "We got out of Charleston together, but he didn't make it to Georgia. I got here on my own. That was almost a year ago." I looked down at the ring, feeling all of the emotions again that I had shoved down so deep.

"I'm sorry." Daryl said.

I mentally hauled myself out of that black pit before I could fall in again. Matthew was gone and there was nothing I could do to change it. I needed to focus on the now, here, with Daryl. "Don't be." I said. I clutched the ring in my fist and looked up at him. "I've got you."

He smiled a small smile. "And I have you." He reached back out for me and drew me down to him. He stroked my hair, and it soothed me. "One day I'll tell you how I got my scars."

"When you're ready." I said. I smiled against his chest. I knew from the others that Daryl never talked about himself or where he came from. Again I was shocked at how open he was being with me.

"You're so easy to talk to." he said. "I feel so different when I'm around you. You're not like anybody else I've ever met."

I propped my chin on my hand and gazed down at him. "You're not like anybody, either, Daryl Dixon."

Just as we moved in to kiss again, the cell was flooded with moonlight. "Little brother's got a girlfriend, eh?"

Daryl and I looked up, and there was Merle, leaning into the cell door with his arms poked through the bars. He had pulled the sheet down from where Daryl had it pinned.

"How freakin' adorable. How long has this been going on?" Merle asked. I could tell he was drunk, and it made me afraid, even though Daryl was here. I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it tightly around me.

"Stay here." Daryl whispered in my ear as he slid out of the bed. He grabbed his jeans off of the floor and slid them on. "What are you doing, Merle? Go back to bed." He stood in front of Merle, but I noticed him eyeing his crossbow next to the door. He braced his arms on either side of him on the prison cell door, and the wings tattooed on his back flexed towards each other.

"Just takin' a stroll." Merle said. "Man's allowed to take a stroll when he wants to."

"Then keep strolling." Daryl said. "We're busy."

"I can see that." Merle leaned around Daryl and wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Bought time you got some, little brother. I was startin' to wonder if you were into the fellas."

I couldn't stand Merle looking at me. I pulled my legs up tight into me and closed my eyes. Memories flooded back into my mind. Ripped jeans, two big guys, Matthew, screaming, the smell of alcohol, blood… I took deep breaths to calm myself but it wasn't helping. I squeezed my ring tightly in my fist, trying to get the pain to bring me back to the present.

"Get out of here, Merle." Daryl said. "We can talk in the morning."

Merle laughed. "What's there to talk about? Unless you want to tell me what her pussy's like."

Breathing was getting harder.

"HEY!" Daryl shouted, banging the bars of the prison door. I jumped. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF HERE!"

The screaming didn't help. I could feel their hands on me, squeezing and tearing and pulling. I put my hands over my ears.

Merle held his hands up and backed away from the door. "Okay, okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted. Shut your piehole before people start wakin' up." He continued down the hallway back to the other cells, and Daryl pinned the sheet back up, sighing.

"I'm sorry about that." he said. "Sometimes I wonder-"

I guess he looked at me then, and I didn't look right. I couldn't see much, because of tears or something else, I don't know. Daryl scooped me up into my lap, and he held me as I sobbed into his neck. He didn't ask me what was wrong; he just stroked my hair and let me cry. I was grateful for that, as I feared explaining would make me cry harder. And I hadn't cried since Matthew had died. Not even once. I had existed, but I had not lived. I had breathed, but I had not been alive. That's how I had survived on my own until the group found me, and I didn't want to explain that to Daryl, because he made me feel again. And I was afraid, so very afraid, that I'd lose him, too. I didn't think I could survive it twice.

I was falling in love, and I prayed it didn't mean death.


	4. Chapter 4

I must have fallen asleep eventually, because I woke up with a screaming headache. I blinked against the sunlight and rubbed at my eyes until they focused. The blanket tucked around me wasn't my own, and I couldn't remember where I was for a moment, until I saw my ring on the pillow next to me.

Daryl.

He wasn't in the bed. I picked up my ring and looked at it, last night flooding back into my mind. I sighed and rolled over to get my clothes, when I noticed him leaning up against the wall, watching me. He was fully dressed, his vest with the angel wings on. He was holding two cups of coffee. He knelt by the side of the bed.

"Thought you could use some." he said, handing me the cup. I took it gratefully, taking a big gulp. It burned, but I didn't mind. It was also disgusting, but I didn't mind that, either. You'd take what you could get in the apocalypse.

"Thanks." I said. I was sure I looked awful, with a swollen face and terrible bedhead. He reached out and ran a finger down my cheek.

"Guess we're both broken, huh?" he asked jokingly.

I laughed despite myself. We finished our coffee and he let me get dressed. I walked to the bathroom to clean myself up. When I was done I stood in front of the mirror and looked myself over. My ring was tucked safely in my pocket, and I combed out my hair until it dried and fell in soft curls around my shoulders. I felt like I was washing off more than just regular dirt. I had to get a grip on myself. I had Daryl now; everything else was over and gone. He, and the group, where what mattered now.

When I exited the bathroom he was waiting for me, leaning against the wall again. "Breakfast?" he asked. I nodded, and we headed down to the cafeteria together. He held my hand until we reached the cafeteria door, and we let go. We hadn't decided to tell anyone just yet. I stopped, and Daryl looked over. "You okay?" he asked.

I bit my lip. "I don't want to see Merle."

His look hardened. "I'll make sure he stays away from you."

"Daryl," I said, hesitating. "I don't want to cause any problems. He's your brother."

"So?" he shrugged. "You're my…"he trailed off, his voice turning gruff. "You know."

I grinned wickedly and held my hands up in the air, palms up. I tugged him to me by his vest. "Your….?"

"Don't make me say it." He gave me an exasperated look, bent down to kiss me instead, and the cafeteria door was opened at the same time.

"Whoa!" Carl said, his arms full of breakfast food, presumably to bring to Rick. "Was this the bad thing you guys were talking about?"

We broke apart sheepishly, but it was too late. The rest of the group was looking at us through the doorway.

"Uh…." I said.

"About time." Glenn said. He was standing by the trash can inside of the door. "It was really annoying watching you guys make lovey eyes to each other all the time."

I looked at Daryl and he looked back at me, then he shrugged. "Nothin' we can do about it now." he said to me.

He walked into the cafeteria, and I looked at Glenn. "Lovey eyes?" I asked. I crooked an eyebrow at him.

"It was obvious." Glenn said. "Neither one of you hid it very well."

It shocked me that it was so clear to everyone else, when I had no idea Daryl was even aware of my existence, besides just being another member of the group. Nice of no one to tell me.

Maggie came up behind Glenn and smiled at me. "I think it's cute."

I ran my fingers through my hair and looked away. I wasn't very comfortable discussing it, when it was so new to both of us. "Uh, thanks." I said. "Well, guess I should find something to eat."

I stepped around them and went to the pantry. Carol was standing there, and I tried to shrug ruefully at her, but she wouldn't meet my eyes. Thankfully I didn't see Merle in the cafeteria, though. I grabbed a box of cereal and the dry milk and walked over to where Daryl was sitting, at his own table. I sat across from him and poured the cereal and milk into my bowl. I took a bite and chewed in silence.

"Awkward." Daryl said finally.

"Yup." I said. I felt everyone's eyes on us, and I didn't like it. No one treated Maggie and Glenn weird. Was that because Daryl was such a loner? Or was I missing something else entirely?

"What's going on?"

I turned around, and Rick was in the doorway. He looked terrible, like death warmed over. He could have easily passed for a walker.

"Why is everyone so quiet?" he asked. He looked at everyone suspiciously. I felt so bad for him suddenly, looking at him, and I went to stand up but Daryl put his hand on my arm.

"I'll talk to him." he said. He walked over to Rick and motioned for him to step outside of the cafeteria with him. What exactly they were discussing, I didn't know, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to. Rick had enough on his plate without worrying about the love lives of the group. I hoped Daryl knew what he was doing.

I went back to my cereal and Maggie came over to sit in front of me. "Well?" she asked, a silly grin on her face.

I couldn't help smiling a little bit back at her. "Well?" I asked back.

"So…you and Daryl." She prompted me. "How did it happen?"

I blushed and shrugged. "I don't know…it just did." I didn't mind the questioning too much from Maggie, as we had become close. It almost felt like before, two girlfriends gossiping about their boyfriends.

"So have you…" She waggled her eyebrows, and for just a moment, it reminded me of Merle, but I pushed the thought away.

"Maggie!" I said. "I'm not telling you that!"

She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. "That means you have."

I laughed and shook my head. "I'm not telling you any more than I already have." I finished my cereal and stood up. I took the dishes to the sink and washed them, then put them away. I checked with Glenn to see what I could help with for the day, and no one had yet volunteered for laundry duty, so I took it.

I dragged the heavy laundry bags to the tubs we had set up and got to work. I hadn't seen Daryl since he went away to talk to Rick, but I knew he wouldn't leave without at least telling me, so I wasn't worried. I was scrubbing at a particularly nasty walker stain on one of Carl's shirts when I heard footsteps coming up behind me. I assumed it was Daryl, and I kept doing what I was doing.

"Wondered when you'd find your way back to me." I said.

"Just been waitin' to get you alone, sweetheart."

Merle.

He had sidled up behind me while he was speaking and put his good hand on my hip.

I jumped and turned around, reaching for the gun tucked into my jeans. "What do you want, Merle?"

Merle backed up and held his hands in the air, like a guilty man usually does. "Why can't a fella want to talk to his baby brother's girlfriend? See if you fit in with the family?"

I didn't pull my gun out, but I left my hand on it anyways. "Why can't we talk when Daryl's here?"

Merle smirked. "If Daryl was here, I don't think you'd both be up for much talkin'." He pulled a chair up and sat it in backwards, resting his arm with the knife on the top, facing me. "I'm surprised you don't mind being my little brother's second fiddle. A little filly like you oughta be a man's first choice."

I narrowed my eyes. "Second fiddle?"

Merle leaned back in his chair, in mock surprise. "You don't know?"

My heart started pounding painfully in my chest. "I don't know what you're alluding to, Merle, but I wish you'd get to the point." I said. I squeezed the handle of the gun in my palm.

"Word around the street was my little bro had a thing with Carol before you came along." He tilted his head at me, looking innocent. "'Course I wasn't here to see it, but Carol was pretty into him. I hear. Guess when you came and jumped right into bed with him that put a nail in that coffin, huh?"

I couldn't breathe. My hand slipped off of the gun and went limply to my side. Merle left his chair and came over to me, looking down at me, a lopsided grin on his face. "You got with the wrong Dixon, sweetheart. I would have taken you first, especially if I knew how eager you were."

That did it. I shoved Merle as hard as I could, surprising him. He stumbled back a few steps before he regained his footing. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed. "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

The door behind Merle swung open, banging against the wall. Daryl and Glenn came charging in. Glenn drew his gun on Merle and Daryl rushed to my side.

"What's going on?" Daryl asked angrily. He looked me over. "Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?"

Daryl was the very last person I wanted to see at that moment, at least until I could get my mind straight. I pushed him away from me, ignoring him calling my name, and swept out of the room. Tears were streaming down my face, but I didn't feel them. I had to go somewhere to be alone, to think. And the only place I could think of was the guard tower. I banged my way through the prison until I got to the outside. I charged across the yard to the guard tower and shoved open the door. I closed and locked it behind me so no one else could follow me in. I used the rest of my adrenaline to get to the top, and then I collapsed against the door, sliding down the wall.

Was what Merle said true, or was he just trying to get a rise out of me? Had I really interrupted something, and if so, why hadn't Daryl said anything? Was he only with me because I slept with him? I dropped my head in my hands, hot and embarrassed all over. I feel so foolish. What if he had just said those wonderful things to me so I would keep crawling into his bed? Hot tears streaked down my face, and I let them fall into my lap. My humiliation made me realize how much I really didn't know Daryl. Merle was right; I had jumped right into bed with him. It seemed rational at the time, considering the life span we are guaranteed now, but I know I never would have done it in my old life. I hadn't even been with Matthew until we were engaged.

Matthew.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my engagement ring. It shone in the dusk, and I turned it in my fingers. It had been my talisman, my light in a dark place. Matthew had kept me going until I had met Daryl, and then he just…faded away.

I looked out over the yard, at the walkers beyond the fence, who had no problems except getting to us. To fresh food. My own problems seemed small compared to the world around us, but they were still mine. Being with Daryl had made me feel like my old self, happy, and maybe not so afraid all of the time. And I loved him for it; I just hadn't realized it until now. Sure, I had been with the group for several months, but my feelings for Daryl had been growing since I had met him. Still, I didn't know him. I had never noticed anything with Carol and him, but that doesn't mean it wasn't there before me. What had I done to Carol? I remembered how she hadn't looked at me at breakfast. I had no idea how she felt.

What a giant mess I'd made, just because I cared for someone. Bad things kept happening to people I cared about. I hurt Carol, and I had never wanted to. Matthew never would have died if those guys hadn't jumped me.

The group had left a sleeping bag in the guard tower, and I dragged it over to me now, wrapping it around me. I stared into the fading sunset, my ring clutched in my hand. Dusk became dawn, and dawn became night. The stars twinkled for a long time in the night sky before I was able to fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning stiff from lying on the hard floor of the guard tower. The ring had slipped out of my hand, and I grabbed it and put it in my pocket when I had noticed it lying in front of my face. Memories from yesterday had come rushing back once I opened my eyes, just as painful as the experiencing them the first time.

I didn't want to leave the guard tower, but I didn't want to worry anyone else, so I put away the sleeping bag and made my way down the stairs. I wasn't quite ready to face anyone else yet, so I headed towards the gardens to gather myself.

The sun shone down in the sky, and while it was chilly, it felt good on my face. I made my way to the side of the prison where the gardens were. We had set up a few benches to admire the flowers when they were in bloom, and I sat down heavily on one. I sighed.

"I thought I was the only one who came out here in the winter."

I turned, and Rick was sitting on a bench further down, looking out at the vines where hopefully fruit would grow in the spring.

I hadn't even noticed him. "Sorry." I said. "I just needed to be alone for a minute."

He looked over at me, seeing me, but I wasn't sure how much. "Daryl told me about you two."

A fresh wave of pain came over me. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked away from him. "He did, huh?"

"Yeah." Rick said. "I haven't seen him like that before."

"Like what?" I asked, even though I knew it wasn't wise. It would give me hope, and look where hope got us.

"Talkative." he said.

I couldn't help myself. "Not even with Carol?"

Rick squinted at me and was silent a beat before he spoke. "What do you mean, with Carol?"

I hated myself. "He wasn't talkative when he was with Carol?"

Rick shrugged. "As far as I know, he wasn't ever with Carol."

And there it went, hope blooming in my chest. "He wasn't?"

Rick tilted his head at me. "Why don't you ask him?" He nodded at something behind me, and I turned to see Daryl running towards me. He skidded to a stop in front of me and grabbed my arms, pulling me into him. His crossbow was slung across his back, and his poncho scratched my face.

"Where have you been?" he cried, shaking me, very much unlike himself. I didn't see him rattled often, if ever. "I've never been more afraid in my life."

"I….I..." I stuttered, lost for words at the look on his face. "I was in the guard tower."

"Why?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me? I was just about to take my bike out and look for you. I've been up all night searching."

I feel foolish. "I wanted to be alone." I said. I felt like a child. I had done such a stupid thing.

"Because of what my idiot brother told you?" he asked me. His voice turned soft and deep, like I liked it best. "There's no one else but you, and there hasn't been. Why did you believe him?"

I shrugged, tears tickling the back of my throat. "Because he's right, Daryl." I said. "I just jumped right into bed with you, no questions asked."

Daryl pulled his crossbow off and placed it on the ground. He peeled off his poncho and wrapped it around my arms, which were covered in goosebumps. He sat next to me on the bench and took my hands in his, looking me straight in the eye.

"I promise you, nothing he said was true. Carol liked me, yes, but it wasn't mutual. She's a friend, just like everyone else here. Except for you. You are different. You are what I wake up thinking about and what I go to sleep dreaming about. I know I don't say much, and you deserve better than that, but I thought you knew how much I cared about you. Don't let my stupid brother mess up what we have." Daryl looked at me earnestly, and I wanted to believe him. Despite the warnings bells going off deep inside, deep where I had buried Matthew and what I had done to him, I wanted to believe him more than anything on this wretched earth. He was certainly speaking more than I had ever heard him speak before.

"Daryl, I…" I stopped when he kissed me. He gathered me up in his arms and crushed me against his chest, and I melted. I let my fear and my hurt drain away, and I thought only of him kissing me. He made me feel so alive.

When we broke apart, he smoothed the hair out of my face and looked down at me, his brow furrowed. "Please don't believe Merle. There is no one else; it's just you."

My heart squeezed in my chest. I looked down at my lap, away from his eyes so I could think a moment. "Just-"

"I'm in love with you." He interrupted me, gruffly.

I looked up at him, shocked into silence.

Daryl squeezed my arms. "I don't have eyes for anyone else because I'm in love with you."

"I…" I couldn't form a sentence. My heart felt like it was going to gallop out of my chest and ride off towards the sunset. "Daryl, I…" I smiled, then. I smiled with everything I had. "I'm so in love with you."

Daryl smiled, too, my special smile, and brought me to him, burying his face in my neck. "Don't leave me again." he said. "I went crazy when I couldn't find you. I may have broken a few things."

"Sounds like Daryl Dixon." I laughed, stroking his hair, so glad to have him in my arms. "Guess we should go inside and clean up, then."

He stood then, pulling me up with him. He picked up his crossbow and swung it over his back, then bent down and lifted me off my feet, swinging me into his arms. "Not before I have my way with you." I squealed with delight as he took off towards the prison. I looked over his shoulder to the bench where Rick had been, and he was gone. He had saved my life, again.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up later that night in Daryl's bunk. I wiggled out of his arms carefully, as he was still sleeping and I didn't wake to wake him. I knew he hadn't any sleep last night, and I wanted to let him catch up. I still felt guilty about what I had done.

I slid out of his bed and slipped on my clothes silently. I looked over at his vest that had been discarded on the floor, and I picked it up, running my fingers over the wings embroidered on it. I thought of the scars he carried on his back, and while I didn't have any physical ones, I still carried my own. And maybe we were two broken people headed for disaster, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be with anyone else but him. He made my scars disappear, too.

I hung his vest over the chair in the corner and I slid out of his cell, trying not to make any noise. The sheet was still hanging over the door, of course, but he had left the cell cracked open, and I squeezed out. I made my way back to the other cells, and I stopped before I got Carol's, taking a deep breath. I hoped it wasn't too late and she was already asleep.

"Carol?" I asked, stepping into the light of the cell.

She looked up at me and sighed, setting her book aside. "Yes?"

This wasn't starting well. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"I guess." she said, shrugging.

I walked partway into her cell but stopped before I got too close. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea how you felt." I tried to project in my voice how badly I felt about everything. I wanted her to know I never wanted anyone to be hurt, ever. Ever.

She peered at me, the candlelight flickering on the walls of the cell. "You really didn't know?" She didn't seem like she believed me entirely, and I didn't blame her. From her point of view I just looked like a tramp.

I shook my head. "Honest. Daryl and me…it just…kind of happened. If I had known anything was going on between you two…" I paused to take a breath. "I never wanted to cause any trouble. I'm sorry. I just feel so…life is worth living when I'm with him."

She stood up then. "Don't." she said, holding up her hands palms towards me. "Nothing was ever going on. It was just me. Don't listen to what Merle told you."

Despite the fact that I knew how hard this was for her, my heart soared. "Really?" I asked, softly, hopefully.

She smiled then, a tiny smile. "You two are…you should be together. You belong together."

"Carol." I said then, a lump in my throat. "I'm so sorry."

She came up to me and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close for a hug. A few leftover tears tracked down my cheeks. I was so very, very tired.

"Take good care of him." she said. "He'll take good care of you."

I nodded, a weight lifting off of my shoulders. We said goodnight and I headed back to Daryl's cell, my eyes down on the ground and my mind lost in thought.

"You think you can sneak away without me knowing?" I looked up and Daryl was waiting for me outside the door to his cell. He had put on his jeans but nothing else. His back was pressed up against the cell bars. The puffiness under his eyes that was always prominent was more so now, and once again I felt guilty.

"I had to talk to Carol." I said. "I couldn't stand knowing that I'd hurt her."

He peered at me. "Everything okay now?"

I nodded and walked into his cell. He came in behind me and closed the cell door. I sat down on his bed. Almost mechanically, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my ring, holding it up to Daryl. He stopped on his way to the bed and stood there. He had been unbuckling his jeans and he stopped, his hand resting on his belt buckle.

"He died protecting me." I said. "Matthew died because there were some guys trying to rape me, and they killed him." My voice came out monotone and weary. I didn't have any tears to shed; I had done enough of that in the past few days. "Matthew killed all of them except the last one, who had hidden until we thought we were safe, and then he killed Matthew. So I killed him. I had a gun, and I shot him. I killed him in cold blood, and Matthew died in my arms." I let go of the ring and it clanged onto the floor of the cell, bouncing underneath his bunk. I dragged my eyes up to Daryl's. "I'm so afraid of losing you, too."

Daryl walked across the room and knelt in front of me, reaching under the bunk for the ring. He swept it up and put it in my palm, closing my fingers over it. "You won't." he said. Anger and sadness tinged his voice. "I'm not going anywhere." He took me in his arms, then, as I lay there, he whispered the secrets of his scars to me. We were both learning to heal.


	7. Chapter 7

Several weeks passed in relative peace in the prison, at least as peaceful as it could be with Merle around. Rick was slowly improving and getting back to normal with the help of Hershel and his children, and Daryl and I were getting closer every day. After the night where we told each other everything, there wasn't much left to be reserved about. Daryl was still his usual quiet self, but he relaxed when he was around me. We were spending most of our time in his cell together, and I had moved my things over at his request.

One morning I woke up next to Daryl, who had rolled over me partially in his sleep. We had a hard time sleeping together at first, as were both used to being alone and the bunks were considerably smaller with two people in them, but we were working out the kinks. Unfortunately, Daryl was quite a bit bigger than me, and he was squishing me.

"Daryl." I poked him in the side.

"Huh." He grunted. He didn't open his eyes.

"Can't breathe." I said. "Need to get out. Bathroom."

Daryl still didn't move. I couldn't slide out because I was on the inside of the bunk, as Daryl insisted on sleeping on the outside so he could reach his crossbow quickly if needed. My only choice was to go up and over. I wiggled out underneath his arms and crawled over his middle, trying not to disturb him. And still he didn't wake. We had been up late, and I wanted to let him sleep. I slid out of the bed finally and into my clothes. I went down to the bathroom and cleaned up, then headed down towards the cafeteria to grab something to eat. I made a bowl of instant oatmeal and decided to eat it outside in the gardens. It was chilly, so I grabbed my jacket and shrugged it on, juggling the bowl of oatmeal in between my hands. I went outside to sit on one of the benches, and saw Michonne sitting on the one closest to me. She had never really warmed up to anyone in the group, and I was pretty intimidated by her, so I wasn't sure what to do.

"Uh…" I said. "I can eat inside." I gestured toward the prison with my bowl.

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head "No." She gestured to the bench she was sitting on. "Sit."

I sat. One always did what Michonne said, especially since her katana was much bigger than my machete. I took a bite of my oatmeal, and before I realized what I was doing I had lurched to my feet and was throwing up in the garden. I heaved until nothing was left, which didn't take long but was extremely painful. Michonne came up and brought me her water jug, which I sipped from gratefully. When I was finished, I wiped my mouth and handed it back to her.

"Thanks." I said. I wiped sweat from my forehead. I hated throwing up. It made me feel so vulnerable and out of control. "I don't know what happened. Guess the oatmeal's bad."

Michonne peered at me in that unnerving way she had. "You throw up a lot in the morning?" she asked.

I laughed, then. I knew where she was going. "No." I said. "No, I don't. And that's not possible." Matthew and I had never used protection, and nothing had happened. I had just assumed I couldn't have kids, and with the world the shape it was in now, I had been okay with that.

She didn't reply, she just kept peering at me with squinted eyes until I felt extremely uncomfortable. Then I began to doubt myself. Daryl and I had never used anything preventative, either. What if….?

"No." I said, out loud. Waves seemed to crash over my head then, blocking out all sound to my ears. Black and yellow spots popped up in front of my eyes, and I knew I was going to faint if I didn't sit down. I collapsed onto the bench, the strength gone out of my legs. It couldn't be. It was so…wrong.

But maybe it wasn't. I was jumping awfully fast to conclusions I didn't have yet, even if the look Michonne was giving me was one of terrible pity. I looked back at her helplessly.

"Stay here." She commanded, and then she was gone. I looked over at my bowl of oatmeal, and my stomach heaved again, so I pushed it far away from me. I stared numbly out at the garden until I heard footsteps approaching, and suddenly I prayed it wasn't Daryl she had gone to get.

But it was only Michonne, and she came around the corner and gestured with her head for me to follow her. I stood up on jelly legs and followed her the back way to the bathroom, presumably to keep from running in to anyone else. She closed the door behind us and came to stand in front of me. She held her hand out, and in it was a pregnancy test, still tucked in its bright pink wrapper. It made me want to throw up again.

"Did anyone…" I asked weakly.

She shook her head. "No one saw me get it."

I took it from her then and headed to a stall, feeling the earth shifting underneath my feet. I felt as Lori must have felt when she found out, for I already knew what the test would say before I read it. I had not had a period in over two months, but I had been so darn lovestruck with Daryl I hadn't noticed.

I walked into the stall and came out a few minutes later, handing the test silently over to Michonne. She looked at it and then looked up at me, and when her eyes met mine I burst into tears. She reached out and drew me into her then, and it was so unlike her that I cried even harder. She didn't speak until my tears had dried, I had blown my nose, and splashed my face with water. When I was done I looked at her in the mirror and spread my hands wide.

She turned me around and gazed steadily at me. "First you tell Daryl, and then you tell the group, and then we will all get through this. Together."

She held my shoulders firmly, and finally I nodded in agreement. She was right. I needed to take this one step at a time. The most important thing was telling Daryl.

Now I just needed to find the strength to do it.

I left the bathroom and turned around the corner back to our cells, my insides trembling. I didn't know how to start or what to say. Daryl had absolutely no idea that I was about to turn everything upside down, and I envied him that ignorance. I wished I could go back to this morning, when I woke up in his arms and worried about nothing but getting out of bed without waking him.

Bile rose up in my throat again but I pushed it back down. I walked to Daryl's cell with ten-thousand pound weights dogging my every step. Everything all of a sudden seemed so momentous and in slow-motion, almost like I was watching somebody else's life.

Daryl was sitting up in his bunk, taking apart his crossbow and cleaning it. He looked up at me when I came in and gave me that half-smile of his. "'Bout time you got back. Thought we could go on a run today. Just wanna finish cleaning my crossbow. Did you go get breakfast?" He stood up and went to rummage for something in his bag.

"Daryl." I said.

"Yeah?" he asked. He didn't turn around.

"Daryl." I said again. Only way to do it was like a band-aid. "I'm pregnant."

He dropped whatever he was holding and it smashed onto the floor, scattering glass pieces across the cell. He turned around to me slowly with a look I'd never seen on his face before, not even when he was killing walkers. It was pure loathing. It scared me to my bones.

"What did you say?" he asked, his voice deathly quiet. His face had closed up, and I didn't see any trace of the affection he usually carried in it for me.

Still, I held my chin up. "I'm pregnant. With your baby." It took two to tango, didn't it?

He narrowed his eyes and his fists tightened by his side. "How could you?"

I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. "How could I what?" I asked.

"Do this to me!" he raised his voice then, and my defiance melted away. He was starting to frighten me. "This world ain't no place for a baby!"

Tears began to prickle at the back of my eyes. "You think I don't know that? You don't think I'm scared?"

"How could you be so irresponsible?" he yelled.

I pointed my finger at him angrily. "You weren't responsible, either!"

He turned away from me, his shoulders knotted up in anger. He grabbed the lantern we used to light our cell and threw it across the room, where it shattered against the wall and burst apart into hundreds of tiny pieces. I froze in place, just like I had when I'd been attacked. I was a coward then, and I was a coward now. Daryl began roaming our cell, finding anything he could break and throwing it against the wall. He ripped the mattress off of the bunk and threw it out of the cell, narrowly missing me.

"Stop!" I screamed at him. "STOP IT!"

My whole body began to shake, and I felt hands clawing at me. "STOP IT STOP IT STOP." Matthew's voice in the background, and the gun going off. My hands covered in Matthew's blood. "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT."

I saw Rick and the others come running right as I slid to the floor, blackness choking my vision.


	8. Chapter 8

I had no idea what time it was when I woke up, but I knew I ached all over. I was lying underneath a scratchy blanket, and I pulled it over my head, groaning when the memories came back to me.

"You can't stay under there forever."

I peeked out underneath the blanket and Rick was sitting in a chair across the room from me. Apparently I was in one of the spare cells. Rick had his feet propped up on a milk carton, his gun in his lap. Carl stood outside of the cell keeping watch, and a wave of affection for him washed over me.

"Why not?" I asked. "I like it under here."

Rick got up and came over to squat in front of me, looking down at me sadly. "Daryl's gone."

I sat up then, the blanket falling away from me. "What do you mean, gone?" I asked. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest, and I felt like the floor was opening up and swallowing me whole. Gone?

"He took off on his motorcycle when I carried you in here." Rick said. "That was yesterday morning. It's four o'clock now. He hasn't come back."

I waited for Rick to say "yet", but he didn't. Four o'clock in the afternoon? Daryl had been gone a day and a half.

"I have to find him." I sat up, pushing off the blanket.

"You're not going anywhere." Rick pushed me back down. "We don't separate."

"But, Rick-" I protested, but he cut me off.

"I know." he said. "But he left before and he came back."

Tears filled my eyes, and sorrow like I hadn't known since Matthew coursed through my veins. "What if he doesn't?"

Rick looked steadily at me, and I could see why he was the leader, even after what he had gone through. When the others fell apart, he was there to pick us up. "Then we raise the baby together. All of us. Just like we're doing with Judith."

I nodded, my heart shattering into a million microscopic pieces, and sunk back into the bed, pulling the blankets up to my neck. I don't know if Rick left or if anybody else came, all I could see was Daryl. When I opened my eyes or closed them, his face was all I saw.

I woke up once, and there was a lot of blood. Hershel's face swam before my eyes, I thought I saw Daryl, covered in blood, a needle was pushed into my arm, and then I was asleep again.

The next thing I remembered was excruciating pain. I woke up feeling like I wanted to scream, so I did, until I slipped out of consciousness again. The next time I woke up it wasn't as bad. Finally I clawed my way out of the pain and opened my eyes. Bright lights shone in my eyes, and I squinted.

"Pupils are back to normal. That's a good sign." The lights flashed off, and my head began to throb.

I tried to speak, but my throat was incredibly dry.

"I think she wants water." What sounded like Carl's voice was fading in and out, and then I realized he was leaving to get me water. He came back and held it out to me, and I sat up, taking the water and drinking greedily. I coughed, and my insides screamed at me.

"Hershel?" I asked, seeing his face before me. "Rick? What's…" And then I remembered. "Daryl?"

Hershel patted me on the knee. "You just relax. Don't worry about anything but getting better."

"Daryl." I said again.

Rick stepped in my line of vision. "He's back." Relief washed over me, unbelievable sweet relief. "But he's being held in a cell far away from you until we know what to do with him."

"Do with him?" I asked groggily. I was having a hard time fighting off whatever was making me so groggy. "Let me talk to him."

"No." Rick said. "Not right now. You need to rest."

I was getting tired of hearing that. "Rest from what?" I asked, exasperated.

Hershel and Rick looked at each other then, and I knew. I knew why everything hurt inside, why I remembered so much blood, and why I felt like I wanted to die.

How could I miss something I really never had?

Suddenly I was tired of being the victim. I was tired of bad things happening to me, no matter what I did. I was tired of being beaten on, and beaten down. Adrenaline surged suddenly through my veins, and I sat up on the bed. Hershel and Rick looked at me in alarm.

"What are you doing?" Rick asked. He reached out his hands to me, but I pushed him away.

"Where is he?" I asked. I shoved the blankets away from me and stood up. "Where is he?!" I barked. I stormed out of the cell, ignoring Rick and Hershel, and I ran back towards Daryl's cell. He wasn't in there, so I took off down another corridor, and another, until finally I saw Glenn standing outside of one, talking to someone inside. Glenn looked over in alarm when he saw me charging down the hallway.

"Leave us alone." I said, my voice low.

Glenn hesitated like he wanted to talk me out of it, then he scooted to the side and slid down the hallway, taking Rick with him, who had followed me. I turned back to Daryl and looked at him with everything he had looked at me with before, and I hoped, more. He was standing before me on the other side of the cell door, and he was caked in old blood. His clothes were torn and ripped, giant holes in the knees. His fingers were clutching the bars of the cage. But I didn't ask him if he was okay this time. I didn't care. I wasn't going to clean up this mess.

"Are you happy?" I asked softly. "You got your wish."

He looked at me with eyes that were wide open and distraught. "I never wanted this." he said, so quietly I almost couldn't hear him. "I'm so sorry."

My anger and my adrenaline faded away as suddenly as they had come, and I was left with nothing but sadness, again. Tears slipped silently down my cheeks, and I hated myself for being weak. "Sorry isn't good enough, Daryl. You said you'd never leave me."

He reached through the bars of the cell and out for me, but I turned my body away from his hand, despite everything in me screaming to let him touch me. But I knew if he did I would forgive him immediately. And I was tired. So tired, of being me.

I looked through the bars and into his eyes, my heart splitting open. "You said you'd never leave. So this time I'm leaving you."

I turned on my heel and walked away, past Glenn and Rick who were talking quietly. "Let him out." I said. "Give me time to move back to my old cell first. Then let him out." And I kept on walking.


	9. Chapter 9

I was working in the garden a few days later when I heard shouts from the front of the prison. I figured a walker had gotten in, so I unsheathed my machete and took off running in case someone needed help. When I got around to the front, I was surprised to see Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, Michonne and Carl surrounding a small group of people I had never seen before, their weapons drawn. The group consisted of two girls and two guys, and they all had their hands up in the air.

Rick was shouting at them. "How did you get in here?" he yelled. "Tell me!"

One of the guys stepped forward, holding his hands out to Rick who steadied his gun at him. "We cut the fence around back. If we had known people were here we would have presented ourselves properly. As it was, we were just trying to get in from those things. We don't mean any harm."

Glenn was looking at Rick but keeping his gun on the group. "Do we search them?"

Rick nodded, and Daryl and Maggie swooped in, searching the members for weapons.

"Hey!" One of the girls cried, when Maggie took her knife. "That's mine!"

Maggie tossed it aside. "Not anymore."

The first guy looked back at Rick angrily. He was older, with dishwater blonde hair that needed a good washing. "I told you, man, we don't want any trouble."

Rick shrugged. "We've been told that before. This is our prison, and until we know who you people are, we're locking you up."

The younger guy in the group hadn't spoken up yet, and he studied each one of us silently, until finally his eyes came to rest on me. He gazed at me steadily, a little unnervingly, until I looked away.

"Let's do what they say, guys." he said, still looking at me. "We're the guests here; this is their place."

The rest of the group with him grumbled, but they headed into the prison behind Glenn, who led the way in. Maggie, Rick, and Michonne followed them in, weapons still drawn. I fell into step behind Michonne, and Daryl took up the rear. Once I reached the main door I felt a hand clasp around my wrist, and Daryl pulled me back.

"Not now." I said preemptively.

He shook his head. "No, it's not that." He gestured to the inside of the prison with his head. "Stay away from that guy."

I rolled my eyes. "What?"

Daryl squeezed my wrist, gently, but I could see the concern written all over his face. "I don't like this. I don't like that they came from the back, even though it's been crawling with walkers, and I don't like that guy. I don't like the way he looked at you. Stay away from him."

I pulled my hand out of his grip. "You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, Daryl. You gave that up when you walked out on me."

He stared heavily into my eyes, his own glittering fiercely. "I still love you. I'm not ever going to stop. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, if that's what it takes."

I couldn't do this. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I spun around on my heel and headed into the prison, wiping them angrily away. Why was he making this so hard?

I met up with the rest of the group, who were huddling outside of the room we had put the new group in. Hershel, Carol, and Merle had joined in, and they were discussing what to do.

"We have to give them the benefit of the doubt." Hershel said. "Let's see what they're about before we send them on their way."

"What do we owe them?" Merle asked. He was picking at his teeth with his knife. I looked away in disgust. "Let's get rid of them before they get rid of us."

Maggie glared at him. "What, kill them? You're disgusting."

Merle smirked at her. "Did I say kill them, sweetheart? You came to that conclusion on your own. So look who's the disgusting one now."

"Shut up." Glenn said, warningly.

"Stop it." Rick said. "I'll go in and question them. Who wants to go with me?"

I stood up. "I'll do it."

"No." Daryl said immediately.

I ignored him. "They'll be intimidated by Rick but they will feel a little more comfortable if I'm there. I was an outsider, too. I know what they're going through."

Michonne nodded. "I think it's a good idea."

"I don't." Daryl said. "I'll go."

I left the group and headed to the holding cell, Rick on my heels. I opened the door, and they were all standing in the middle of the room, talking quietly amongst themselves.

"Are you guys thirsty?" I asked. "We have plenty of water." I got some water and brought it to them. The two younger girls took the water gratefully, but they wouldn't look me in the eyes. When I brought it to the young guy, he took it and stuck out his hand for me to shake.

"Nate." he said. He had green eyes that crinkled around the corners and shaggy brown hair that fell into his eyes. He held my hand a beat longer than normal, and I pulled it back.

I introduced Rick and myself, and the guy with the blonde hair stepped forward. "We don't want any trouble, Rick." he said. "We're just looking for someplace safe, that's all. We've been traveling for weeks and we're tired. We came here from Austin."

Rick looked over at me, then back at them. "We're pretty full right now."

"Doesn't look like it to me." Nate said. His tone was friendly and he had a smile on his face, but part of me was agreeing with Daryl. Something about him wasn't sitting right with me, either. "I think we can all stay here peacefully."

Rick held up a hand. "We never said you can stay here."

Nate's smile widened. "You never said we couldn't, either."

"How about you guys just stay in here, we'll talk it over with our people and we'll come back. We'll make sure you're all comfortable." I said.

The girls shrugged and looked away, but Nate held his gaze on me. His smile didn't reach his eyes. I looked back at Rick and motioned with my head towards the door. We walked out together and Rick closed the door behind us, locking it. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't like it." I said. "Something feels off."

He nodded. "Agreed. Now we just have to convince the rest of the group of that, without any evidence. That didn't go over very well last time I had to do it, either." Rick and I rounded the corner and I ran smack into Daryl, who was pacing across the floor. He reached out and steadied me with his hands, and goosebumps popped up over my skin. It felt so good when he touched me.

"You okay?" he asked, looking down at me.

I nodded and shook him off, following Rick back to the rest of our people. Daryl followed us, and he slid onto a table beside the door, his crossbow propped on his knee. I forced myself to look away from him. We told them the little we had learned, and we decided, against Rick and my better judgment, to let them stay a few days to try figure them out.

The group dispersed then, and I headed back to my cell. I didn't feel like going out to the garden again. I sat down heavily on my bunk. I still tired more easily than usual. Hershel said it would take my body a while to get back to normal. I looked down at my stomach, and I placed my palm flat over it. Nothing. It was hard to believe there was ever something there, even if I had only known it for a little bit of time. I moved my hand up to my heart, and even though I knew it was beating, I wasn't living. Again. I missed Daryl so much I could hardly breathe. And I wasn't sure I wanted to anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

A few days went by, with each of us alternating turns at watching and helping the new people. They didn't do anything threatening, so on the fourth day we decided to let them free on the inside of the prison, with our people staying on high alert.

I got laundry duty again, so I dragged the laundry in with Glenn's help and got to work. I sat down to read a book while I waited on a load to dry that I had just hung when I heard footsteps coming. Nate popped his head around the corner and waved.

"Hey." he said. "Need any help?"

I crooked an eyebrow. "Help waiting? Nope, think I'm good." I said, shrugging. "This is the easy part."

Nate dragged a stool up and sat down next to me. "So tell me about your people. Are they trustworthy?"

My people? What about his people? I closed my book and shifted on my seat. My machete moved against my hip and I was glad then that it was there. "Uh, yeah." I said.

He cocked his head at me. "You said you were new, too."

I nodded. "Relatively." I said, slowly.

"Are you with that guy with the crossbow?" he asked.

"What?" I said. How on earth did he know about that?

He gestured to the door. "He's standing out there right now. He follows you everywhere."

I rolled my eyes and tossed my book down. Daryl really didn't think I could take care of myself.

Nate grinned. "I guess not." He leaned forward, his arms on his knees. "Are you with anyone?"

I stood up, my chair screeching backwards. The way he was looking at me was making me very uncomfortable. "I've got to go check on something." I walked out of the room, but before I did, I turned back to Nate to look at him out of the corner of my eye. The smile was gone from his face, and he was watching me with his cold eyes. A shiver ran down my spine, and I picked up my pace.

Daryl pushed himself off of the wall when I came out. His crossbow was balancing on the leg he had propped up on the wall behind him. Despite the creepy feeling I had, the sight of him angered me.

"Stop babysitting me, Daryl." I said. "I'm a big girl."

Daryl didn't reply. He seemed satisfied that I wasn't in the same room as Nate, so he took off down the opposite hall. I watched him go, his crossbow slung over his back. The scarf in his back pocket bounced with each step he took. I forced myself to turn around, and I walked away, each step harder than the last. I wasn't sure what pain I was protecting myself from, when nothing hurt more than watching him go.

The next night I got to dinner late, as I had been helping Beth take care of Judith, and she didn't want to go sleep. I didn't blame her. Sleep didn't bring relief for me, either.

I walked to the cafeteria and headed to the pantry, not sure what I wanted to eat. No one else was in the room. I picked out a can of mixed vegetables and opened it, turning it upside in a bowl. I grabbed a spoon and sat down at the closest table. I wasn't very hungry, so I picked out the vegetables I wanted and pushed the rest around the bowl.

A pair of hands came from behind me and covered my eyes, and a voice whispered in my ear: "Boo."

I jumped and turned around, grabbing at the hands that were still around me. The spoon fell from my hands and clattered onto the floor.

"Nate." I said angrily. "Don't do that. You scared me."

He laughed and sat down next to me on the bench, uncomfortably close. "Sorry." He said. He didn't seem like it. "Are you in here alone?"

I picked my spoon up off of the floor and tossed it into my bowl, picking them both up. I stood and dumped the rest of the food out. "I don't see anyone else, do you?" I asked irritably.

He shrugged. "Nope. Just you and me." He smiled that cold smile. "I like it that way."

He was seriously creeping me out. "I need to get back. Have a good night." I headed to the door, but Nate slipped in front of me before I could get there.

"Why are you running off?" he asked. He walked towards me, and I walked backwards to get away from him. "I just got here."

"I need to go." I said. I stepped around him and he reached out and grabbed my upper arm, hard.

"No, you don't." he said. "I'm not done with you."

Panic started to squeeze my throat, and I prayed for once that Daryl was outside and listening, but if he was, he wasn't coming. "Let go of me, Nate." I said, trying to remain calm. I reached around for my machete, but he grabbed my hand before I could get it.

"Nope." He yanked it out of its pouch and slung it across the cafeteria. It whirled through the air before crashing against some metal cans, and I winced.

"Nate, please." I said. "Let me go."

"You'll be begging for something else in a minute." he said. I opened my mouth to scream and he clamped his palm over it.

And I was taken back to before, when Matthew was alive and I was helpless, and here I was again. I didn't want to be helpless anymore. My mind raced and I quickly made a decision. I bit his palm hard, and he cried out. He looked down in shock at his hand, and while he was distracted, I pushed him away from me. I turned to run, but he was too quick and he grabbed the bottom of my shirt, pulling me back. He lifted his free hand in the air and smacked me so hard across the face I saw stars. He grabbed me by the hair and slammed me up against a cabinet, cracking my head against a door. Everything turned red, and I felt my body sliding sideways to the floor. Nate stood over me, reaching for his belt buckle, and then my jeans were ripped off, and he was kneeling around me. The last thing I saw before I faded was the point of an arrow emerging between his eyebrows, a drop of blood sticking out on the end.


	11. Chapter 11

Someone was carrying me. Voices were yelling, and a baby was crying. I was laid down on something soft, and blankets were being tucked around me. I struggled to wake up, pushing back at them.

"No." I said. "No. Daryl."

Soft lips were pressed against my forehead. "I'm here." His voice was in my ear, and I relaxed.

"Daryl."

"I'm here. And I'm never leaving your side, ever. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life." Cool hands caressed my face. "I love you."

I took those words and I wrapped them around me, and then, and only then, did I let myself finally sleep.

"Poor thing. She's been through quite a bit lately." I heard Hershel's voice. "You should get some sleep, too."

"I'm not sleeping. When she wakes up, I want to be here." Daryl.

I peeled open my eyes, and unlike the last time I had woken up like that, Daryl was sitting by my side. He was facing Hershel, talking to him.

"Daryl." I said. "Get some sleep."

He turned back around to me, then, and he looked horrible. He had obviously had no sleep, and he looked sick with worry. Yet he was the most wonderful sight I had ever seen.

"You look awful." I said.

He cupped my face with a hand. "And you look beautiful. Even if someone keeps busting your lip open."

I grabbed his vest and pulled him down to me, kissing him fiercely. Tears streamed down my face and mixed between us, yet I made no move to wipe them off. Hershel left the room quietly, and when Daryl and I broke apart, I buried my face in his neck. His arms squeezed me to him tightly, and I believed what he whispered in my ear.

"I got you something." he said. He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a little box, handing it to me.

"What is it?" I asked.

He smiled my Daryl smile. "Open it and see."

I opened up the box, and nestled inside was a ring. It was a rounded silver band with an arrow etched into it, running along the ring, head to tail. It was beautiful. I looked back up at Daryl, speechless.

"I found it in a jewelry store on one of my runs. It's not to replace the one you have." he said. "I just want you to have it as a symbol that I'll never leave again, ever. No matter what happens. I will be here, for you, always. And I will always love you, for the rest of my life and whatever comes next."

I smiled through the tears in my eyes and pulled it out of the box, sliding it onto my left ring finger. "Perfect fit." I said. "Just like you and me."

And it was. And we were. And I knew that no matter what came next, I could handle it because I had Daryl. And I didn't need anything else.

He pulled me into him, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him to me as tightly as I could. "I want to go back to your cell." I said. "I hate mine."

He ran his fingers through my hair. "That means I can get a whole night's sleep, finally."

Something I had wanted to ask him occurred to me then. "Why were you covered in blood when you came back?"

He looked at me like he didn't want to go down that road, but he answered anyway. "Went crazy on walkers. It was complete insanity; must have killed fifty. Nearly lost my crossbow."

I gripped his vest and shook him lightly. "Stop doing stupid stuff, Daryl Dixon."

He lifted a corner of his mouth. "Do you know me at all?"

I wrapped my hands around each side of his neck. "Sometimes I think I know you better than anybody, and then sometimes I'm not so sure."

He squinted at me, a look on him that had become so familiar to me it was like breathing. "You know me better than anyone. Ever."

I smoothed some hair out of his eyes. He had dark circles under them, more so than usual, and he looked worn down, worse than I had ever seen him. "You definitely need some sleep." I said. "Let's go back to your cell."

I went to stand up, and Daryl reached out to help me, but I swatted him away. "I'm fine." I said, not unkindly but firmly. "He barely touched me. I can walk."

The others had left us alone, so we snuck back to Daryl's cell. I would thank everyone else later for taking care of me; right now I just wanted to enjoy being with Daryl. He closed the cell door behind us and pulled the sheet over the door. He had straightened the cell up since I had been in here last, but it didn't look like he lived in it much. I got the impression he roamed around a lot, apparently watching me wherever I went and not sleeping, ever, I guess. I pointed to his bunk.

"Sleep." I said.

He pulled his shirt off over his head and kicked off his jeans. He slid into his bunk and held out his arms, wiggling his fingers for me to come lay next to him. I wasn't tired, but I wanted him to sleep, so I slipped in next to him. I fit my body up against his lean one and sighed happily as his arms snaked around me. This was what I had missed so much. This was where I belonged.

He kissed me on the forehead and closed his eyes, and I watched him drift off. He looked so peaceful when he slept, and much softer than he looked regularly. He always carried this hard look on his face and rarely smiled, and it was a good cover for the others. But I knew the sweet guy who lay beneath the surface, and I loved him, so much. We had both made mistakes, but we would survive. That was the only choice we had. And the only one we wanted.

I loved everything about him: from the sleeveless shirts he wore to the handkerchief that was always sticking out of his back pocket, to the way he never really spoke in full sentences. Sure, he had hurt me and I had hurt him, but who hadn't been hurt? When you loved someone you accepted them, flaws and all. It wouldn't do to dwell on the negative and never remember how he made me feel when he looked at me like I was all he needed in the world. Maybe we would have a chance at a baby again sometime in the future, and maybe the world would turn out better. Or maybe it wouldn't, but at least I had him.

I snuggled into him and closed my eyes, breathing him in. It was so good to be home.


	12. Chapter 12

I opened my eyes the next morning. Daryl and I had slept for a long time, but he wasn't in the bed next to me. He wasn't in the cell, either. For just a moment I got worried, and then I looked down at my ring and relaxed. I got out of the bunk and put on my clothes. When I reached for the cell door to open it, it slid open from the other side, and there was Daryl, his hair slick from a washing. He was dressed in a relatively clean plaid shirt, with the arms cut off, of course. He looked good. Very good.

"Morning." he said. "Want to get breakfast?"

"Yeah." I said. "Let me wash up first." I made my way down to the bathroom. I cleaned up and then re-joined him at his cell, and we went down to breakfast together. The rest of the group was still there, but noticeably absent were the new people. I didn't want to know what they had done with Nate's body.

"Daryl?" I asked, before we reached our group. "Where are the new people?"

Daryl's face took on a dark look. "We kicked them out."

"Uh, that's not exactly fair." I said. "Nate was the only one who did something wrong."

Daryl shrugged. "Doesn't matter. They came with him. We didn't want to risk anything else happening. We were here first."

I didn't feel good about it, but I didn't feel good about what Nate did, either, so I didn't push it.

The rest of the group greeted me happily when we walked in.

"Good to see you back on your feet." Rick said. Maggie hugged me, and Michonne nodded at me from across the room. "I don't know if Daryl told you, but we took care of the new people. They're not here anymore."

"I heard." I pressed my lips together.

Carl came up to me, peering at me beneath his hat. "You're safe now."

I pulled him to me and hugged him. "Thanks, Carl. And thanks for getting me water and taking care of me."

He shrugged. "Just trying to help."

I sat down at the table while Daryl got us bowls of cereal. He asked if I wanted oatmeal, and I said no vehemently. I didn't know if I could ever eat that again. He joined me and placed my bowl in front of me. It was strange to have him by my side again, after our separation had seemed to last months, even though it hadn't.

"We need some extra people on watch today." Rick said. "I want to make sure the rest of those people don't think they can come back."

"We can do it." Daryl said. He pointed to himself and me.

Rick shook his head. I was going to ask you two to take your bike and check outside the prison as far as you felt safe. I don't want any more surprises."

Daryl and I nodded in agreement. I appreciated Rick including me with Daryl, as I wouldn't even consider letting him leave without me again. We finished our cereal and I cleaned our dishes, and then we headed back to Daryl's cell to get ready to go out. I slipped on my backpack after checking the rounds in my gun. Daryl strapped his crossbow to his back and we left the prison together. The sun shone brightly overhead, and I held my hands over my eyes. It felt good to be outside. I breathed deeply, feeling rejuvenated despite what had happened. It wouldn't do to dwell on the past.

Daryl and I climbed onto his motorcycle and Glenn let us out, locking the gates behind us. Daryl took it slow until we reached open road, and then he revved the bike up. I smiled, the wind whipping my hair around underneath my helmet. I looked around as we drove, not seeing any people. I wasn't sure how far the other group had been able to go, but I kept my eyes peeled.

The road took us through some heavily forested areas, and Daryl drove slowly so I could scan through the trees. Besides a random walker or two, I didn't see anyone. Daryl stopped the bike when we came to a fallen tree that lay across the road.

He turned around. "Seen anything?"

I pulled off my helmet and shook my head. "Nope." I got off of the bike and stretched out my legs. Daryl set the bike on its kickstand and began to walk over to me when we both heard a noise in the woods. It sounded like more than one person walking through the brush. I unsheathed my machete while he swung his crossbow around to his front side. I silently unzipped my backpack and got my gun out. I tucked it into the back of my jeans. He looked at me and gestured for me to follow him into the woods. Daryl ducked down and motioned for me to keep low, too. I crouched, my heart thundering in my chest. When the noises got closer, Daryl and I slid behind large trees to keep from sight.

Several people came crashing through the bushes, and I recognized the people we had made leave. I wondered if they had heard our motorcycle come through, but it was too late to worry about that now.

"How long do we have to stay out here?" the younger girl, Sarah, asked.

"As long as it takes until they aren't expecting us anymore." The blonde guy, Michael, responded.

"I still can't believe they killed Nate." The last one, Naomi, said.

I looked across at Daryl, and he was staring at me, his brow furrowed.

"We will take as many of them out as we can." Michael said, his voice hard. "We'll save the slut and her redneck boyfriend for last."

I was still watching Daryl, and he tensed up when Michael spoke. I could see him gearing himself up to run out and attack him, but I held my hand up. He looked over at me and I shook my head. "Wait." I mouthed. It wouldn't be smart for the two of us to take on the group alone. It would be better to report back to Rick and let him decide what to do.

The group walked farther into the woods, and I waited several minutes before deciding to follow. I wanted to see where they were going to hole up, in case Rick decided to take the offensive. Daryl motioned to follow them, and I nodded, him taking the lead. We stepped through the brush as quietly as possible, our senses on high alert. We didn't see any walkers, which I was thankful for, as disposing of them would cause noise. After a mile or so of walking, we could see a run-down cabin in the distance. The group was standing on the front porch, getting ready to go in, their own weapons held high. I could see only knives; I didn't know if they had any guns. Michael kicked open the front door and they all went in. Daryl and I stopped. He turned back around to me, lowering his crossbow.

"Let me take care of this problem. Now." he said. His eyes were dark and narrowed. "I can handle it."

I shook my head. "I don't doubt it, but it's not smart. Rick would want us to wait."

Daryl shrugged. "He puts the group first. I don't. I put you first."

"And I put you first." I replied. "That's why I don't want you going in there." He frowned, but he didn't move. "We should get back to the prison and tell them what we found."

Daryl clenched up, his hands squeezing his crossbow. I knew he wanted to go after Michael, but I refused to let him. I pushed off of the tree and headed back the way we had come. This forced him to follow me, as I knew he would. Once we reached the bike we sheathed our weapons and hopped back on. Daryl turned the bike around the way we had come and we headed back to the prison in silence. My mind was whirling. Obviously they planned retaliation, but how did they want to go about it? They were three people, and we were many more, and we had the prison.

Maggie and Glenn were on watch, and they let us in when we got back. Daryl parked his motorcycle and we headed inside, looking for Rick. He was inside talking with Hershel. He turned to us when we came up to him.

"We found 'em." Daryl said, taking a seat on a bench. "About ten miles outside of the prison. They're holed up in a cabin, planning to attack us."

Rick looked at Hershel, then back at us. "How do you know this?"

"We heard them." I said. "They said they planning on killing everyone else first, and leaving Daryl and me for last, for what we did to Nate." I hated to say his name.

Rick frowned. "Then maybe we need to go after them before they can figure out the best way to go after us."

Daryl stood. "I can take care of it."

Rick responded as I knew he would. "No, we need to do it together. And we need to talk it over with the group first."

Daryl swung his crossbow around front. "What's the point in talking? We know what they want. We have to stop 'em. End of story."

"Rick, we can't just kill people in cold blood." Hershel said.

"So we wait for 'em to come try to kill us? Kill her?" Daryl pointed at me. "I'm not gonna sit around and wait."

Hershel held up a hand. "I get that you care for her very much, Daryl, but I can't agree with killing people who have done nothing but say some threatening words. Actions speak louder than words."

"Exactly." Daryl argued. "That's why I'm going to take action instead of just sitting here."

"Just wait." Rick said. "We'll talk it over with Glenn and the rest, and if decide to do this, we'll go in the morning."

Daryl dropped his crossbow angrily, but he didn't speak. I put my hand on his knee, and he looked up at me. "Rick is right." I said. "We need to be smart about this." I squeezed his knee reassuringly, and finally he nodded.

Hershel was out-voted at dinner that night, after some heated debate. We decided to leave early in the morning. Rick, Daryl, Merle, Glenn, Maggie, Carl and I would be going. We didn't want to take any risks of being out-numbered, just in case.

Daryl and I walked back to his cell later that night. He closed the curtain and switched on the lantern. I sat down on his bunk and drew my knees up to my chin. "I don't feel entirely okay about this." I confessed.

He studied me in the dim light. "You know why we have to do it."

"I know." I said. "It just seems wrong. They haven't done anything."

"But they will." he said. "And I won't let anyone hurt you. No matter the cost."

I looked down at the floor. The only one I hated was Nate, and he was gone. What if the others were just talking? What if they changed their minds and decided to move on?

Daryl moved over to sit next to me on the bed, and he drew me into his arms. I put my arms around his waist, burying my face in his neck. I wanted to close my eyes and have the world disappear.

"Be careful tomorrow." he said.

"You too." I murmured into his neck. "Don't be crazy Daryl Dixon."

He kissed me, then, and I sighed into his arms. When we broke apart, he looked down at me questioningly, and I couldn't help but smile. He was asking my permission. So I gave it to him.


	13. Chapter 13

We both woke early the next morning and dressed quickly. Daryl stopped before we left his cell and kissed me, hard. He always did everything hard.

"Stay with me. Don't get out of my sight." He squinted down at me, his lips turned down. "Don't do anything we didn't already agree on. If you feel unsafe at all, run back to the car. I'll find you."

I was tempted to argue with him, but I nodded instead. We met up with everyone at the front of the prison, and we all trooped outside. Daryl and I climbed on his bike and the rest of the group got into the SUV. Carol let us out and then locked the gate behind us. Daryl led the way, quickly at first and then slowly as we got closer. We didn't want to cause too much noise so they would know we were coming.

The sun hadn't come up yet, and the cold wind bit at my face. We saw a couple of walkers in the trees, more than I had seen yesterday. We would have to watch out for them when we stopped.

We slowed down about a mile out and decided to walk the rest of the way. We pulled off to the side and parked. We fanned out across the road, but not too far apart. Daryl kept an eye on me, but he let me walk across to the other side of the road. I slid my machete out of its sheath, but we didn't see any walkers that were close enough to take down. Once we got closer to where we needed to get to the cabin, we joined in a single file line and stepped into the woods. Rick went first, then Daryl, and me. Merle took the back. We crept as silently as we could, keeping our eyes peeled. I swung my head back and forth, peering through the trees. A movement caught my eye to the left, and a walker came stumbling out behind a large tree. Daryl swung his crossbow around but I got to the walker first. I swung my arm in a wide arc and decapitated it, its head falling down to its shoulder and bouncing off towards the ground. The body collapsed and fell over. I certainly wasn't strong enough to take down a healthy human, but a rotted corpse was easier. That's why I had chosen a machete as my weapon of choice. No reloading required.

Daryl winked at me and we both got back in line. After ten minutes of careful walking, we finally saw the cabin in the distance. Unfortunately, it was surrounded by walkers, who were banging on the windows and roaming the porch. I could barely see Michael and Sarah inside, passing by the window every once in a while.

Rick came to a stop and held up his hand, motioning us to gather around him. We knelt in a small circle. "We have two options." he said. "Let the walkers get them and we leave, or we get rid of the walkers and then we get rid of them."

"It seems risky to take on that many walkers." Glenn said.

"I want to know they're dead." Daryl said gruffly. "I want to see their bodies."

I squinted and tried to count how many walkers there were. "I can see about fifteen walkers. There are seven of us. We can each take down two walkers."

"At least one of us needs to guard the cabin to make sure they aren't running out." Rick said. "So someone will have to get more walkers."

"I got it." Daryl shrugged.

"Me too." Merle said.

"Let's just all get as many as we can." Maggie said.

Rick looked at his son. "Carl, you watch the back of the cabin and make sure they don't run out. If they do, fire your gun in the air twice. They won't go out front with the large concentration of walkers there."

"Okay." Carl said.

We stood up and fanned out again. Daryl looked at me and mouthed "Safe." I nodded. We came on the walkers as silently as we could, and then all hell broke loose. I brought down the first one I came upon with my machete through the back of its head. I yanked it back out and into another walker that had lurched my way when it saw me. I shoved my machete through its eye until I saw it come out the other side. I kicked it away from me, my machete sliding out with a sickening sound. That was my two, but I didn't care. I wanted more. I saw a walker lunge for Maggie from behind, and I swung my machete, separating its head from its shoulders. Cold fingers grabbed my free arm and I spun around, cutting off the walker arm that was holding mine. I stabbed my machete into its open mouth and shoved it away from me once I had pushed my machete through. It dropped to the ground.

Suddenly we heard two gun shots, and we all froze momentarily. Glenn dispatched the last walker, and we all took off to the back side of the cabin where Carl was. Michael and Sarah looked over when we came around the side of the building. I didn't know where Naomi was. Carl had his gun trained on them both, but Sarah was pointing her own gun back at Carl.

Michael grinned. It was an ugly grin. "Thanks for taking care of the biters. We weren't sure we were going to get out of there."

Daryl stepped forward, his crossbow pointing at Michael's heart. "You aren't."

Michael dropped his fake grin. "What do you want? You made us leave. So we left. Why are you here?"

"We know about your plans." Rick said. "We can't take any risks."

"Risks?" Michael asked. "What are you talking about?" It bothered me that I didn't know where Naomi was.

"We know you're going to attack us in the prison." Glenn said.

Michael laughed loudly. "Attack you? Us and what army?" he asked. "You guys are paranoid. So what are you planning to do, kill us in cold blood?"

Rick cocked his gun. "You made that decision for us when you decided to attack our prison."

Strong fingers grabbed my hair suddenly and yanked me back. A knife slid up against my throat. "Drop the machete." A female voice whispered in my ear. I let go, the machete slipping out of my hand.

"Now you've made our decision." Naomi called out, and the rest of my group turned to me. Daryl stepped out of the circle, training his crossbow on Naomi behind me.

"Let us go or she dies." Michael said, regaining his confidence. Naomi held the knife tightly against my throat, and I felt a trickle of blood slide down my neck. My heart was thundering so loud in my ears I could barely hear anyone speaking.

Daryl started to head towards us, but Naomi pulled me back farther. "Stay back!" she screamed. "Or I'll kill her right now!" Daryl looked apoplectic, but he stayed put, his hands clenching his crossbow so hard they were bloodless.

"Let her go." Rick said to Michael, holding out his hands. He took his finger off of his trigger. "Let her go and we'll let you go."

"And how do I know you won't come after us when we're trying to leave?" Michael asked.

"You have my word." Rick said.

"Oh, your word?" Michael scoffed. "How precious. Maybe we should take her with us in case you decide to try any funny business."

"You don't need to take anyone." Rick said. "We'll let you go."

Daryl was looking at me, his eyes narrowed. He seemed to be trying to convey something to me without Naomi realizing it, too. He dropped his eyes down to the ground, and then looked back up at me. I blinked, unsure. He dropped his eyes down to the ground again, and up once more. Finally I knew.

"I don't think it's going to work like that, buddy." Michael said. He motioned to Sarah and Naomi. "Let's go. Take her with us."

"NOW!" Daryl bellowed, and I dropped suddenly to the grass. He let loose an arrow and it caught Naomi right in the eye. She fell backwards, and I heard two gunshots. I looked over and both Daryl and Carl's guns were smoking, and Michael and Sarah were down on the ground. I turned around to look at Naomi, who wasn't moving. The arrow in her eye was still quivering. I grabbed her knife and threw it in the brush.

Daryl rushed up to me and dropped his crossbow. He reached for my neck. "You okay?" he asked. His fingers came away bloody.

"Just a scratch." I said. I looked over at Naomi, lying there in the grass where she had been standing there alive just moments ago, and I started to shake. It could have gone much, much worse than it did.

Daryl helped me up and drew me into his arms. I took a shaky breath and looked up at him. "I'm okay." I said. I bent over and picked up my machete. Maggie came over and hugged me, and I hugged her back gratefully.

"I'm glad you're okay." She said. "Thanks for saving me back there."

I nodded. Rick and Carl walked back over to the rest of us. Carl looked unbothered by what he had just done, and it made me sad. Kids would never be able to be kids again.

"We should bury them." I said suddenly, surprising myself. "Even though…we should still bury them." I said again.

Merle scoffed. I ignored him.

Rick peered at me, and then the group, and finally he nodded. "Maybe there's a shovel inside." He headed into the cabin.

Daryl was squinting at me again. "You sure you're okay?" he asked. "You've kinda been through a lot lately."

I shrugged. "Who hasn't?"

Rick came back out with a shovel and we took turns digging graves. Glenn and Daryl dragged the bodies over and shoved them in one by one as we made the graves. Merle took care of the walkers that had wandered our way once they heard the noises of our guns, as he couldn't help much with digging. When we were done we were all filthy and sweaty.

We headed back towards our vehicles, once again in a line formation. We only ran into two walkers, which Daryl took care of. We were all exhausted, and were grateful when we finally reached the car and motorcycle. I climbed on behind Daryl and put my helmet on. I closed my eyes and leaned into him as he drove back. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

Carol let us back in again, and we shuffled into the prison in silence. It wasn't easy for any of us, except perhaps Merle, to accept what had just happened. It was different with walkers. These were real people, and even though they wanted to hurt us, it still wasn't easy to kill them.

Once we got back inside I went to wash up, taking my time. I let the water run over my sore muscles, the dried blood washing down my neck and into the tub. I felt marginally better when I got out and made my way back to Daryl's cell. He was lying on his bunk, staring up at the ceiling. I sat down at the end of the bed. We didn't speak, and when I finally got up and lay down in his arms, he kissed me on the forehead and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up a few hours later. I didn't feel rested at all. I rolled over and opened my eyes. Daryl was lying next to me, his arm over his forehead, staring up at the ceiling. I put my head on his shoulder and sighed. He wrapped his arm around me.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I keep picturing our baby." he whispered. "Every time my eyes close." Grief choked my throat, and I couldn't speak. It was the first time he had voluntarily brought it up with me since we got back together. "I won't ever forgive myself."

I blinked rapidly, willing the tears in my eyes not to fall, but they did anyway. They slid silently down my cheeks and onto his shoulder.

"How can you possibly still want to be with me?" he asked. "I don't understand, after what I did."

"Because I love you." I said, simply. "People make mistakes."

He shook his head. "I've made too many. You deserve better."

I sat up then, his arm falling off of my shoulders. "You don't get to tell me what I deserve, Daryl Dixon." I said. "We've all made mistakes. If we used that as an excuse to keep from being together, then no one would be with anyone ever again. But if we can find one shred of happiness in this dismal world, shouldn't we take it? You need to let me decide what's best for me. And I've decided it's you."

He squinted at me in thought, and finally nodded. He brought me down to him in a hard kiss. And then we did what we always did, and I soothed his soul this time, as he always did for me.


	14. Chapter 14

Things got back to normal after a few weeks. Our biggest problem, however began to be how to keep supplies in stock for Judith. Daryl and I did constant runs, but eventually we had cleaned out everything within ten miles of the prison. We were going to have to go farther than we had ever gone before, and we weren't looking forward to it. It had made me feel safe to know that the prison was only a few miles away, minutes by car. This time would we would have go to at least twenty or thirty minutes out. We debated as a group for a few days on who would go and how, and finally we decided on Daryl and me again, as we worked well as a team and knew the outlying area of the prison better.

We packed our bags early in the morning, including a few rations in case we got stuck somewhere. We agreed with Rick on a time that we would be back, and if weren't back by that time he could send out a search. It was times like these I really missed cell phones.

Daryl and I hopped onto his bike and drove out of the prison. We had brought extra gas for the ride, but we would need to find some while we were out, too. Maggie had made out a grocery list of sorts for us, and I had it tucked away in my pocket. Daryl and I rode in silence. We passed the highway with broken down cars, and the turnoff where we had gone to the corner stone, and kept going. The land around us was full of trees, for as long as I could see. If seemed like we drove for ages, even though it couldn't have been more than half an hour. I was anxious about being so far away from our group. I trusted Daryl and felt safe with him, but it still made me nervous.

Finally I began to see buildings in the distance. We drove for a few more minutes until we got close. It was a small town, but it had more businesses than we had seen before. The tallest one seemed to be some sort of hotel. Broken windows gaped out at the streets, and I didn't see anyone, living or dead. Still, we didn't know what was inside the buildings. Daryl brought the motorcycle to a crawl on the main street. It was really the only street.

"Looks dead." he said.

"Maybe it hasn't been picked over too much." I said hopefully. He started the bike up again and we drove slowly. We came upon a mini-mart, and Daryl parked the bike out front. When we got off, he swung his crossbow in front of him and looked at me.

"Safe." he said, as he always did. I nodded. He walked swiftly but cautiously to the front of store and stuck his crossbow in first. I came in behind him, my machete held aloft. The items in the store had been spilled out into the aisles, and I kicked them around, looking for things we needed. Daryl circled the inside of the building while I searched. I threw what I could into my backpack, glancing at the list every so often. He came back around to me when I stood up. I looked around.

"I think I got what I could here." I said. "Let's go to the next one." We were hoping for a hardware store. Daryl led the way back out and we climbed onto his bike again. He cruised the street slowly. Finally we saw a ramshackle building on the back edge of town with a sign hanging over it that said "Bill's". Painted underneath the words were a hammer and nails. Daryl parked in front and we got off his bike. He went in first again, and I followed behind. This store was clear, too. That seemed odd to me. Where were the walkers? I pushed the thought aside and got what I needed. I was having good success at crossing the items off of my list, and I couldn't wait to show the group what we had gotten.

Daryl and I emerged back out into the daylight. I shielded my eyes with my hands. "Why aren't there any walkers here?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Just be glad they're not here."

I bit my lip and climbed onto the back of the bike with him. Now we needed gas. Daryl circled back up on the other side of the street and we pulled into a used car lot. We got off of the bike and Daryl went to work siphoning gas. I kept watch, even though there was nothing to watch for. When he was done, he tied the gas cans to the bike and looked over at me. "Is that it?" he asked.

I nodded. "I think we got everything we came for. We can always come back with an SUV when we get low again and really stock up. But this should last for several months." He climbed back onto the bike and I got on behind him. The gas cans bounced against my legs as he turned the bike around. I was glad we were getting out of there. It seemed creepy.

Daryl drove back up to the road and we headed towards where we had come in. I looked down to stick my machete back in its pouch and suddenly the bike came to a screeching halt. I slammed into Daryl's back, hard. "What-?" I said, pushing off of him. He didn't say anything. I looked around him then, and nearly dropped my machete. Coming down the road towards us must have been two hundred walkers.

Daryl cursed and turned the bike back around. Our problem was there was nowhere to go. The buildings were all squeezed together onto the main road, and the bike wasn't good for off-roading with our heavy load. I looked around furiously for an idea. I pointed at the first thing that came to mind. "The hotel!"

Daryl revved the bike and we sped away from the advancing walkers. My heart pounded in my chest as we pulled up to the hotel and leapt off of the bike.

"Grab your bag!" Daryl said, swinging his crossbow onto his back. He yanked our supplies off of the bike and ran towards the front door of the hotel. I followed him, adrenaline coursing through my veins. "Lock the door!" he yelled, dropping our stuff once we got inside. "I'm going to check out this floor. Put whatever heavy stuff you can in front of the doors."

I got to work quickly. The doors were clear glass, and I could see the walkers making their way down to the hotel. The sight terrified me. I started pushing chairs across the lobby towards the front doors. Daryl came back after what felt like a lifetime. I kept checking through the glass for walkers.

"Clear." he said. He started helping me push things in front of the doors. The walkers were only a few hundred feet from us now. They could see us through the glass, and the sight seemed to stir them up. A walker with long matted blonde hair lurched forward and slammed against the glass, startling me. "That's the best we can do." Daryl said. "Let's get upstairs. The higher the better." He swept up our stuff and headed for the stairs, and I followed him. I looked back before I reached the stairwell door, and the glass was full of walkers. Their rotting hands left smudges on the glass. "Come on!" Daryl yelled down at me, startling me into movement. He had made his way halfway up the stairs. I took off after him up the stairs, and we didn't stop running for at least five flights.

Finally he slowed down on the sixth landing. He put his bags down and took mine from me. "Let me check out this floor before we go in. You stay here." He kicked open the door and led with his crossbow. I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath. I was terrified, and trying to come down from an adrenaline high.

"Daryl." I said. "Let me help you check. There's a lot of rooms."

"No." he called out, his voice muffled. "I've got it. Stay there."

I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. If we were to get out of this situation he was going to have to let me help. I just had no idea how to get out of it.

Ten minutes later Daryl came back up to me, his crossbow down at his side. "It's clear up here. Let's grab our stuff and put it in a room until we can sit down and think." He picked up the heaviest bags and I followed him into the first room by the stairs. "I want to be able to run if we need to." he said. "If we stay farther down the hall we don't be able to get out."

We dumped our things on the bed and I sat down in a chair across from it. The rooms were tiny, with only a bed, a chair, and a dresser with an old TV on top of it. Daryl sat down on the bed, taking his crossbow off. He squinted at me.

"You okay?" he asked. I shrugged.

"What are we going to do, Daryl?" I asked, worriedly.

He heaved a sigh. "Stay up here until we think of a plan."

"Can we sneak around back?" I asked. "Isn't there a back entrance?"

"And then what?" Daryl asked. "My bike is out front where the walkers are. We can't run back to the prison."

I chewed on my lip. "At least we have food to eat." I said. "And water." I went to my backpack and pulled out what we had: three bottles of water, four granola bars, two cans of peaches, two cans of beans, and a package of jerky I had taken from the mini mart. I guess if we got in dire straits one of us could try to run down to the mini mart. I voiced that thought to Daryl.

He nodded. "We'll save that as a last resort, though."

Something occurred to me then. "Won't the group come looking for us eventually?"

"They'll have just as hard a time getting through those walkers as we will getting out." Daryl said. "They can't waste all of our ammunition mowing them down. We just need to sit tight for now until I can think of something or the group does show up. There are five floors between us and the walkers. They're not getting in here."

That seemed like famous last words to me, but I trusted Daryl, so I didn't say anything to contradict him. "Now what?" I asked instead.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. I shook my head. He ripped open the jerky bag and took out a piece. He gnawed on it silently while he thought. I wanted him to tell me that we would be okay, but I knew that wasn't like him. Daryl took things at face value and dealt with them. It wasn't like him to dwell on dreams or wishes. Maybe because he never had a chance at any. I hated whoever took that away from him.

The room we were in faced into the street, and I pulled open the curtain and slid open the sliding door. I walked onto the balcony and looked down at the horde that had gathered in the front of the hotel. Walkers piled on each other, and I could hear them thumping on the glass door. A strange sensation went over me as I gazed down at them: I felt seperate. I glanced back at Daryl sitting on the bed, ad he made me feel so safe, even under the current circumstances. I felt like I could just look at him for ages and forever be happy. I could never get enough of him. Maybe he didn't believe in dreams, but I did, because he was mine.

He noticed me looking at him then, and he came over to me and joined me on the balcony. "What's up?" he asked.

I smiled at him. "Just thinking how much I care about you."

He lifted the corner of his mouth. "Yeah?" he asked. He seemed to get shy when I made a point to tell him how much he meant to me.

"Yeah." I said. "I don't tell you that enough."

He shrugged. "No one ever really has."

My heart twisted painfully, and I remembered the night he told me about his scars. "Then I need to tell you more." I said. "I love you, Daryl. So much."

He studied me a moment before answering. "I don't deserve you." he said. "But God, do I love you."

Those words were what I held onto when it was dark and the world overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes as emotions rocked over me. Warm lips settled over mine, and Daryl pulled me into him.

"Safe." He murmured against my lips, and at least for this one moment in time, I actually was.


	15. Chapter 15

The sun streamed through the thin curtain, bright on my closed eyelids. I rolled over to avoid it and stretched out my legs. I didn't feel Daryl next to me, so I opened my eyes finally. I sat up, rubbing the sleep away. I glanced around the bedroom. Daryl wasn't in it. I slid out of bed and into my clothes. I grabbed my machete and my gun, just in case, and opened up the bedroom door. I poked my head around the door and there was Daryl, sitting against the wall, his crossbow in his lap. He looked exhausted.

"Daryl?" I asked. "What are you doing?"

He looked up at me, his eyes puffy. "Keeping watch." he said.

"Uh, we could have traded off." I said. "You let me sleep all night. Have you slept at all?"

He shrugged and shook his head. "I don't mind."

I frowned. "Well I do. We're in this together. I sleep, you sleep. You can't fight walkers very well if you haven't slept."

"I have before." I knew he was referring to the time he slaughtered a horde alone when we had our big fight, but I didn't want to go there.

"Well I'm rested, so now it's your turn. Go sleep. I've got watch." Daryl looked like he wanted to protest, but I opened the bedroom door and pointed at the bed. "Sleep."

He stood up and walked into the room after planting a kiss on my forehead. "If you hear anything but silence, scream and I will come running. And I'm leaving the door open."

"Okay." I said.

"Got your gun?"

"Yes, Daryl." I said. "I have my gun and my machete. Now go sleep."

He nodded and turned around, kicking his shoes off before he crashed onto the bed. He was asleep within seconds. I watched him sleep for a moment. I wanted to go back to him and brush the hair out of his eyes, but I didn't want to wake him. I stood outside the room until I was tired of standing, and eventually I slid to the floor, sticking my legs out. The hotel was quiet. I couldn't hear the walkers this far up.

After a while I began to get restless. I didn't want to leave Daryl, but I couldn't just sit here and stare at the wall, either. I tucked my gun into the back of my pants and stood up, stretching my sore limbs. I walked across the hall and tested the doorknob to the room opposite ours. Locked. I looked back at the stairwell door. Nothing. I moved onto the next door down. Locked. Finally at the third door I had luck. The doorknob twisted open beneath my hand. I checked the stairwell door one more time before I decided to enter. I was keeping an ear out for anything that would be a threat to Daryl, but I wanted to check for anything we could use, too.

I knew Daryl had already scoped out the floor we were on, but still I pushed open the door and led with my machete into the room, just in case. The furniture was identical to ours, and nothing else was in it. I checked in the dresser drawers but I knew nothing would be there, and it wasn't.

I backed out of the room and went to the next one. Still no movement in the hallway. I felt guilty wandering away from Daryl, but I pushed aside the thought. This room looked like it had been lived in at some point. The comforter and sheets were askew, and there was a sleeping bag on the ground. There was a duffle jammed behind the door, and I grabbed it, turning it upside down over the bed. Nothing useful came out except a flashlight, which I switched on. It worked. I stuck it in my back pocket and looked around to see if I missed anything else. I left the room and went onto the next, which was locked, as well as the next two. I kind of wished I could go back to the lobby level and get a master key, but I knew Daryl would flip out if he found out I left the floor. Finally the last door in the hallway was unlocked. I pushed it open, and my heart rate picked up. This one had much, much more in it than the others I had run into. Standng in the corner was a folding tent that was partially erected, and the inside was filled to the brim with books. The closet door was cracked open, and I opened it with my machete. Propped against the walls of the closet were rows and rows of guns. My mouth dropped open. They were all rifles or shotguns, and scattered among them were boxes of ammunition. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I rubbed at them, semi-wondering if I was actually dreaming. There were so many guns here that there was no way Daryl and I could take them back on our own. We would have to come back with the group, if we ever got out of here.

I backed out of the closet and looked around the rest of the room. On the bed were several duffel bags, and I grabbed the one closest to me, sliding it open. Food. Cans and cans of food were stacked in the duffel bags. I opened them all eagerly, my pulse pounding in my ears. There was enough food in here for months. I couldn't wait to show Daryl. I skimmed over the rest of the room, but it didn't really matter. Whatever else was in here was just a bonus. I crouched down to look in the tent at the books. There were a lot of classics and some modern short story collections. I picked out one of each. It had been so long since I had read a book.

I couldn't wait to tell Daryl, but it hadn't been that long since he'd been asleep, and I wanted him to rest as much as he could. I took my books and left the room, heading back to ours. The hallway was still quiet. I settled myself outside of our room and placed my books in my lap. I was too excited to read right now.

A loud thump on the floor below brought me back to reality. I stood up, pulling my gun out from behind me. Daryl came shooting out of our bedroom, his crossbow held in front of him. His hair was mussed up from sleep, but he looked wide awake.

"What was that?" he asked. I looked back at him and shrugged. "I'm going to check it out. Stay here."

I shook my head. "Nope. I'm coming."

He sighed angrily but headed down the hallway anyways. He opened the stairwell door carefully and poked his crossbow around the corner. I looked over his shoulder. Nothing.

"Going down." he said. We crept down the stairs silently. When we got to the door to the next floor, Daryl kicked the door open and slipped into the hallway. I followed behind him, and we saw a walker stumbling down the hall. Daryl lifted his crossbow and shot it right between the eyes.

I looked down the other side of the hallway. "I don't see any more." I said.

"Me either." Daryl said. "But how did that one get up here?"

"Maybe it was already here." I said. "You didn't check every floor, did you?"

He shook his head. "No. But I'm going to now. Go back upstairs and wait for me."

"Daryl." I said. "I can check a floor while you do one. It will go faster that way."

He squinted at me. "What are we in a rush for? We can't do anything until the rest of our people come here anyways."

So I guess that was what he had decided to do. Wait for our people. It had already almost been a day. How much longer were we going to sit here?

"Let me help." I said, frustrated.

He was quiet for a moment, apparently holding an internal debate. I gave him about thirty seconds, and then I spoke up. "I'll take the third and fifth floor. You take the second and fourth."

I didn't wait for an answer, and I knew I probably made him mad, but I turned around and pushed open the stairwell door. I loved Daryl, and I appreciated him trying to protect me, but he had to realize that I had taken care of myself for a long time before I had met him. He had to trust me.

An hour later I had thoroughly searched both floors, and I didn't see any walkers, or any extra supplies. I took the stairwell back to our floor. Daryl was waiting by our bedroom door, leaning against the wall. I could feel even across the room that he was angry. When he saw me, he turned and walked into the bedroom without a word. I sighed and followed him in. He put his crossbow on the bed and sat down in the chair across from it. He stared moodily into space.

I leaned up against the doorway and crossed my arms over my chest. "You may want to stop being mad at me for a minute so I can show you something pretty incredible that I found." I said.

With what seemed to be a huge effort he dragged his eyes over to me. "Yeah?" he asked. "What's that?"

"Come see." I turned and stepped out of the room, waiting for him to follow. He waited a beat but then he stood up and followed me out, grabbing his crossbow and slinging it over his back. I walked to the end of the hallway and pushed open the door to the last room. I gestured inside and stepped back so he could go in first. Daryl peered at me and then stepped into the room.

It was very rare indeed to see a look of utter shock on Daryl Dixon's face, and I was duly rewarded. Before I left the room I had dragged out all of the guns and ammo and put them onto a sleeping bag so we could roll them up and go. I had also condensed the food into the biggest duffel bags, and cans peeked out of the tops of them. Daryl turned to me, his jaw hanging slack.

"Wow." he said.

I laughed. "I know!"

He grabbed me to him and kissed me hard on the mouth. "You are amazing."

I shrugged. "I didn't do anything. I just found it."

He frowned as something occurred to him. "We can't take all of this with us."

"I know." I said again. "But I hope that when the group gets here they decided to take an SUV with them so that we can take it all."

Daryl shook his head. "You continue to surprise me. My turn." He bent over and picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder. I squealed as he carried me back to our room and kicked the door shut.

And surprise me he did.


	16. Chapter 16

It was the third full day in our hotel. I stayed on the balcony nearly constantly, watching for a sign of our people. Why weren't they coming? Where was Rick, Michonne, Glenn? The walkers still wandered around the glass doors of the hotel. It looked like even more had come to join the others.

"No point watching." Daryl said to me, when I had been pacing back and forth on the balcony for nearly an hour. "They'll get here when they get here."

I turned around to face him. He was sitting on the bed, his legs stuck out in front of him. His arms were behind his head.

"Aren't you worried at all?" I asked. "We agreed on a time we'd be back and we also told them where we were going."

Daryl shrugged. "Doesn't mean they can get here as easy as us. I trust Rick. I know he'll come."

I sighed and flopped into the chair across from him. "I trust Rick, too." I said. "I just feel restless sitting up in here. Helpless. Besides, we're getting low on water." We had one and a half bottles left.

Daryl patted the side of the bed next to him, and I got up and went over to sit next to him. He put a hand on my leg and scooted it up my thigh. "I can help you pass the time." he said, his voice low and seductive.

I laughed. "You're insatiable." I said.

He pulled me to him and nuzzled his face in my neck. "I just can't get enough of you." He kissed me, gently, and the love I felt for him washed over me again. I hugged him to me and wrapped my arms around his waist. I closed my eyes and hoped.

It took three more days before Daryl began to be concerned. We had officially run out of water. We had food, of course, but no water. We weren't desperately thirsty yet, but it was time to come up with plan B.

Daryl leaned out over the balcony, watching the walkers below. I stood next to him, my arm draped across his back and playing absent-mindedly with his hair. It made me feel better to be in constant contact with him. Otherwise I felt myself dancing on the edge of panic.

"I hate them being around my bike." he said. "Nasty pieces of-" Suddenly he stood upright. "My bike." he said.

My arm dropped to my side when he stood up. "What about it?" I asked.

"The gas." he said. He leaned back over the balcony and peered down below. "The gas cans are still there."

I shrugged. "So?"

"So I can torch 'em." he said simply, as if it was completely obvious what he was thinking.

"Torch them?" I asked. "How?"

"Pour gasoline on 'em. Light 'em on fire. Blow 'em up. I'll figure it out." he replied.

"Uh, okay." I said slowly. I furrowed my brow. "There's just one small problem. How are you going to get to the gas cans?"

He walked back into the bedroom and picked up his crossbow. He swung it onto his back. "A diversion." He headed to the door but I grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"A diversion?" I asked. "Whoa, Daryl, stop and think a minute, please." He looked at me impatiently. "You can't cause a diversion and get the gas cans both. You need to let me help."

"No." Daryl said automatically. "Too dangerous. Absolutely not."

Anger rose in my belly. I was so tired of him being stubborn and foolish and never letting me help him. "You can't do this alone." I said. "Let me cause the diversion while you get the cans. I can do this. Trust me." I gripped his hand hard.

He looked heavily into my eyes for a moment before responding. I waited, holding my breath. "Okay." he said finally. He nodded. "Okay. Let me figure out how we're going to do this that doesn't get us both killed."

Daryl sat back down on the bed and stared thoughtfully into space. "Maybe I should create the diversion." he said. When I began to protest, he held up a hand. "Just let me talk for a second. I can create the diversion, draw the walkers to me, and you can run out the door, grab the cans and run back in. If the walkers somehow end up surrounding me, I can get out. I don't want to risk you having to do that."

While he was talking, I crossed my arms over my chest and listened patiently for him to finish before I spoke. "Daryl." I said. "Can you just trust me for once? Please?"

He frowned. But I held firm, and finally he seemed to relent reluctantly. "Fine." He said, exhaling. "You cause the diversion while I run out to my bike. But I think it's incredibly risky."

I picked up my machete and my gun and walked towards the bedroom door. "What's not risky nowadays?" I asked. When I left the bedroom I turned right.

"Where are you going?" Daryl asked. He stood outside of our room, ready to go left towards the stairwell.

"I'm getting another gun." I said. I pushed open the door to the last bedroom and walked over to the pile of guns.

"That's my girl." I heard Daryl say from the hallway. I picked out a shotgun that had seen sawed down. It looked to me like it could inflict a great range of damage. I popped it open to check the ammo, then grabbed a few more shells and put them in my pockets. I closed the gun back up and left the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Daryl led the way to the stairwell, and we walked down the five flights together. I kept my focus on the wings embroidered on his vest, trying not to be scared of what we were about to do. Even though I wanted him to let me help, I still knew it was dangerous. When we reached the bottom floor, the sight of the walkers pressed up against the glass shook me to my core. It was unnerving to be so close to so many of them.

"You go around back and draw their attention to the side of the building. Keep running so they follow you away from the hotel. When they're far enough away you come back. Don't hang around." Daryl said. "I'm going to run out when they're clear, grab the cans, and run back. Come back inside immediately. Don't be a hero. Don't look for me or worry about me; just keep yourself away from them." He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me to him roughly. "Safe." he said, before kissing me. I nodded and we parted.

I pushed my way out of the heavy metal back door, into the daylight. The sun shone down brightly, and I gave my eyes a moment to adjust. I needed to be able to see okay to stay away from walkers. I put my machete in its sheath and hoped I wouldn't need it. I checked my shotgun one more time and then headed to the side of the building. I crouched down and walked a few hundred feet away from the building. I needed to get them to follow me away from the building entirely, so Daryl could come out the same way. We still had the front door blocked off. The walkers were still swarmed around the front of the building, and they seemed stirred up at the sight of Daryl and me.

I took a deep breath. "Hey, dummies!" I yelled. "Hey! Look over here!" I took my shotgun and pointed it at the closest group of walkers. I pulled the trigger and three of them exploded on the spot. When the rest heard the noise, they turned my way and really began to work themselves into a frenzy. I turned and ran away from the group, looking back over my shoulder every once in a while. "Follow me!" I screamed. "This way!" It was like I was leading a parade of the dead. I wanted to turn around and find Daryl, but I couldn't risk it. My heart was pounding so loud I almost couldn't hear anything else.

A walker stumbled out in front of me from the front of the next building and I pulled the trigger on the shotgun again. After it went down I kept on jogging, but I cracked open the gun and reloaded it. My hands were shaking, and it was hard to reload. I finally snapped it shut and looked over my shoulder again. They were still following me. Good. After the third building I passed, I ducked off the street and ran into the grass behind it. I doubled back the way I had come. I looked behind me and a few walkers had followed me, but most of the group was still walking down the main street, not realizing they weren't following me anymore. I glanced over after I passed each building, making sure they were still walking the opposite way.

Unfortunately, they all weren't. A group of walkers shuffled into my path, and I fired my shotgun at them. Four of them went down. I fired again, and three more went down after them. I didn't have time to reload, so I pulled out my machete. I stabbed the first one in the eye and shoved it away from me, my machete sliding out using its momentum. The second one was reaching for me and I stuck my machete through its throat. When I pulled it out I whirled and punched my machete through the last one's gaping mouth.

I took off again. It was harder running back behind the buildings. I was running on uneven ground, and there was a lot of trash and tall grass to run through. I looked behind me, and more walkers had joined the ones following me back to the hotel. As I ran I reloaded my gun, and it took my attention off of the ground. I stepped into a hole and went down, hard. My knees took the brunt of the fall, and I had no time to brace myself with my hands. The fall took me by surprise and I struggled to recover. I rolled over, and a group of walkers were already leaning over me. I fired my gun. Three walkers exploded. I tried to scramble to my feet, but more were still reaching for me. I fired again, but my aim was off and I only got two walkers. Suddenly I was yanked up by the collar of my shirt and shoved backwards. Daryl jumped in front of me and stabbed two walkers in the forehead, one right after another with his knife.

"GO!" he yelled at me. I didn't fight him this time. I took off for the safety of the hotel, Daryl following on my heels. A few walkers had wandered around to the back of the building, and we killed them together quickly. I threw myself through the back door and skidded into the lobby. Daryl clanged the door shut behind us and locked it. I turned around and threw myself into his arms.

"Thank you." I said. "I thought I was a goner there for a minute. "

"Me too." Daryl said. I braced myself for him to be angry that I had come so close to being attacked, but he surprised me by smiling instead. "But you were awesome."

A grin spread across my face. "Really?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. You didn't panic, even when you fell. I've seen too many people lose their heads when they're around walkers, let alone being surrounded by them like you were. You're amazing."

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. I was so glad he was okay. Even though I could hear walkers thumping into the back door now, the adrenaline began leaving my system, and I remembered why we were standing there. "Did you get the gas?" I asked.

Daryl pointed behind me. "Look for yourself."

I turned then, and my jaw dropped. Not only had he gotten the gas, but somehow he had driven his bike inside, too. "How…?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I knew when we doused the walkers that it would torch everything out there, and I didn't want my bike blowing up. So I drove it in here along with the gas cans. Figured we could drive it out once it's safe."

I was stunned. "Daryl, how did you keep the door propped open?"

"Dead walker." he said.

"You're amazing." I said, echoing him and emphasizing the "you're". He shrugged again.

"We need to draw the walkers back to the front of the building so we can get most of 'em doused in the gasoline. We need to get rid of most of them so when we come back to get the guns and stuff we have the least amount of walkers to deal with possible. Come over here." Daryl walked over to the glass doors of the lobby and started banging on the glass and shouting. I followed suit, and walkers slowly began drifting back to the glass. They got riled up again by being so close to us, and a chill slid down my spine despite everything that had just happened. It was still scary to see a mob of the undead like that.

When we had gotten most of them back in the front of the building, Daryl and I grabbed the gas cans. "Let's go up one floor and start pouring the gasoline out onto them." Daryl said. He led the way upstairs to the floor above us. We walked to the bedroom we figured was closest to being directly above the walkers. The door was locked, so Daryl set his cans aside and backed up to the opposite side of the hallway.

"What are you doing?" I asked. I needn't have, as he came running across the hallway and slammed into the door shoulder first. The door cracked but didn't budge, so he did it again. "Be careful, Daryl!" I said. The third time did the trick. He stumbled through the door, leaping over the broken wood. He picked up the splintered door and tossed it into the hallway. He really was a no-nonsense kind of guy.

We picked the cans back up and walked into the room, which was covered in dust. I guessed no one had opened it since the hotel was no longer up and running. Daryl deposited his cans on the floor and opened the curtain to the balcony. He unlocked the sliding door and opened it. He went back and got his gas cans, and I followed him out to the balcony.

"Pour the gas on as many as you can get." Daryl said. "We need volume."

I unscrewed the top to the first gas can, and looked down. "Hey, up here!" I yelled down at the walkers. A few of them looked my way, and I tipped my gasoline can right over them. They didn't react to the liquid. "Come over this way!" I yelled. More walkers crowded underneath the balcony as they spotted us. I shook my can over the crowd, Daryl doing the same next to me. When I was done with all of my cans I stood back. Daryl looked over at me. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded. You stay in back in the room. I'll do this part."

I stepped back through the doorway and stood by the bed. Daryl took out his lighter and looked sadly down at it. "Hate to lose this." he said, but he shrugged and lit it, tossing it over the balcony. He joined me inside the bedroom. The fire was slow to catch on at first, and then I could feel the heat creeping up from below the balcony. I smiled over at Daryl.

"We should go back downstairs and make sure it's working." I said. I left the bedroom, Daryl following me, and we walked back down to the lobby level.

It looked like a wall of orange on the other side of the glass. Walkers were stumbling around on fire, and if they weren't burning yet, they started to when others bumped into them. It was working better than we had hoped.

"I think whatever's left we can handle easily." Daryl said. "Especially when the rest of the group comes back to the get the other stuff."

"Daryl." I said. "Where do you think they are?"

He didn't answer, and that made me feel worse. What would we find when we went back to the prison? Instead he said: "I'm going to go back to our room and get our stuff so we can get out of here when we get a chance."

I nodded. He went back upstairs. I walked closer to the lobby doors and watched the walkers. Their faces and rotten skin were melting off, with zero reaction. They were just…burning. It was beyond bizarre. They collapsed as the fire overtook them, one by one. I put my hand up on the glass and it was warm. I watched them for a moment, feeling sad for reasons I couldn't explain.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to Daryl. He had come up without me hearing him. He set our bags down on the ground and opened his arms, and I moved into them, laying my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and even though he didn't speak, he still knew how to soothe my aching soul.

After watching most of the walkers burn, Daryl and I grabbed our bags and put them on. "I'm going to open the back door and drive us out." Daryl said. "I think that's our best bet." I nodded and watched him as he slung his crossbow over his back. "Got everything you need?" he asked me.

"Yes." I said meaningfully. "I do have everything I need."

He looked up from his bike and squinted at me. "Me too." he said, and I smiled. He propped open the back door and came back to the bike. He got on, and I climbed on behind him. We were finally heading towards home.


	17. Chapter 17

The trip back to the prison took longer than we wanted, because it was getting dark out. We had to be very careful, and it certainly wasn't ideal. If we hadn't been stuck in the hotel for so long we wouldn't ever have chosen to leave at night. Daryl drove slowly, weaving in and out of the broken down cars.

Finally the prison came into sight, and while I was glad, I was also scared. I didn't know what had kept our people from coming. Daryl stopped the motorcycle about a mile out. The woods around us were eerily quiet.

"I'll lead the way in." Daryl said. "Stay close behind me and keep your eyes open." He didn't say he would make me stay outside, which I appreciated. Maybe he was finally learning to trust that I could take care of myself. He started the bike again and we continued down the road towards the prison. When we were on the final stretch of road I squinted at the gate and saw Maggie on watch. I was glad she was okay, but if she was, where was everyone else?

Maggie jumped up and down and waved when she saw us coming. She let us in the gate and when we pulled in and parked the motorcycle, she practically leapt into our arms. "I'm so glad you guys are safe!" she cried. "We were so worried!"

Daryl frowned at her. "Where were you guys?"

The smile disappeared off of Maggie's face. "You should go inside to our cells. I'm going to stay out here and keep watch."

My heart picked up speed. "What's going on, Maggie? What's the matter?"

She nodded toward the prison. "Just go." She turned back around to face the yard.

Daryl took off for the prison and I followed him, hurrying to keep up with his long strides. He held his crossbow in front of him, but I left my machete in my sheath. I didn't think Maggie would send us in with a bunch of walkers. I was afraid it was one of us.

We rounded the corner into our cells and saw the rest of our group piled around one cell. Some of them were sitting, and others, like Carl, were standing and looking in. It was Rick's cell. My heart sunk down to my stomach. We were greeted happily but somberly by the rest of our people. Hershel took both of us aside.

"Rick's sick." he said, simply. "We thought he was better. The day after you guys left he thought he saw Lori in the vegetable garden and he went mad. He tore up the whole garden. He shot at Glenn but missed, thankfully. We were finally able to get him to calm down, and we medicated him to keep him that way at first, but the medicine has long worn off and he doesn't want to wake up. He just stares into space. He won't even react to Carl."

"Where's Glenn?" I asked.

"Out looking for you." Hershel said. "Rick was the only one who knew where you both were, and he couldn't tell us. Glenn has been looking all day, every day." That explained why Maggie was on watch. I would've watched for Daryl if it had been him going out there. "Where have you guys been?"

"Walkers." Daryl said. "But we took care of them. We need to go back, though. There's a huge cache of weapons and food we need to get."

"Wait for Glenn to get back and we can come up with a plan." Hershel said. Daryl nodded in agreement.

Daryl and I headed back to his cell and dropped off our stuff. We were both exhausted. And gross. I went to wash up, and I felt like I had washed four weeks of grime off. I took long gulps from a bottle of water and looked at myself in the mirror. We had come really, really close, but we were still here. I had Daryl to thank for that, and Rick, too. He had saved my life twice. I wanted to see him, but I didn't want to go there when everyone else was around. I decided to wait until later that night.

After I washed up I went back to Rick's cell, where everyone else was gathered on the outside still. I didn't look in at Rick.

"Has Glenn made it back yet?" I asked.

Carol shook her head. "Maggie's still out there on watch."

"I think I'm going to go join her." I said. Daryl had been talking to Hershel, and I walked over to him. "I'm going to keep Maggie company until Glenn comes back." He nodded. He squeezed my hand and mouthed "safe." I nodded back. He didn't tell me he loved me a lot, but I knew that was his way of saying it.

I pushed my way out into the night and walked down the yard, joining Maggie at the fence. "Does he usually stay out this late?" I asked

She nodded. "We've been trying to find you guys since you didn't come back when you said you would. But we haven't had anything to go on. What happened?"

I explained the story to Maggie. She grinned when I told her about us lighting the walkers on fire. "Sounds like something you two would do."

I smiled back and shrugged. "It was Daryl's idea."

"Of course." she said. She shifted her gun to the other side. "This thing gets heavy after a while."

We heard a rumbling down the road then, and two headlights popped up in the distance. The SUV came down the road, and Maggie opened the gate, visibly relieved. It must have been hard waiting for Glenn every day. I stood back as Glenn parked the SUV. When he got out, he held his hands up at me and looked at me in total confusion.

"Wha-?" he said. He jogged over to me and hugged me. "You're here! Are you okay? What happened? Where's Daryl?"

I laughed and held up my hands. "We're both fine, Glenn. We got back earlier today. We got trapped by some walkers but we took care of them. Daryl is inside talking to Hershel about Rick."

The smile on Glenn's face disappeared. He ran a hand through his hair. "We don't know what to do about him."

"They found a bunch of guns and food, Glenn." Maggie said. "We have to go get them."

"Let me talk to Daryl." Glenn said, leading us back into the prison. Glenn and Maggie headed over to Daryl, Glenn greeting Daryl with a not very manly hug. We all laughed. I decided to go back to our cell and I dropped onto the bunk. My body was sore and my muscles ached. I kicked off my shoes and wiggled out of my clothes. I grabbed a clean tank top and pulled it on. I lifted the covers of Daryl's bunk and slid in. It felt so good to be home.

Daryl came in a little bit later, his hair still wet from washing. He closed the curtain on his cell and undressed. He slipped in next to me in the bunk and pulled me close to him. I sighed, burying my face in his chest.

"I'm worried about Rick." I said.

"Me too." he replied. Daryl was never one to make promises he couldn't keep, but I wished he would tell me Rick would be okay. He didn't, of course.

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling of the cell. "Sometimes I wondered if we'd make it back here."

Daryl took a lock of my hair and wrapped it around his finger. "You're tougher than I thought." he said. "I'm proud of you."

That was high praise, coming from him. I couldn't help smiling. "I learned from the best." I said. "There's not a better teacher in being tough than Daryl Dixon."

He kissed my bare shoulder. "I'm not always as tough as people think I am. Maybe I just want them to think that."

I knew he was telling me the absolute truth about himself then. I propped myself up on my elbow and looked down at him. I put my hand on his chest. "I think you're the most complicated person I've ever met." I said. He quirked an eyebrow at me, but I continued anyway. "You accept things as they are, and you're not afraid to face them. You don't believe in making excuses; you believe in taking action. You have no problem killing walkers because they're only shells. They're mindless. But you don't let people in because you're afraid. You're afraid of being hurt. So you're a fearless man whose greatest fear is people. That's why you're complicated."

Daryl didn't speak. He stared at me for a few moments that seemed to last a lifetime. I worried I had made him mad for a moment until he drew me down to him and kissed me. The kiss was different than the ones we had shared before. His hands were in my hair, on my face, running down my arms. His entire body seemed to arch towards mine. When we broke apart finally he looked fiercely into my eyes. "The only thing that scares me anymore is not having you."

As I looked back at him, everything we had been through flashed through my mind. My insides ached as I remembered our baby. What could have happened, or could have been…it was gone.

"I'm sorry." Daryl said quietly.

I nodded back at him. "Me too." I burrowed deeper into the sheets and lay my head down on his chest again. After a while, his breathing evened out and I knew he had fallen asleep. I waited a bit longer before I slipped out of the bed. I pulled my jeans on and left our cell quietly. I made my way down to Rick's cell. Carl was standing on the outside, and he looked dead on his feet.

I put my hand on his small shoulder. "I've got this, Carl." I said. "Why don't you sleep for a bit?"

He looked too tired for a kid of his age. It made me sad and angry all at once. He seemed like he wanted to resist at first, but finally he nodded and walked into Rick's cell, where he had set up a small cot. He folded his body underneath the sheets and was asleep in seconds. He looked so tiny. I watched him for a minute before I stepped into the cell myself. Rick was lying on the bunk, his hands crossed over his stomach. His eyes were open, and he blinked every so often, but he didn't seem to see anything. I walked over and sat down gently next to him at the bottom of the bed. I put my hand on top of his folded ones. I watched him sadly for a moment.

"I lost somebody, too." I said, softly. "He was my fiancé, and he was killed protecting me. I was a coward, and he saved me. Just like you did, Rick. You saved me when you took me into the group. And if I can return the favor, I will. I was in a bad way before I met you guys. I was living, but I wasn't alive. I didn't have anything to live for, and now I do. I have you guys, and Daryl. Who I love more than I've ever loved anything in my life. But we need you, Rick. All of us, we need you to be okay. We can't do this without you. We don't want to. I don't want to. You're the glue that holds us all together. Carl and Judith need you the most. Come back for them. Please." I trailed off. Rick didn't move or indicate that he had heard me at all. As I looked down at him tears welled up in my eyes. These people meant so much to me, and I hated to see any of them in pain.

I slid onto the floor of the cell, still holding Rick's hand. I didn't want to sleep. Rick had done so much for me; I wanted to be there for him if I could. I looked over at Carl, thinking how much he had grown, even in the time I had been with the group. I leaned my head back on Rick's bunk and sighed. I was so exhausted from the last few days, but I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't stay closed, and my mind kept running. I heard Judith start to cry from Beth's cell, and I heard her stirring. Suddenly I felt a squeeze on my hand, and I turned around. Rick was looking at me, blinking his eyes rapidly and squinting. I turned over and knelt next to his bed.

"Rick?" I asked, quietly. His eyes were bloodshot.

He frowned. "What's going on?" He rubbed at his eyes with his free hand.

"You've been, uh…out of commission for a few days." I said. I bit my lip. "We've been really worried about you."

"How long?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Well, we've been gone for six days, and I think Hershel said you, uh, you know…the day after we left." I replied.

He sat up, letting go of my hand. "You've been gone for six days?"

I stood up. "Yeah. Daryl and I got trapped by a bunch of walkers."

"Is Daryl okay?" Rick asked.

I nodded. "Yes. He's asleep in our cell right now."

Rick looked up at me standing over him. "Did you say you were engaged?"

I blinked. I didn't think he'd heard any of that. "Uh…yeah." I said, stupidly.

He looked down at his wedding ring. It seemed like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I felt so sorry for him then. It must be incredibly tough being the leader of a group in our circumstance. "I just miss her so much sometimes." I sat down on the bed next to him and drew him to me. Rick wrapped his arms around me and laid his head against mine. It was the only comfort I could think to offer him.

"Dad?" Carl asked groggily from his bunk. "Are you awake?"

We both turned to Carl and I let go of Rick.

"Hey, Carl." Rick said softly. He smiled at his son. Carl stood up and walked into his Dad's arms. I left the cell quietly, wanting to let them be alone. I walked back to Daryl's cell, and he was sitting up, waiting for me.

I crawled into the bunk from the bottom and into his waiting arms. "He's awake." I said, right before kissing him. I kissed him hard, squeezing my arms around his neck. "I love you, Daryl, more than anything. You are my entire world."

"And you're mine." he said. He seemed puzzled by how I was acting. "Are you okay?" I didn't answer; instead I kissed him again, and again.

Later, when we were finally getting ready to sleep and my head was on his chest, he asked me something I had thought about myself before but never voiced. "If you could go back and live a normal life and stay with Matthew, get married and have kids, but we would never have met, would you do it? Or would you go through all of this again?"

I smiled at him and ran my finger along the collar of his shirt. "I would do all of this again in a heartbeat, Daryl." I said, and I meant every word. "I loved Matthew, but not like I love you. I didn't fit with him like I do you. I don't know if you believe in soul mates, but I do, and I found mine. It's you. It's always been you; I just didn't know it until I met you."

Daryl sighed and stroked my hair. "If the world was the way it used to be, I'd ask you to marry me right now."

My breath caught in my throat. "You would?" I asked, sitting upright on the bed.

"Of course." he said. "Unfortunately, there's no one to do the ceremony and I already gave you the ring."

I looked down at my ring. It shone in the light of our lantern. I didn't know if he was actually asking, and I didn't want to assume so.

Daryl smiled then, my rare smile, and sat up. He took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply. When we pulled apart, he ran his hands down to my shoulders. "I never thought things would end up like this."

"Like what?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I always figured I'd be alone. Always was before. I'm not exactly, uh, talented with the ladies."

I laughed. "You're better than you think you are."

I didn't get any sleep that night. For the first time in a long time, all my future held was hope.


	18. Chapter 18

The next morning we stumbled into the cafeteria bleary-eyed. Rick was sitting at the middle of the table, and our group chattered happily around him. I was glad we were all back together, too. I squeezed Daryl's hand. He went to get us breakfast and I sat down, next to Maggie.

"I told Rick that you guys found a bunch of weapons and food." Glenn said.

"What exactly did you find?" Rick asked.

Daryl sat down at the table next to me. He placed our bowls in front of us. "We found, well, she found, a hotel room that had a stockpile of guns and canned food. The guns are mostly shotguns and rifles, with lots of ammunition, too. It's a good enough amount that it's worth taking the risk and going back."

"We should take the SUV." Rick said. "You two need to go with me since you know the layout. What can we expect as far as walkers go?"

"Are you sure you're up for it, Rick?" Hershel asked. He looked concerned.

Rick ignored him and looked at Daryl and me. "Most of the walkers we took care of." I said. "But there could have been some that came back since then. There were about two hundred when we were there."

Carol gasped. "That's too dangerous. You can't go back there."

"Were there." I said. "We got rid of most of them."

"What if they've come back?" Beth asked.

"It's a risk we have to take." Rick said. "We need those guns."

"I'm in." Merle said. "Let's go." He stood up, his chair screeching backwards. He had calmed down a lot since our altercation, but I still didn't favor being around him. Daryl put his hand on my knee.

"We'll take my bike." Daryl said. "You guys take the SUV."

A half an hour later we were ready to go. Rick, Merle, Glenn, Carl, Maggie, Daryl and I left the prison together. The five of them piled into the SUV while Daryl and I got onto his bike. They let us take the lead like last time. It was warm outside but not hot. The sky was blue with no clouds, and I took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air. As grateful as I was to be back in the prison safely, it got stuffy quickly. That's why I liked to work in the garden. I'd have a lot of fixing to do, I thought ruefully.

It didn't take as long to get there as it did last time. Daryl had to go a little slow at parts to allow the SUV to squeeze into places, but finally we came upon the little town. Smoke still rose from the hotel. A small band of walkers had formed in front of the hotel again, perhaps drawn by the commotion from the fire. It looked like something the seven of us could handle, though. Daryl stopped the bike at the edge of the main road and we got off. Rick and everyone else piled out of the SUV.

"What's our plan"? Daryl asked.

Rick gazed over at the hotel. "What floor is the stuff on?"

"Sixth." I said. "Last room on the right."

"Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, Carl and Merle, stay down here and take care of the walkers. "You," he pointed at me. "and I will go upstairs, get the stuff, and run back down to the SUV. We need to pull the car as close as we can. Is there a back entrance to the hotel we can go in?"

I nodded. "It's how Daryl and I got out. We blocked off the front to keep the walkers out."

"Then we will go in and out that way. You guys stay in front with the walkers." Rick said.

We got back into our vehicles and Daryl lead the way down the main road. The front of the hotel was blackened and covered in ashes from the fire. The walkers turned towards us at the sound and began shuffling our way eagerly. When we got close enough, we stopped the vehicles and jumped out. The walkers descended on us immediately. I pulled out my machete and stabbed the one closest to me.

"Come on!" Rick yelled. He aimed his gun and brought down a walker. I ran wide of the group and followed behind him. I looked back at Daryl, but he was engaged with two walkers. My heart pounded hard in my chest as Rick and I ran around to the side of the building and towards the back. The door was still propped open from how we had left it, and a few walkers had wandered inside. Rick and I disposed of them quickly and I charged for the staircase. I used my adrenaline to propel me up the six flights.

"It's the last room on the right." I said. Rick walked ahead of me in the hallway, his gun drawn. He reached for the doorknob and pushed the door open, sticking his gun in first. I peered around him. Everything was still there, piled just how I had left it.

It was almost as rare to see Rick shocked as it was to see Daryl that way, and I enjoyed the look on his face thoroughly. "Wow." he said. "This is amazing."

I heard a click, and then cold metal was pressed against my temple. "That's what we thought."

Rick whirled around at the voice and aimed his gun at someone behind me. "Drop it, sweetheart." The voice in my ear whispered to me, indicating my machete. I dropped it onto the floor. "Now kick it away." I did as the voice said.

"Let her go." Rick growled, pointing his gun angrily. The closet and the bathroom door of the room burst open, and four more guys with guns filched from the stash stepped out, pointing them at Rick.

"I don't think you're in any position to give orders, fella." the person behind me said. "Now you put down your gun like a good little boy."

"No." Rick said. "Let us go and you can have all of this stuff. Just let us walk out of here."

The guy chuckled. "We're taking this stuff regardless of whether you walk out of here or not."

"What do you want then?" Rick asked.

"We want to know where you're coming from." the man said. "We watched this little lady and her boyfriend the whole time they were here. It wasn't very smart of them to not check the entire town out, but we do appreciate them taking care of the infected. And now that they've found this nice little stash, we'll be taking it with us to wherever you people are staying, and we'll be taking that, too."

"No." Rick said. "Let go of her or I will kill every single one of you."

The guy behind me laughed, a loud deep laugh from his belly. The gun he was holding against my head was turned in Rick's direction, and before Rick or I could do anything, he fired. The noise was so loud I thought for sure my eardrum had burst. Rick went careening backwards.

"RICK!" I screamed. I went to run across the room to him but I was yanked back.

"Not happening, ma'am." the guy said. "I told you what we want. He didn't agree to it, but we aren't here to negotiate."

Rick rolled over and groaned, and I was so relieved he was alive I wanted to cry. He didn't seem conscious, though.

"Pick him up." he said to the other people with him. "Take him with us. If they won't tell us where they're staying, maybe some of their friends outside will."

Daryl. Surely they didn't think that five of them could take on the seven of us. But they also had all of the guns. The other men packed up the items and slung them over their shoulders. They lifted Rick between them, and his head lolled onto his shoulders. He was definitely unconscious.

The guy with the gun turned me around and shoved me through the doorway. He poked the gun into my back. "No funny stuff." he said. "Or I'll shoot you, too." We walked down the lobby level in silence. I was trembling all over, but I tried to keep a level head, especially with Rick out of the picture for now. I was shoved out the back door of the hotel and marched around to the front. My group was clearing out the last of the walkers. They turned when they heard us coming, and Maggie cried out when she saw us. Daryl, Glenn, Merle, and Carl raised their guns at the men immediately. I looked at Daryl, unable to keep the fear out of my eyes. He tightened his grip on his gun and pointed it at the guy behind me.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you." the leader said. He turned me so the group could see the gun behind my back and he indicated Rick with his head. "I've already shot one of them. "

"Dad!" Carl yelled.

"Put your guns down." the leader barked at them. No one dropped their guns. He let go of my arm and brought his gun back, bringing it down to crack across my face. I saw bright spots and blinding pain exploded behind my eye. I would have fallen to my knees if he hadn't held me up. Daryl screamed my name in pure rage.

"Put them down!" the guy yelled again.

"Put 'em down." Daryl said to our people, fury making his voice shake. One by one I heard my group drop their guns. I was having a hard time focusing. "Now, then. I asked them kindly where you all are living, and they both declined to tell me." He gripped my arm hard. "If you want these two people to live, you're going to tell us where you're staying."

No one spoke.

"So be it." A blinding pain exploded across the back of my neck, and I felt myself slide away.


	19. Chapter 19

Everything hurt. An involuntary groan escaped my lips. I opened my eyes and squinted at light coming from a lantern that had been placed next to my head. I was facing a wall. I tried to stretch out my limbs, but my arms were tied behind my back. My shoulders screamed at me when I moved them. A voice murmured my name, and I forced myself to roll over. Rick was tied up across the room from me. His shoulder was soaked in blood, and he was slumped against a bed.

"Rick!" I said. I was glad he was here with me, wherever this was. I struggled to push myself to a sitting position. The rope my hands were tied with chafed angrily against my skin. "Are you okay?" I asked.

He grimaced. "As best as I can be." He shifted over to his good side. "Unless they took it, there's a pocket knife in my back pocket. See if you can get it."

I turned around and shuffled backwards to Rick. He turned his back to me and I squeezed as close to him as I could, as the ropes didn't give my hands much range. I felt awkward reaching into his pocket, but if the alternative was death I could live with a little embarrassment. I fumbled around until I felt it at the bottom of his pocket, and I slowly eased it out.

"Got it." I said. I opened it up with my hands and adjusted myself to line up with his ropes. "Ready?" I asked. I sounded like Daryl. My chest squeezed, but I pushed the fear away. I couldn't think about that right now.

"Yes." Rick said.

I began sawing slowly. I was scared that I was stabbing him, too, but if I was Rick didn't say anything. It took me what felt like an eternity to saw through his ropes, but finally he was free. He winced when he rolled his shoulders forward, and then he reached for my hands, untying them. I rubbed at the red skin when he was done. "Let me look at your shoulder." I told Rick. I didn't know what I was doing, of course, but I wanted to help if I could.

Rick unbuttoned his shirt and lifted his arm out of its sleeve. Dried blood was caked all over his arm and his chest. I looked at the wound itself and while it was bad, it didn't seem to be as terrible as I first thought. "I think it grazed you, Rick." I said. I didn't see an entrance or an exit wound, but still a large chunk of his skin and muscle was missing. "It got a good hunk out, though." And it was still bleeding. His skin looked pale. He was losing too much blood. I needed to staunch the flow if I could, I knew that much. I gazed around the room for an idea. We were in what must have been somebody's bedroom. There was a small bed and a nightstand, and that was it. I went over to the nightstand and opened the drawer. Empty. My eyes landed on the bed, and I got an idea. I picked up Rick's pocket knife and threw the comforter back on the bed. I grabbed the sheet off of the bed and pulled. Rick was still leaning against the bed, so I eased him up carefully and got the sheet from behind him. I helped him lay back against the bed again. I sat down on the floor across from him and picked a spot at the top of the sheet. I slid a corner of the sheet underneath my knee to keep it from slipping and pulled it tight. I measured about four inches across the sheet and I began cutting down the sheet to make a long strip. It was slow going and jagged, but I thought it would work. When I was done I tossed the rest of the sheet aside and knelt in front of Rick.

"Let me help you lean forward." I said. I grasped his forearm and let him put his weight on me. "Can you lift your arm, even a little bit?" He winced again but he held it up. I took the end of the strip I had made and I began to wrap the sheet around his wound. When I was done I tied the ends together in a knot. Rick looked down at it and back up at me gratefully. He eased his arm back into his shirt.

I sat back down next to him against the bed. I sighed. "What are we going to do?"

"I need to figure out where we are before I can figure out how to get out of here." Rick said. He went to push himself up, but I put a hand on his arm.

"Why don't you rest for a minute?" I said. "You were just shot."

He took a deep breath and leaned back against the bed, closing his eyes. "I've been shot worse than this before."

"You were still shot, Rick." I said. "Take it easy for just a minute."

He looked over at me, and he lifted his hand to my face. He gently touched under my eye, and I bit my lip. "That hurt?" he asked. I nodded. "It's bruised."

I shrugged. "I've been hit worse." Rick smiled. "How bad do I look?" I asked.

He leaned his head back on the bed and closed his eyes. "Hideous."

I punched him on the leg, and he laughed. He opened his eyes again and rolled his head over to face me. "Seriously, though." He looked at me and the smile disappeared off of his face. "Thank you, for bringing me back." I stopped smiling, too. I looked back at him, blinking slowly. "I'm sorry you lost your fiancé."

I swallowed hard, pushing down the feelings that always swirled up when I thought of Matthew. Instead I brought Daryl's face to my mind. I looked down at my ring. "I'm sorry about Lori." I said. "But thank you for Daryl." We must have been thinking the same thing, because we each reached for each other's hands then. Rick squeezed my fingers, and I smiled at him gratefully. It made us both feel better to know that we weren't alone. Our grief unified us.

After Rick had rested for a bit we attempted to develop a plan. Rick stood up and walked over to the window, which was covered in metal bars. While he tried pulling on a bar, I walked over to the door and tried the handle. Locked, of course. I put my ear against the door and heard voices speaking outside, but they were too low for me to understand what they were saying. I turned back to Rick and shook my head.

"Can't hear anything." I pointed to the window. "If we could somehow get the bars off, can the window even be opened?" He tugged on the window sill, which didn't budge.

"It would take some force if it could be opened." he said. "Which I don't exactly have right now."

"Don't make your arm worse." I said. "We'll have to figure something else out. I hope the rest of our people are okay." I worried about Daryl. Neither Rick nor I had been conscious, and we had no idea what had happened to them. The only thing that made me feel slightly better was that Daryl was a survivor, and I knew he would take care of everyone else, too. I longed to see his face more than anything at that moment.

"I have a feeling Daryl is being held back right now from just charging in here and trying to kill everyone to get to you." Rick lifted a corner of his mouth and smirked. "He's just slightly impulsive."

It gave me hope that Rick thought Daryl would be coming, too. I just prayed he was in a well enough state that he could. Suddenly the door to the room burst open, and Rick moved over in front of me quickly.

"Look who's awake!" the leader stepped into the room, two of his cronies coming in behind him. I grabbed onto the back of Rick's shirt.

"What do you want with us?" Rick asked. His voice was deep and angry, and I knew he hated feeling helpless.

The leader looked at us, scratching his neck. He had long greasy blonde hair that he had tied back in a ponytail. He was holding a gun but for the moment it wasn't pointed at us. "I told you people back at the hotel what I wanted. And since none of your friends gave up your location, we had no choice but to take you for collateral until they do."

"They're not going to tell you." Rick said.

The man's eyes looked over at me and he grinned. "I think if I torture the girl in front of her boyfriend he will."

A chill ran down my spine, but despite that I realized what he was saying. Daryl was okay! Rick reached around behind him and grabbed my arm. "You'll have to kill me to get to her." he said.

The blonde man cocked the trigger on his gun and pointed it at Rick. "That can be arranged."

"Uh, Tom." one of the other guys spoke up. "I thought you said we needed both of them."

Tom shrugged. "The girl would do just as fine."

"Yeah, but he's the leader. They'll want to keep him around." the guy said. "I bet they'd tell us more for him than for her."

Tom scratched at his chin with the gun while he mulled it over. "You may be right, Sam." He pointed his gun in our direction. "You two rest up, 'cause we'll have a good 'ol time when your friends decide to come back and try to rescue you. Try escaping and we'll kill you both on the spot. If your friends come we'll kill them, too. Sam is out here watching." The three men left and the door closed with a resounding bang. The door locked again from the outside. I briefly wondered what idiot had built a bedroom door that locked from the outside.

Rick turned around then and I let go of his shirt. I didn't realize how hard I had been gripping him until my fingers ached when I let go. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said, sitting down on the bed. "Just scared."

Rick sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. "I'm not going to let them hurt you."

How familiar that sounded. I knotted my hands in my lap. I was glad that Daryl was safe, but I wanted him so badly it hurt. I smiled at Rick gratefully. "Thank you." I said. "For everything."

He smiled back. "What are friends for?"

That was a phrase I hadn't heard in a long time. Friends. Of course these people were my friends now. I patted Rick on the knee and scooted back onto the bed. I sat up against the headboard and drew my knees up to my chest. I put my chin on top of them. Rick and I were silent for some time as we both thought.

"Should we just wait for our people to come?" I asked.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know." Clearly he was frustrated. "I'm afraid that will put them in danger as well as us. Our best bet would be to find an escape route that doesn't involve anyone else."

The only problem was that neither one of us knew one. The room was small and bare, with nothing to aid our cause. Still, after a while of sitting we both got up and explored the room inch by inch, even though we knew it was fruitless. The sun went down in the sky and night came in through the window. I was sitting back on the bed when I heard a scraping noise on the outside of the window. I looked over at Rick, and he stood up. He had heard it, too. He went over to the window and pulled back the curtain. On the other side of the pane was Daryl. My heart leapt up into my throat and I wanted to cry out in relief, but I knew I couldn't. I jumped up off of the bed and ran to the window. When he saw me he put a finger over his lips. I nodded. Rick reached through the bars and lifted up the window as much as he could without causing fresh bleeding on his wound. Daryl took over, pulling up the window sill as quietly as he could, but still he struggled as it hadn't been opened in some time. I bit my lip and looked anxiously at the bedroom door. I hoped they didn't hear anything. When Daryl had gotten the sill most of the way up, he reached his hand through the bars and passed a gun to Rick, followed by another one. Rick nodded his thanks and took them over to the bed. He slid the clips out quietly and checked the ammo. I couldn't take my eyes off of Daryl. He reached his hand through the bars and I slipped my fingers into his.

"Thank God you're okay." I whispered. It felt so good to touch him.

"You too." he said softly. "Wish I could get in there with you without putting you in danger."

Rick came back up behind me. "How did you guys know where we were?" he asked.

"I followed 'em." Daryl said. "After they knocked you guys out, they took you both away at gunpoint. But they're not very bright, 'cause they didn't even look to see if I was following them." Rick handed me the other gun, and I took it in my free hand.

"We need to wait until they come in the room and then we can take them out." Rick said. "If we go out there they will shoot first."

"Just watch out." Daryl said. "They may not be smart but they're armed, and that makes them dangerous."

Rick nodded and moved away from the window to give Daryl and me some privacy. Daryl looked hard into my eyes. "I need you to be careful." he said. "Let Rick take the lead."

"Okay." I said. "Are you going to stay out here?"

"Yes." he said. "I'm not leaving you. But I'm going to watch the front in case one of them tries to leave. They're not getting out of here alive."

The look in his eyes sent a chill down my spine. I was definitely glad to have him on my side, even though killing more people bothered me deep down inside. Sometimes it was hard for me to keep thinking we were the good guys.

Daryl seemed to read my mind. He unlaced his fingers from mine and turned my hand over. He brought it to his face and pressed his lips into my palm. It was such a tender, un-Daryl like thing to do that it brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes he didn't even resemble the person I had first met. "I love you." he said, quietly. "Be safe." He let go of my hand and melted back into the shadows.

I stepped back and let Rick shut the window. A tear squeezed out of my eye and I dashed it away quickly. I sat down on the bed and looked at my gun. Now all we had to do was wait.


	20. Chapter 20

A few hours went by in silence. I guessed they didn't plan on feeding us or giving us any water. I heard them talking every once in a while. The front door opened and shut a few times.

"It doesn't seem right." I finally said to Rick, after we hadn't spoken for quite some time. "It feels like the last time. Like we're killing them in cold blood."

Rick looked over at me and frowned. "This is hardly cold blood. We're being held captive."

"I know." I said. Still, it wasn't easy for me to just accept killing humans. Everyone was in a bad way nowadays. We all made decisions we wouldn't normally make. "And I know they've already shot you. It's just hard to stay strong sometimes. I don't know how you guys do it all of the time."

Rick reached over and took my hand. "We don't."

Suddenly we heard the key in the lock, and Rick and I jumped up. I grabbed my gun and clicked off the safety, my heart hammering in my ears. Rick and I leapt over to either side of the door, going to stand along the wall. Rick had told me to stand behind the door when it opened. He was going to shoot as many as he could that came in first, and I was to get any that came in after, in case they all didn't come in at once. The door swung wide, and Tom stepped in. "Ready for some fun-" Rick took him down with a shot right in between his eyes. He fell down where he was standing, and Sam came tumbling in behind him, tripping over the body. Rick shot him twice on the way down. I heard a clatter in the front room, and the front door was thrown open. Rick and I stepped over the bodies to go after the last guy, but it wasn't necessary. The back of his head blew open and splattered across the floor. When he fell, I could see Daryl standing there, a plume of smoke curling away from his shotgun. I handed my gun to Rick and ran across the room to Daryl, who gathered me up in his arms and hugged me to him. He lifted me off of the floor and I buried my face in his neck. He set me back down after a moment, tilted my face up to his, and kissed me. I wanted to cry with relief. Rick walked by us and patted Daryl on the shoulder. He stepped out into the night.

I turned back to Daryl. "I love you, too." I said.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You said you loved me when you were at the window, but you left before I could say it, too." I smiled. "I love you, too."

He kissed me again and then released me. "Let's get back to the rest of the group." he said. "They're worried."

Daryl took my hand and let me out of the house. We were in a small wooded area. I didn't recognize where we were, so I asked him.

"About ten miles down the road from the hotel." he said.

"If they knew about that room with the stuff in it, why didn't they take it all?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Maybe they just found out about it, like we did." We walked a little ways through the woods before we came upon the road. Maggie, Glenn, Merle and Carl were waiting by the SUV and Daryl's motorcycle. They had surrounded Rick, who was explaining what had happened. Maggie broke away from the group when she saw us and ran up to me and hugged me. Daryl let go of my hand.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" she said. "But can you stop getting in trouble?"

I laughed, for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I'm trying my best." The three of us rejoined the group. Daryl stood close to me protectively. I leaned into him, so glad to be back with him.

"We still need to get the rest of the stuff out of the hotel room." Rick said. "Do we want to go now or try again in the morning when it's light out?"

"Do it now." Merle said.

Maggie shook her head. "You two need to rest, at least for tonight. You've been through a lot."

"What if somebody takes the stuff?" Carl asked.

"Drop me off at the hotel." Merle said, shrugging. "I'll watch it until you get back tomorrow."

"No way." Glenn said. "We're not leaving you with all of that firepower."

Merle rolled his eyes. "At what point do you people finally start to trust me?"

I could see Glenn gearing up for a fight, so I put my hand up to intercede. "Let's all just go back to the prison and we'll come back in the morning."

"Agreed." Rick said. The group dispersed, and Daryl and I climbed onto his motorcycle. We took off for the prison. I closed my eyes and finally let go of the tension that had been in my body for the last several hours. Daryl's body was warm and hard against mine, and I finally felt safe.

Carol let us into the prison when we got back, and Daryl and I headed back to his cell after waving to the rest of the group. I didn't feel like talking at that moment. I went to clean up and grabbed a bottle of water. I gulped it down on the way back to Daryl's cell. I ducked underneath the sheet and closed the cell door behind me. Daryl was sitting up on the bunk. He lifted a corner of his mouth in a half-smile when he saw me. I didn't smile back; instead I grasped the ends of my shirt and pulled it off over my head, discarding it on the floor. I wiggled out of my jeans and climbed under the covers with him. I needed him, then, and so I took him. All of him.

Afterwards, we lay on our backs on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "When we go back in the morning we're going in together." Daryl said. I agreed with him; bad things seemed to happen when we were separated. I rolled over and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

"Okay." I murmured. I was so tired. I snuggled in as close as I could get to him, and he draped his arm across my shoulders. His chest rising and falling soothed my exhausted soul. I tried to freeze this moment in my mind: myself, in Daryl's arms, as safe as I had ever felt since this whole thing had started. I knew of course that it wouldn't last, but I wanted the memory anyways. I wanted to be able to come back here whenever I needed to. And I would.


	21. Chapter 21

I woke early the next morning. Daryl was coming into the cell, ducking underneath the sheet. He was holding two mugs of coffee, and he handed one to me when I sat up. I accepted it and took a big gulp. I needed to be awake when we went back to the hotel, even if I still felt like I hadn't slept enough.

"I guess it would be fruitless for me to ask you to stay here while we go." Daryl said.

"Yes." I replied. "Besides, we agreed last night not to separate again."

Daryl put down his mug and picked up his vest, shrugging it on. "Worth a shot." he grumbled.

I smiled into my mug but I didn't reply.

"Everybody's meeting in the cafeteria." Daryl said. "After we eat we're heading out."

I stood up and grabbed my jeans, stepping into them. I grabbed a top and pulled it on, then slid my shoes over to tug them on. When I was done I picked up my mug again and drained the last of the coffee. I slipped my backpack onto my shoulders and left the cell, Daryl coming behind me. He was digging in his bag for something, and he stopped me when we reached the cafeteria doors. He pulled a long hunting knife out of his backpack and handed it to me.

"I know it's not your machete, but I figured it'll do. I took it from our stash of weapons." He handed me the knife.

I took it, touched that he had thought of that. I undid my belt and slid it on. I pulled the knife out of the pouch and tested its weight; it felt pretty good. I put it away and stood on tiptoe, kissing Daryl on the cheek. "Thank you." I said. "That was sweet of you to think of me."

He shrugged and looked away, embarrassed I guessed. I stepped around him, smiling to myself, and went into the cafeteria. I fixed our breakfast while Daryl went to sit down with the rest of the group. Rick was in the midst of explaining what had happened to us, and that we were going back to the hotel to get the supplies.

I sat down next to Daryl and placed my bowl on the table. "Rick." I said. "We forgot about the guns. They took them with them when they kidnapped us."

Rick frowned. "Then we'll have to go back to where we were being held and get them, too."

"Should we split up and one group gets the guns while the other group gets the food?" Glenn asked.

"No." Rick said. "We need strength in numbers in case something happens again."

"Are we going to go to the hotel or the house first?" I asked.

"House." Rick said. "It's farther. We will hit the hotel on our way back."

Daryl stood up. "I'm ready." He was always ready for action. I took our bowls and washed them out and put them away. Everyone else stood and gathered by the cafeteria door. It was decided that the same group would go, since we were already familiar with the buildings. We walked out of the prison together and boarded our vehicles. The day was bright and already getting warm; the Georgia sun was nothing to mess with. I put my arms around Daryl's waist and settled back comfortably in my seat. I was definitely getting more comfortable riding on a motorcycle.

The ride to the house didn't take as long because we knew where we were going this time. We didn't see a lot of walkers out and about, and I hoped it would be that way when we went back to the hotel, too. We pulled up to the house and Daryl and I climbed off of his bike.

"Stay close to me." he said.

"Roger that." I said. He darted a look over at me and I winked. Rick, Glenn, Maggie, Merle and Carl got out of the SUV and we all stood around the front door of the house.

"I'll go in first." Rick said. "Keep your eyes peeled." Rick took his gun out and we formed a line. Daryl came in close behind Rick, and I followed Daryl. Rick pushed against the door with his gun, and it opened creakily. He stepped in, and Daryl and the rest of us followed. Rick and Daryl swept the place quickly. I looked down at the bodies on the floor. They were all still where we had left them, but they had begun stiffening already. Bile rose up in my throat but I pushed it back down. With all that I had seen and done, surely I could make myself handle a few dead bodies. Even if we were the cause of death.

Rick and Daryl gathered up the guns that they had taken from us. They divvied them up between us and we carried them out to the SUV, piling them onto each other in the back. Daryl was watching me closely, but he didn't say anything. He could always seem to sense when I was upset.

Rick slammed the trunk shut on the car. "I think that's all." he said. "We should get the food quickly and head back."

Daryl and I climbed back onto his bike. We drove over to the hotel next and parked in front. The ash pile from the walkers had grown as they had finally finished burning out. The wind from Daryl's bike blew some of the ashes around, and it swirled around us as we parked. Daryl and I climbed off, and again Daryl stopped me.

"Stay in my sight at all times." he said. "I'm not going to let anything happen again."

"Okay." I said. "Same goes for you." We went around back again in the same formation. Rick and Daryl spread out over the lobby level and checked it, Except for one walker, which Daryl took down, it was clear.

"We need to sweep the entire hotel." Rick said. "We can't be too safe this time, after what happened last time."

"Then we need to split up," Glenn said. "If we want to cover the entire hotel and get out quickly, too."

"Agreed.' Rick said. He divided us up into groups of two and divvied out the floors. Daryl and I would take the top. "Come with me, Carl." Rick said. He, Merle, and Carl went up to the second floor. Daryl and I took off for the staircase. Six flights later we were at the top.

"Check only the doors that are open." Daryl said. "We're not going to waste our time with locked rooms."

We headed down the hallway, sweeping each room while keeping an eye on each other's backs. All of the rooms were empty. When we finally got to the last one, Daryl held up a hand to stop me.

"I'm going to check this one alone. You stay here." He pointed to the hallway outside of the door. I buried a protest that was rising in my throat and pressed my lips together. I nodded. Daryl turned the door knob and swung open the door, leading into the room with his crossbow first. He checked the room quickly while I watched in the hallway. "Clear." he said. "Now we just wait for everybody else to catch up."

I stepped into the room. The food was as we had left it. Tom and his men hadn't taken any that I could see; perhaps they were planning on coming back for that later. Guns seemed more important than anything else to all of us sometimes. I sat down on the bed next to the cans and sighed. Daryl came over and looked down at me.

"I don't like being back here." I said. Daryl put his hand on my shoulder. I looked back up at him. He didn't even have to speak to make me feel better; he just knew I needed to know he was there.

"Clear." I heard Rick call out down the hallway. "You guys in there?"  
Daryl let go of me and stepped out of the room partway. "We're here." he said. "It's clear." He walked over to the side of the room and bent down to the floor.

The rest of our group trooped in, and I stood up. Maggie looked at all of the canned food in glee. We began stuffing our bags with as many cans as they could hold, and we decided to carry the rest in our arms. The way back down was slower since we all carried so much extra weight, but since we knew it was clear we took some extra time. One by one we left the hotel and loaded the SUV with our goods. We all couldn't help but smile a little. It felt good to know our group was taken care of, at least for a few more months. When we had piled everything into the SUV, Rick shut the door and everyone climbed in. I walked over to Daryl's bike and picked up my helmet.

"Got you something." Daryl said.

I paused in putting my helmet on, wondering what he could possibly have gotten me in the hotel. "What is it?" I asked.

He reached behind him and slid my machete out of his belt. He handed it to me proudly. "Thought you'd want that." he said, stifling a grin.

I took it happily. "Thank you!" I said. "Where was it?"

"In the room where you left it, kicked off to the side." he said. I sheathed it and threw my arms around his neck, giving him a big kiss on the lips. He shrugged. "No big deal."

"It is to me." I said. "I always appreciate the thoughtful things you do, Mr. Dixon. You better stop it or I might start thinking you're a big softie." I grinned, and he smiled back.

We got onto his motorcycle and headed back to the prison. I couldn't wait to see the look on everyone else's faces when we brought our loot back. When we arrived at the prison, Carol let us in and we parked. The rest of our group met us outside, and Rick threw open the back door to the SUV with a flourish, unable to keep himself from smiling. It was infectious, and we all followed suit. We practically whistled like the seven dwarves while we took the supplies into the prison. It was still relatively early in the day, so once everything was put away I left the prison and went outside. The sun was hot now, and it beat down on my skin. I turned around the corner and went to look at the garden; I wanted to assess the damage Rick had done and see what I needed to do to start fixing it.

The garden was a wreck. It looked like a tornado had touched down in only that one spot. Plants and vegetation were uprooted; the stakes that we had built were broken and scattered. Chicken wire was strewn about and the fencing was pushed over. I pulled on the gloves I had brought with me and went to the far side of the garden where we kept the wheelbarrow. I picked it up and wheeled it over to the front of the garden. I started picking up pieces of broken wood and piling them in the wheelbarrow; I could burn them later. I rolled up the chicken wire and set it to the side. I would see if someone could held me tack it back up once I got all of the plants back in the ground. I would definitely need help putting the fencing back upright, but most of the rest of it looked like things I could fix.

I picked up a towel I had brought with me and I spread it out over the ground nearest the edge of the garden. I knelt down on it and picked up a bundle of carrots. I took my trowel and started digging into the earth. When I had stirred up some fresh soil, I put the carrots back in the earth and shoveled the dirt back over it. I patted the dirt down and sat back on my heels. Maybe it was my imagination but I thought the carrots looked better already. Every bunch I put back in the earth made me feel a little better. I had so much work to do, but it was a start.

I worked until I finished the carrots, and then I stopped to take a break. A few hours had gone by and the sun was on its way down. I wiped my gloved hand across my sweaty forehead and pulled them off, tossing them to the side. I was filthy and felt gross, but I also felt good. I folded my legs underneath me and tilted my head back, looking up at the dusky sky. A few stars had poked their way through the darkening night, and they twinkled down at me. I could hear the walkers moaning against the fence in the distance, but if I tuned them out I could almost transport myself back to before. I thought of Matthew, but then Daryl's face floated into my mind, and I knew he was the one I really wanted to dream of. I spread the towel out and I settled onto it on my back, looking up at the sky as it turned dark. I watched the stars pop out one by one.

Eventually I heard footsteps, and I knew it was Daryl. When he got to me on the towel he leaned over into my vantage point. "You shouldn't be out here alone in the dark." he said.

"I'm not alone." I said. "You're here."

Daryl smirked down at me. "I am now. What's taking you so long out here?"

I sat up and gestured to the garden around me. "Have you seen this place?" I asked. "Tornado Rick hit it. Must've been an F4 at the least. I have a lot of work to do."

Daryl extended a hand out to me. "You can work on it more tomorrow. Come inside."

I put my hand in his and he helped me up. He turned to walk into the prison, but I tugged on his hand and he stopped. I pulled him to me by his vest and brought him down to me for a kiss. Even though Daryl was never going to be a natural romantic, there was something incredibly moving about kissing him under the stars, and we both felt it. After a few moments we parted, and he looked down at me, his eyes clouded. My lips stayed parted, and I gazed back at him, dizzy with emotions. He ran a finger down my cheek.

"You need a bath." he said.

I huffed indignantly and pushed him away from me. "Jerk!" I said, but then I laughed at the smile on his face. "Okay, fine. Let me get my things." I said, bending to pick up my trowel. Instead I fisted a pile of loose dirt and turned back around, swiping it across his cheek. "Look who's dirty now!"

Daryl narrowed his eyes. "You want to play that game, huh?" he growled. He reached down and scooped up some dirt. He grinned wickedly.

"No!" I cried, holding out my hands to him. "Don't!" It was too late. Daryl grabbed me around the waist and smeared it across my cheeks and forehead, and then he laughed, a very rare full-belly laugh. While he was laughing I grabbed his face and kissed him messily, smearing the dirt on my face on his. "Take that." I said when I pulled away.

He left his arms around my waist, and the smile vanished off of his face as he stared down into my eyes. "I don't know how I ever lived without you."

It was a sentiment I often thought myself, and it made me feel so good to hear it from him. I reached up and smoothed the hair out of his eyes. "Me too." I said. "I just pray we never have to find out again."

We walked back into the prison hand in hand.


	22. Chapter 22

A few weeks went by before Daryl and I had to start making our runs again. For one, we weren't keen on being in danger again so soon, but Judith needed diapers and food, so we talked it out with the group and decided to start going out again. We decided to try going the opposite way, away from the town with the hotel. We rose early one morning and grabbed breakfast before heading out. The sun was high in the sky when Daryl and I took off, Carl closing the gate behind us. A few clouds peppered the sky, but it was mostly blue horizon all around us. I lifted my face up to it as Daryl drove, enjoying the warmth on my skin. I had been working in the garden a lot, but it was still nice to be on the open road. Relatively open, anyway, when we dodged the broken down cars. Daryl weaved his way through them slowly, revving the engine when we got to some empty stretches. I saw a few scattered walkers through the trees, but none that were close enough to be a threat.

We drove for quite some time before we saw anything worth stopping for. We came upon what would have been a more populated area, and I saw signs for gas stations and restaurants, plus a few businesses. All were desolate, of course, but maybe there was something here we could take back with us. Daryl took the exit into the small city, and we drove down the ramp I noticed a tall blue sign with yellow lettering. I tapped on Daryl's shoulder to get his attention and pointed at it. It was a Wal-Mart. Daryl nodded and pointed his bike in its direction. I looked around but didn't see many walkers; certainly nothing like the hoard that had surrounded us at the hotel. There were a few scattered ones that we could take down easily together. If the Wal-Mart still had stuff in it, the benefit would greatly outweigh the risk. Daryl pulled up to the parking lot and drove down towards the doors. Cars were burnt out and abandoned in the parking lot. We stopped at the doors and Daryl switched off the bike. We both got off and walked to the doors.

"Let's sweep it before we grab anything." Daryl said. "Stay close behind me." He lifted his crossbow and aimed it ahead of him. I slid my machete out. Daryl pried open the sliding doors and we slipped in. Since the day was so bright outside we didn't need a lot of light, but it was darker towards the back of the store. I pulled out my flashlight and stuck it in my back pocket. Daryl let the doors slide shut and we headed into the store, eyes open for walkers. I gazed around the store. Most of the items were on the floor; it obviously had been picked over before we were here. I just hoped most people weren't looking for baby stuff. Daryl and I went down the aisles one by one. We came upon a walker the fourth aisle down, and Daryl took it out with his crossbow. He stepped on the walker and leaned over to pull out his arrow. While he was doing that, I heard another walker come shuffling up behind us. It must have heard the noise. I walked toward it and lifted my machete, driving the point through its eye socket. It dropped, and I yanked out my machete. Daryl and I resumed our search. We didn't see any more walkers in the whole place, so we headed back to the baby section of the store. I had only glimpsed over it as we passed, but I knew there was a good amount of stuff there. I dropped my backpack on the ground and opened it wide. Daryl kept watch while I stuffed diapers and baby food into my bag. I squeezed in all that I could, and then I walked over to the clothing section, despite knowing how it would make me feel. I looked at all of the tiny outfits, and my heart beat painfully in my chest. I skimmed through the little clothes until I picked one I liked for Judith. It was a t-shirt and pants set with tiny popsicles on a pink background. I plucked it off of the rack and held it up, fingering the little t-shirt. I put my hands under each arm and lifted it up, imagining what it would feel like to have a baby that tiny filling out the outfit. Tears rose unbidden behind my eyes, and I blinked furiously to get rid of them. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and Daryl turned me around. He had set his crossbow on the ground and he reached out to pull me to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, and his comforting touch loosened the pain in my chest. I closed my eyes and absorbed the way his arms around me made me feel, and my tears subsided. I took a few deep breaths and stepped out of his arms.

"Thank you." I said, unable to look him in the eyes. I was ashamed for being weak, but if it bothered Daryl, he didn't show it. He nodded. I knelt and stuffed the tiny outfit into my bag and zipped it shut. I swung my backpack onto my shoulders and stood up. "I think we should check out the pharmacy." I said. "Maybe it's not too picked over." Daryl eyed me for a moment and then picked up his crossbow. I stepped around him and headed towards the pharmacy. I was sure my cheeks were reddened. Daryl was so strong, and I didn't like showing weakness in front of him. He was already overprotective, and I didn't want to give him any more reason to be more so. I sheathed my machete angrily and turned the corner for the pharmacy. I stood on the outside of the open window where people would have picked up prescriptions. I clicked on my flashlight and scanned the shelves, looking for things we needed. I slid my backpack off of my shoulders and tossed it onto the counter. I gripped the counter to hoist myself over when I felt Daryl's hands on my waist. He turned me back around to face him, but I couldn't look in his eyes. My face burned.

He put his hand up my chin and tilted my head up to look into his eyes. "We're in this together." he said. He brought his face down to mine and kissed me, tenderly. I pushed down a new wave of tears and closed myself off. I blocked out everything except the feeling of Daryl's mouth on mine. He clutched me to him tightly, and my body responded automatically. His hands were in my hair, and then sliding down my back, finally coming to rest around my waist. I kissed him back, my mouth moving fiercely against his. He grasped my hips and lifted me onto the counter. He pushed my legs apart and stood in between them, pulling me close to him by sliding me towards him on the counter. Our mouths were fused together as one. I reached for the buttons on his shirt and undid them one by one, pushing both the shirt and his vest aside. I ached to feel his skin on mine. When I was done with his shirt he reached for mine and undid it, pushing it down my shoulders. I pressed myself against his chest, moaning inwardly when our skin touched. Our lips and our tongues melded together as we kissed. When I reached down for his belt buckle he grabbed my hand, stopping me. He wrenched his mouth from mine.

"Wait." he said, his voice deep with desire. "Not up here." He grasped my hand and helped me down from the counter. He led me around the store to what must have been the college dorm department. On the floor against the aisle was a futon. Daryl let go of my hand and bent over to the futon, pulling it out from its seated position to lie flat. I stood watching him, my shirt draped down around my forearms. I shrugged it back up while he arranged the futon. He held up a finger and ran down to another aisle, his own shirt flapping as he went. He came back with a giant comforter in a plastic bag. He unzipped it and opened the bag, pulling out the comforter. He kicked the bag aside and shook the comforter out over the bed. He held it up and gestured for me to climb in. I smiled at the thoughtfulness and climbed onto the futon, slipping underneath the comforter. I kicked my shoes and socks off and tossed them to the side. Daryl did the same, climbing in with me. He pulled the comforter back up over us as he climbed on top of me, his legs on either side of mine. I reached up to him and pushed his shirt and vest all of the way off. He lifted me up and slipped my shirt off, my bra following quickly. He settled himself over me and we kissed again, our skin hot underneath the covers. He broke away from me and trailed kisses down my neck and onto my chest. His lips were warm and all of a sudden I had trouble breathing. The love I felt for him was threatening to choke me. The only time I ever forgot the world was when I was in Daryl's arms, and I wanted to forget so badly right now.

When we were finished a while later, we caught our breath and didn't speak until we had come down a little. My flesh was still trembling, and Daryl ran his hand down my arm soothingly. I pulled the comforter back and breathed in the fresh air deeply. My heart was still racing.

"Wow." I said. He laughed then, one of the few times I had heard him do it.

"Agreed." he said, and then he sighed. "I want to stay here forever."

My heart warmed. "Me too." I said.

He sat up, propping his face on his elbow on the outside of my arm. He looked down at me, his hair falling into his eyes, and every trace of humor on his face had disappeared. "I want to marry you."

My heart did a hop, skip, and a jump in my chest all at once. I knew he had brought it up before, but I hadn't let myself think anything about it. I could see in his eyes how deadly serious he was this time, though. "H-how?" I asked, dumbly.

He shrugged. "Maggie and Glenn did it. We'll ask them."

I sat up, too, forcing him to rise. I clutched the comforter to my chest; I needed to feel something, anything physical in my hands to keep me down here on this earth, because what he was saying made me want to fly. "Are you sure?" It was the only thing I could think to say.

He took my face in his hands and kissed me, gently. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and it was so tender and sweet that tears rose in my eyes again. It seemed like all I could do is cry in this stupid Wal-Mart. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life." he said.

I smiled, and the tears slid out of my eyes and down my cheeks onto Daryl's hands. "Then my answer is yes." I said.

He wiped away my tears and covered my face in kisses. It was such an un-Daryl thing to do that it made me laugh, and my tears dissolved. He crushed me against his chest and I wrapped my arms around him, inhaling him in. We stayed like that for a long while, not speaking, just breathing together.

Finally we decided to head back to the prison, even though neither of us wanted to. We dressed and picked up our bags. Daryl slung his crossbow over his back and I followed him out of the store, into the daylight. I picked up my helmet and put it on. "At least we know where this is so we can come back for some more supplies." I said.

"Yeah." Daryl said, nodding. "We can take the SUV next time and get more." He started the bike up and we headed back to the prison. My head was swimming happily with thoughts of the past few hours. I couldn't believe Daryl wanted to marry me. Me! I wondered if we would have a tiny ceremony, and maybe Rick would be there, and Glenn and Maggie. I certainly wouldn't have a dress, but maybe I could pick some flowers in the grass outside of the fence.

The ride back was over quickly, and I realized I didn't even see much of it, because my head was most definitely in the clouds. The prison came into sight, and Daryl pulled up to the gate. He stopped the bike and braced his legs on either side of the road. I pulled off my helmet and sat up straight; we had both noticed it at the same time.

"No one is at the gate." Daryl said. "Where is everybody?" Daryl got off of the bike and I scooted forward, holding it up. He swung his crossbow in front of him and walked closer to the gate. "It's still locked." he said. "Someone should be here, though." He frowned and turned back to me. "I don't like this."

"How do we get in?" I asked. "We can't just sit out here and wait." I looked behind me, and a few walker stragglers had started making their way over to us already.

"The only way I know how." Daryl reached behind him and pulled out his handgun. He shot the lock once, and then twice. "Open the gate while I drive the bike in, and then run as fast as you can into the prison. The noise is already attracting more."

I looked behind me, and sure enough more walkers were emerging from the trees. Daryl came back and hopped onto his bike, and I ran over to the fence, pulling it open. He drove the bike in, and I shut the gate. Even though the lock was now useless, I grabbed the chain and wound it through the holes in the fence. At least that would help a little until we could get another lock. Daryl shut the bike off, and that's when we finally heard the gunshots. They sounded like they were coming from the back, where the common area was.

We didn't have time to think. "Come on!" Daryl yelled. We took off for the prison, banging through the main door. The prison was empty as we tore through it. When we reached the common area we burst through the door and I skidded to a stop. The common area was full of walkers, and our people were battling them as best as they could. Daryl and I leapt into the fray immediately. Instinct took over any fear that I may have had, and I became a machine, stabbing and slashing like my life depended on it. It did, of course. When my arm became tired from swinging my machete, I pulled out my handgun and shot the walkers one by one. Down they went, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't worried about noise at this point; I was just worried about surviving. When my gun was spent I tossed it aside, going back to my machete. I noticed Carl had two walkers approaching him from behind, and I pushed one away while I stabbed the other through the back of its rotting head. The other one swung in my direction when it righted itself, and I used its momentum to impale itself on my machete. I glanced over frantically at the others, trying to see if anyone needed desperate help. Carol had a walker staggering up behind her, and I swung my machete in a wide arc and took its head off. Rick had long since used up his ammo and was stabbing walkers, along with Maggie and Glenn. Michonne was handling herself fine, and even Beth had a pile of walkers around her. Hershel was perched on top of a staircase, firing down at the walkers with a rifle. Daryl was reloading his crossbow. The only one I didn't see was Merle, but just as I thought that cold fingers grasped my shoulder and yanked me backwards. I spun around and stuck my machete in the walker's neck. I yanked it through the broken skin until I hit bone, and then I pulled it out. The walker fell over, and when it hit the ground I kicked its head the rest of the way off. I turned back around, and noticed that our group had finally taken the edge against the walkers. Rick, Daryl, and Glenn disposed of the last few, and finally I dropped my machete down to my side. I was filthy; I was covered from head to toe in walker guts and blood, just like the rest of the group. I bent over and rested my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. Adrenaline was buzzing so loud in my ears I could hardly hear anything. Daryl stepped over the walkers and ran up to me.

"You okay?" he asked, looking me over.

I nodded. "You?"

"Yeah." he said. He looked around at the group, squinting. "Where's Merle?"

Rick wiped his hand across his eyes. "He came out here with us."

Daryl scrunched up his face. "I'm going to look for him." Without another glance at me he took off for the side of the prison, his crossbow in the air.

I looked over at Rick. "What happened?" I asked.

He shook his head. "The gate was opened somehow."

"By one of us?" Glenn asked, and the group was silent in answer. For no particular reason I thought of my backpack. I wondered where I had tossed it.

Suddenly I heard a keening, animalistic sound tear through the now silent air. We all turned as one towards it. The pain in the cry raised the hairs on my arms. Daryl. I took off without thought, desperate to get to him. Panic flooded my vision. I tripped and stumbled over the dead walkers, stepping on them and slipping in my haste. I flew around the corner from the common area and saw Daryl kneeling on the ground, bent over a body. His knife was raised in his hand, and he brought it down again, and again, and again. Blood spurted out around him and he screamed horribly each time he brought down the knife. I looked down at the body, and I knew who it was even before I saw the prosthetic on the end of his arm. I heard the rest of the group come up behind me, but they froze at the sight.

Merle's skin was mottled and veiny, and it was obvious he had turned. I couldn't see where he was bitten, and it didn't matter anyway. I couldn't move; it was as if some unseen force had rooted me to the spot. I watched as the person I loved most in the world fell apart in front of my eyes. Daryl eventually lost his steam and stopped stabbing, dropping the knife to the side of Merle's body. He bent double, loud sobs wrenching themselves from his body. His crossbow was tossed aside, forgotten. Finally I dropped my machete to the grass and walked over to him numbly. I knelt down in the pool that Merle's blood was making as it streamed out from his body, and I wrapped my arms around Daryl. He threw himself into my arms, burying his face in my neck as he cried. His entire body shook, and the agony in his sobs ripped my soul in two. Tears spilled out of my eyes and streamed down my face, falling into his hair.

Daryl didn't let me hold him for long; he seemed to be struggling to compose himself. After a few minutes he pushed off of me, wiping angrily at his face. He smeared Merle's blood across his cheeks. When I reached for him again he reeled back away from my hands. "No." he growled. He stood up and backed away. His eyes looked wildly around him until he saw what he was looking for, and he snatched up his crossbow.

"Daryl." I said. He ignored me and swept past me, pushing his way through the group, who parted to let him. I stood up to follow him, but Rick grasped my arm and pulled me back.

"Let him go." he said, softly. "Let him be alone."

I stood and watched as Daryl walked away. The wings on his vest were the last thing I saw before he vanished around the corner.


	23. Chapter 23

"We have to bury him." Rick said. I turned back around to him, not really seeing him or anyone else. Daryl's grief felt like my own; I wanted nothing more than to take away his pain and bottle it up inside myself. I felt like a walker; numb and stumbling and empty. I walked back to where I had dropped my machete and I picked it up, sliding it into its pouch. The rest of the group moved towards Merle's body, but I walked away from it. I looked over the courtyard; walker bodies were everywhere. Blood and guts and brains were splattered all over the concrete. I stopped in the middle of the bodies and held out my hands, palms up. Blood was smeared all over my skin and in between my fingers. My clothes were soaked with it; my pants were covered in Merle's blood where I had knelt in it. I could feel it sticking to my skin. Suddenly I had to get it off of me. I slipped on the walker bits in my hurry to get out of there, and I took off for the prison door. I banged my way inside, running frantically down the hallways towards the bathroom. We kept a large empty tub in the bathroom, along with several jugs of water to wash with. I shoved open the bathroom door and threw myself towards the jugs. My hands shook as I pried the tops off, emptying each jug into the tub. I knew I was being selfish with the water, but I didn't care. I poured in jug after jug, shaking them to make the water come out faster. When I was done I peeled off all of my clothes and jumped into the tub. I grabbed a washrag off of the counter and began to scrub frantically at my skin, rubbing at the stains. I could feel hysteria bubbling up over my consciousness, and I fought it back down as best I could. Thoughts of Matthew, and Daryl, and Merle flew around in my head, colliding into each other. Panic squeezed my chest as I scrubbed, harder and harder until my skin was pink and raw. I rubbed every inch of myself until finally I felt satisfied, and then I climbed out of the tub. I left it where it was; I plucked a fresh towel off of the counter and wrapped it around my body. I tucked the ends under and scooped up my filthy clothes. I looked back at the tub and stared at the dirty water; I imagined that all of my pain was left behind in it, and I turned away from it. I pushed open the bathroom door and peeked around it; no one was around. I assumed they were outside still cleaning up, and for that I was grateful. I didn't want to see anyone.

I padded my way silently down to Daryl's cell. I knew he wouldn't be there, but I wanted to be in his presence the only way I could until he returned. I ducked underneath the sheet and dropped my dirty clothes at the front of the cell. I wiggled out of my towel and tossed it aside. I went over to Daryl's shelf and rifled through his clothes. I found a shirt of his that I liked and I pulled it over my head, letting it flow down to my thighs. It was one of the ones that still had the arms, and I rolled the cuffs up over my hands. I held them up to my nose and breathed in. His scent instantly calmed the panicked thoughts in my mind, and I relaxed a little, the knot in my chest loosening. I turned towards the bunk and pulled back the covers, slipping underneath the sheets. I burrowed deep under the blankets and began to wait for him to come back to me.

I must have fallen asleep eventually, because I woke the next morning to someone softly calling my name. I didn't feel as if I had slept, and I only remembered nightmares. I opened my eyes and blinked against the light that streamed into the cell. Rick was standing at the entrance, holding the sheet aside.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I nodded and sat up, immediately looking for Daryl. He wasn't in the cell. "Daryl?" I asked Rick.

He shook his head and sat down on a chair across from me. He held out a mug of coffee to me and I took it, wrapping myself around it to try and absorb the warmth. "He's still….wherever he is." Rick said. He frowned and studied me. "Are you okay?"

I took a sip of the coffee and avoided looking back at him. "As well as can be expected, knowing he's out there and in pain and there's nothing I can do about it." I said. My heart wrenched.

"Daryl's strong." Rick said. "He'll come back."

It wasn't him not coming back that I was afraid of; I believed him when he said he'd never leave me again. It was his grief that I was afraid of. Grief made people do irrational things. I knew that better than anyone. "Have you…buried him yet?" I stumbled over the words and had to swallow hard to get them out.

"No." Rick said. "We wanted to wait for you two."

"So he's just…out there?" I shuddered. It didn't seem right, even if Merle was the way he was.

"No." Rick said again. "We wrapped him up and they're out there digging a hole right now. We just wanted to see if you guys wanted to say anything, or…" he trailed off.

I sighed. "That's assuming Daryl comes back soon."

Rick didn't say anything, and that made me feel worse. I wanted him to lie to me and say that Daryl was fine and on his way back now, but I knew he wouldn't make a promise he couldn't keep. I took another sip of my coffee. It burned my tongue, but I didn't care. It was nice to feel something. Rick didn't speak again while I finished the coffee, and when I was done he took it from me and set it aside. He came over and sat next to me on the bunk. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you need to talk?"

The kindness in his voice made tears rise in my eyes again. I shook my head, but as the tears began to fall he reached over and pulled me into his arms. I cried until I felt that no more tears could come, and Rick never moved. He was strong and silent, and I was so grateful to have such a friend. When I was done I leaned back and wiped my face with the back of my hands.

"Sorry." I gulped. I had left a big wet stain on his shirt.

He shrugged. "We are all worried about you. Both."

I looked down at my hand, at the ring that Daryl had given me to let me know he would never leave me again. The point of the arrow was on the top, and it pointed inwards, towards my heart. "He asked me to marry him." I brought my eyes back up to Rick's.

"Daryl?" Rick said incredulously, and I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Yes." I said. "Well, indirectly, I guess. He said he wanted to get married. I don't quite recall him asking me."

Rick didn't quite look in my eyes. "That sounds more like him." He squeezed my hand. "Congratulations."

I felt a little guilty at the look on Rick's face; I knew he was thinking of Lori. I put my hand on top of his and squeezed back. I leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. These people meant so much to me, and it was all because of Rick that I was here. He chose to save me from the walkers that day, so long ago.

Rick stood and walked to the front of the cell. "You should come down and eat breakfast. Maggie's really worried about you."

I stood, too, stretching out my aching limbs. "Okay." I said. "I'll be down in a minute."

Maggie was indeed glad to see me, and she hugged me to her fiercely. She fussed over me and fixed my breakfast, watching me eat. I could only manage a few spoonfuls before I felt like I was going to retch. I pushed the bowl away and Maggie scooped it up quickly to go clean it out. I smiled gratefully at her. She wrapped her arm tightly around my shoulders and held onto me while Rick and everyone else planned on how to clean up the walker bodies strewn about the courtyard. They had patched the hole in the fence. I listened but I didn't hear; all I could think about was Daryl. I wanted so badly to hold him in my arms. His screams echoed in my ears and threatened to close over me. If it weren't for Maggie holding onto me I felt like I surely would have gone under. The rest of the group looked at me sympathetically, but I couldn't meet any of their gazes.

The worst part was not knowing the level of pain he was experiencing. I knew Daryl was strong and tough and independent, but I also knew how much he loved his brother. He had left with him, and even though he had come back, that showed how much influence his brother still had on him. Merle was a jerk, but Daryl must have been able to see something none of the rest of us could. And to me, that meant he saw something good in Merle.

We made our way to the courtyard, and even though Rick and Maggie tried to stop me from helping, I waved them off. I studiously avoided the area where Merle died, but I helped the group drag bodies away to where we were going to burn them. The day was hot and the sun shone bright down on us while we worked. Sweat dripped down my skin and into my eyes. I didn't speak to anyone as I worked; instead I let the work take over my body, just as I would have if I was working in the garden.

It took several hours, but finally we had the bodies cleared out of the courtyard. Rick took an extra gas can out of our stash and poured the gasoline over the bodies. He lit a match and tossed it in. The bodies went up in flame instantly, and we stood away from the fire as a group, watching the smoke drift up into the sky. I stood next to Maggie, who had her arm wrapped around my waist. She was holding hands with Glenn, and I could see her ring reflecting off of the fire. The sun was sinking down low in the sky, and stars were twinkling down above us.

"I'm tired." I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. "I'm going to bed." I reached over and squeezed her free hand. "Thank you."

She nodded and studied me in the light from the fire. "He'll come back."

I swallowed hard and let go of her hand, slipping away from the group. I went to the bathroom again to wash up, and I noticed that someone had taken care of the mess I had made. I made a mental note to thank whoever had done that, and I cleaned up, washing away the day's work. I went back to Daryl's cell and slid inside. The prison was quiet, as everyone else was still outside. I set my machete on the chair and lifted Daryl's shirt off of the bed where I had changed out of it. I slipped it back on and climbed under the covers. I knew I wouldn't sleep good until he came back, but I hoped that the sooner that I fell asleep the sooner that he would be back.

It wasn't to be.


	24. Chapter 24

I tossed and turned all night, and finally when the sun peeked through the sheet of the cell I decided to call it quits. I kicked off the covers, suddenly feeling smothered by them. I got up and drew the curtain to the cell aside. I stood at the door and looked out at the window directly across from the cell. It looked like another hot day, with a blue sky and little clouds. Maybe I could try to work in the garden again, although I doubted it would keep me distracted for long, and plus I didn't feel like seeing anyone else. I pulled Daryl's shirt tighter around me and leaned against the cell. I was so tired, yet I couldn't sleep. Rest would not come until he was back in my arms.

I stood in his cell and listened to the sounds of everyone else going down to breakfast. I wasn't hungry. After a while I heard people leaving and entering the prison, going about their daily chores. I wondered idly where they had put Merle. When I hadn't heard anything in some time, I finally changed out of Daryl's shirt and back into my clothes. I strapped on my machete and left the cell. No one was in the front of the prison, and I slipped out of the front door silently. I stood outside it and peered up at the guard tower. No one was there, for which I was thankful. I crouched down low and stole over to it quietly. I opened the door and closed it behind me, locking it. It was the one place I knew I could go and not be bothered. I took the stairs to the top and stepped out into the sunshine. The sun beat down on my skin, and I welcomed its heat. I sat down against the wall and drew my legs up, resting my chin on my knees. There was a tiny breeze on the wind that lifted my hair every once in a while. I looked out at the trees and the fields, but I wasn't really seeing; behind my eyes was only Daryl, kneeling over his brother's body, wailing that terrible inhuman cry. I was so afraid that he was out there hurting himself. I hated feeling helpless. I hated not knowing where he was or that I couldn't help him. Daryl was tough on the outside but fragile on the inside, and I knew that this was tearing him in two, right this very minute. And here I was, far away from him. Not where I belonged. I wanted to rage and scream and cry, but I didn't have the energy to do any of that. Instead I sat and stared, the hollow feeling in my stomach eating away at my insides.

The sun rose in the sky and dipped back down again, and still I sat up in the watch tower. I watched the rest of the group going about their chores, but whenever I thought one might look up my way, I sunk back into the shadows. Maggie probably knew where I was, but if she did she didn't bother me. I needn't have locked the door, as no one approached the guard tower. When night finally fell over the prison I stood up, stretching out my sore legs. I walked over to the railing and looked down into the yard and beyond. All was silent, except for the walkers who constantly prowled around the fence. Steam and smoke still rose from our pile of walkers that we had burned, and I watched it curl up towards the sky. I tilted my head up and looked back at the stars. It was strange to me how nature and its creatures still kept moving, even in the apocalypse. Even when your entire world crashed around your ears, time still kept moving, whether you wanted it to or not. We really were powerless against everything.

I sighed and pushed myself off of the railing. I walked over to the door and opened it, emerging into the stairwell. I took the stairs slowly down the tower and went out of the door when I reached the bottom. I kept my hand on my machete but I didn't see anything in the yard. I crossed over to the entrance of the prison and slipped inside. Things were quiet in the prison, so I went silently to Daryl's cell. I knew he wasn't there, but hope unfurled in my chest anyways, only to be dashed when I pulled aside the sheet to an empty cell. Anger rose up in its place when the hope disappeared. I hated hope, then. It was full of empty promises that made you feel even worse when they weren't fulfilled. I yanked the curtain back down and undressed, my heart heavy. I climbed into bed and prepared myself for another sleepless night. I stared up at the ceiling and blinked away the tears that always seemed to close to the surface when I thought of Daryl's pain, mirrored so strongly in mine. I felt as if Daryl was out there walking around with half of my soul. I didn't think I could ever be whole without him again, for as long as I lived. And that terrified me.

I must have eventually drifted off, because I woke in the middle of the night with a start. I sat up straight in the bunk, the air feeling different around me, and framed in the moonlight of the cell was Daryl. He was standing in the doorway, and he was looking down at me. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I whispered his name into the dark, and he came back to me.

He was in my arms again, and I hugged him so tightly to me that I never wanted to let him go. He picked me up and put me in his lap, and I wrapped my body around his. We held each other in silence for a long time. I felt his heart beat against my chest, and I drew comfort from it. I ran my fingers through his hair and pressed his cheek up against mine. I just wanted to feel him against me; to memorize every line and contour of his body so I could keep it with me always, even when he wasn't there.

"I'm sorry." Daryl whispered.

I shook my head. "Don't."

He ran his hand down my arm and squeezed my fingers. "I promised you I wouldn't leave you again."

I turned my face and pressed my lips to his softly. "You came back." I said. "I knew you would. I waited for you."

He slid his fingers into my hair and brought me to him, kissing me again. I felt him craving strength from me, so I gave it to him. His breathing became ragged and he pressed his face into my neck again when we broke apart. "You're the only thing I have in this entire world now." he whispered, his voice breaking.

My heart splintered at the pain in his voice. I stroked his hair and held him tightly to me. "Don't say that." I said. "We're all in this together."

Daryl shook his head. "The only one who loved Merle was me. Everybody else hated him. I have no one anymore but you."

I released him from my arms and leaned back, holding onto his shoulders with my hands. His eyes were puffy and red, and he looked terrible. His hair fell in messy chunks over his forehead, and his clothes were even dirtier and more ripped than usual. I had no idea how much he had slept since he had been gone, but I imagined it had been even less than me, if any at all. "Don't." I said, looking sternly into his eyes. "Don't close yourself off. We all go through bad things. People we love die, but it's a part of life. We can't let it change us for the worse. Merle was proud of you, and he wouldn't have wanted you to be like him. So don't. Be like Daryl, the man I fell in love with. The man I want to marry. Everyone here loves you. We're a family."

It was a poor choice of words, and I knew it as soon as I finished saying it. Daryl had just lost the last real member of his family, and no matter how much we all loved him and cared about him, his last living flesh and blood was gone. Daryl shook his head. "No." he said. "I don't have any family any more. Just you. You're my family; you're all I've got. You're all I need, but sometimes that scares me just as much, because I can't live without you. I don't want to need anyone anymore. All that you're left with is pain." I could hear in his voice that he was hardening himself again. He was trying to become the Daryl of before; the Daryl who didn't care. The only difference between then and now was him and me together. And because Daryl had saved me from myself, I wanted to do the same for him now. But I knew what he meant. It scared me to need him that much, too. The higher we climbed together the harder we would fall apart.

He blinked up at me through the hair that had fallen in his eyes. I wanted to reach over and move it out of the way, but I didn't want to break our gaze. Finally after a few moments of silence he looked away, tearing his eyes from mine. I felt like something had broken then; like I had lost him. I was afraid that I had failed him, just like everyone else in his life seemed to do.

Daryl stood up, letting go of me. "I need to get cleaned up." he said. He swept from the cell without another word, and I sat back against the bed, dismayed. I had felt that Daryl was right on the edge, and I had let him go over. I had no siblings, so I couldn't imagine his grief, but I felt it was somewhat elevated because it had been him and his brother for so long. Him and Merle, against the world. And then I came along, and I gave him hope, just like he gave to me. It was a rude awakening to realize how hellish the world could still be. I knew it when I had lost Matthew, but Daryl had brought me back from the edge. And now I wasn't able to do the same for him. I didn't know what to do. He had come back to me, but there was a part of him that was lost forever. And I had no idea how to start picking up the pieces that were left.


	25. Chapter 25

The morning came quickly. Daryl was dressed and sitting in the chair across from me when I woke. He had been watching me sleep, and the look in his eyes made my throat squeeze in on itself. They were empty. His crossbow sat on his lap pointing away from me, yet it was obviously a barrier between the two of us. I sat up and brushed my hair back out of my eyes.

"Hi." I said, softly. He inclined his head but didn't speak. His gaze was unwavering. It unnerved me, and I became self-conscious. I slid out underneath the covers and scooped up my clothes. Normally I had no problem dressing or undressing in front of Daryl, but I felt suddenly shy. "I, uh…" I gestured outside of the cell, indicating that I was going to wash up. Daryl didn't answer or even acknowledge that I had spoken. I turned from him and left the cell. Once I was on the outside I let go of the breath I didn't realize that I had been holding. Daryl's eyes were so cold and hard…I had never seen them like that before. He always looked at me with a tenderness he reserved only for me. The emptiness scared me, down to the very marrow of my bones. I was afraid he had left me and traveled to a place that I couldn't reach him, and I knew exactly what that left like. I had been there after Matthew, and before I had met him. Like I had told him: alive but not living.

I took my time washing up, dreading going back to our cell. After a while I had nothing left to wash, so I dressed and headed back. Daryl was standing on the outside of the cell, holding my machete in one hand and his crossbow in the other. He held my machete out to me, and I strapped it on. I looked back up at him when I was done.

"Go eat." Daryl said.

It was the first words he had spoken to me since last night. His tone was hard. "Are you coming?" I asked.

He looked beyond me and shook his head. "I'm going to go bury Merle."

I reached out to put my hand on his arm, but when he flinched I pulled it back. "You shouldn't." I said. "Not alone."

Daryl narrowed his eyes at me. "I want to do it alone." He took off down the hallway, swinging his crossbow over his back. "I don't need anyone's help."

The front door banged shut behind him, and his words echoed in my ears. I stood in the hallway, listening to the sounds of our group down in the cafeteria having breakfast. I didn't know if any of them even knew that Daryl was back, and I didn't have the energy at the moment to tell them. Instead I skirted the cafeteria and headed to the side of the prison facing the area where we had buried the others we had lost. I took the stairs to the second floor and positioned myself at a window looking down at the yard. And I waited, again, for Daryl. I knew already that Rick had put Merle's body among the other graves, but we had decided not to dig one yet until we got the okay from Daryl. I looked down at Merle's body wrapped in a big black tarp and I swallowed, hard. Daryl emerged after a few minutes with a shovel. I didn't know how he knew where Merle was; that, like most everything about Daryl, was an enigma. He walked over to a clear area and immediately began digging. He didn't look at Merle's body. He dug for a while and then stopped. He stuck the shovel in the ground and unzipped his vest, shrugging it off, leaving only his shirt behind. The way that it fell to the ground reminded me of our first time in the limo together. I raised my hand and put my fingers on the glass. I pressed my palm up against the window while he continued digging. He didn't look over at Merle's body until he was done, and then he picked it up and placed it in the grave, ever so gently. He grabbed the shovel and scooped up a pile of dirt. He hesitated when he brought the shovel back over the grave, and I could see that his hands were shaking. Finally he turned the shovel upside down, and the dirt fell into the hole. He shoveled all of the dirt back over Merle and patted it down when he was done. He tossed the shovel aside and kneeled down by his grave, putting his hand flat on the dirt. He was facing away from me, so I couldn't see the expression on his face, but he wasn't down for long. He stood again and grabbed the shovel and his vest, and then he walked away.

I looked at the gravesite for a few minutes before I stepped away from the window. My heart was heavy in my chest. The Daryl who walked away from the grave was more like the Daryl I had first met: stoic and no-nonsense; unfeeling, hard and cold. He wasn't like the Daryl who brought me coffee in the morning, or tucked my hair behind my ear, or told me how much he loved me. Daryl had changed so much since I met him. And while I would love him either way, and I would take anything I could get, I still wanted to hear him whisper his love for me in the dark.

I knew I had to face the group eventually, so I made my way downstairs and back out to the front of the prison. Most everyone was outside doing their chores, but there was one person in particular I was looking for, and I knew where he would be. I went through the front door and headed down the drive towards the gate, where Rick was pacing back and forth on watch.

He turned towards me when he heard me coming. He squinted at me, and I could tell he knew. "When did he come back?" he asked, when I had come up to him.

I wrapped my arms around myself. It wasn't cold out, but the cold inside me was seeping outwards. "Last night." I said. "He buried Merle already."

Rick sighed. "I saw."

"He wouldn't let me help him." I said, helpless.

"Daryl doesn't like people to think he's anything but tough." Rick replied. Like always, he hit the nail on the head. His astuteness was another reason I thought he was perfect to be our leader. He often saw the things that other people thought they buried so well.

I looked away from Rick's stare. I knew that the pain I was feeling was obvious on my face, but I couldn't handle the look of pity he was giving me. "I'm afraid I'm losing him." I said, so quietly I wasn't even sure he had heard me, until he walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Then don't let him." he said, simply. "Don't let him push you away. Fight for him."

I raised my eyes up to his. "It's not that easy." I said. "Daryl is so closed off sometimes."

Rick cocked his head to the side. "But he loves you. That gives him something worth living for. And you're something worth fighting for."

As I looked back at Rick, Lori's face floated into my mind, and my cheeks burned. I felt guilty for bringing my problem to Rick, when he had lost his wife. I was worried about Daryl being cold to me; Rick had to wake up every day without his partner. I bit my lip. "I'm sorry, Rick." I said. "I'm sure you've got other things on your mind."

He squeezed my shoulder and brought me into him for a hug. "I told you, we're friends." he said. "That's what we do. We listen, and we try to help." I smiled against his chest; it was the first smile I could remember in days.

"Thank you." I said. "Always." I stood back from Rick and turned to head back into the prison. I took a step before I noticed Daryl, standing outside the prison door. He was looking at Rick and me with narrowed eyes, his head tilted to the side in confusion. He was holding his crossbow in one hand and my motorcycle helmet in the other. Had he been coming to ask me to go for a ride?

Daryl turned around and pushed back through the door, slamming it hard behind him. The look of betrayal on his face was blatant, and it carved through me like lightning. Did he think something was going on between Rick and me? I didn't ruminate on it; I took off for the prison after him. I ran through the front door and down to our cell, calling out Daryl's name. I came to a stop when I reached the cell door. He was sitting on the bunk, his hands on his knees, propping up his head.

"Daryl." I said. I was out of breath from running, or panic, I didn't know. "Don't-Rick-we aren't-"

Daryl held up a hand, and I stopped babbling. He looked over at me, and the pain in his eyes almost brought me to my knees. "You deserve better." he said. His voice shook with the words.

"What?" I asked.

He wrenched his eyes from mine and stared back at the floor. "You deserve better than me."

If my heart wasn't broken before, his words shattered what was left of it. I stepped into the cell and walked over to him, but he cringed away from me and scooted further into the bunk. The look in his eyes was fear, and anguish, and defeat, and all of the things I never wanted him to feel ever again as long as I was around.

"Daryl." I said, crouching down in front of him. I unbelted my machete and put it to the side. "I don't want anyone but you."

He wouldn't look at me. "I see the way you two are. I'm not stupid."

"The way we are?" Panic rose again in my limbs, ever so familiar. "What are you talking about?"

Daryl stared at the ground. "The way he comforts you. You didn't think I noticed?"

I cast my mind quickly over all of the times Rick and I had helped each other through rough times; but most of mine had concerned Daryl when he wasn't around. "I don't understand."

Daryl lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "Whenever I'm not here you run to him. He's better for you than me. I get it."

Anger started to creep into my veins unbidden. "Rick and I are friends, Daryl." I said. "That's it. I'm with you."

"Except when I'm not here." he replied. "And then you're with him."

"I am not!" I snapped. "Where is this coming from?"

Daryl shrugged again, and didn't speak. I felt myself getting angrier, and I tried to temper it down. Daryl was going through a rough time and I needed to be understanding, even if he was making me furious.

"Daryl." I said. "I'm not into Rick that way and he isn't into me. We are friends, that's all. I told you I would marry you. If that doesn't prove how much I care for you, then I don't know what else to do. I thought you knew how much I loved you."

Daryl's face contracted in pain as if he were about to cry, but no tears came. He stared at the wall at a point over my shoulder. "We were having sex when Merle was in trouble." he said softly. "I was away from him when he needed me most." He dragged his eyes over to mine with an effort, and they were lifeless. "Were you thinking of Rick when you were with me then, while my brother was in pain?'

I slapped him hard across the face before I knew it. My palm stung as I brought it back down in horror. Daryl launched himself off of the bed and grabbed me by the shoulders, lifting me up bodily. He backed me against the opposite wall of the cell and shoved me against it, hard.

"Don't ever hit me again." His voice was low and threatening, and every hair on my arms stood up on end. He squeezed my upper arms hard, and finally when I let out a tiny squeak of pain, he stopped. He looked down at me and I watched as realization dawned on him to what he was doing. His cheek was reddened where I had struck him, and I wanted to put my palm up to it, do anything to take away the pain that I had caused. He let go of me, turned, and swept from the cell.

I brought my hands to my mouth as a loud sob escaped from my throat. I slid down the wall and to the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest. The Daryl that had looked at me after I hit him was a Daryl I never wanted to see again. I hugged my legs to me and let the tears flow silently down my cheeks. I felt like my heart was breaking in my chest, and it seemed like it never stayed whole. Daryl and I constantly hurt each other, and for the first time since I had met him, I wondered if two truly damaged people could ever be happy together.

After I had cried myself out of tears, I pushed myself to my feet and grabbed my backpack. I didn't know if Daryl was going to come back, but I knew I couldn't stay in this cell. I unzipped my bag and stuffed clothes and my books into it. I strapped my machete around my waist and picked up a lantern. I slipped underneath the sheet and turned around, looking back at his cell, at his things. His vest with the wings was draped over the back of a chair. I wrenched my eyes from it and left the cell.

I went deeper into the prison, looking for a cell far away from anyone else. I would have to tell Rick where I was going, but I didn't want to now. I just wanted out. I switched on my lantern and picked out a cell farthest from the main part of the prison that I could get. I kept my free hand on my machete, but I didn't think I would run into any stray walkers; I wasn't going that far in. I walked in, setting my lantern on the bunk. I closed the cell door behind me, leaving a crack open, as I didn't have a key and I wasn't sure it wouldn't lock behind me. I shrugged out of my backpack and sat down on the bed.

My insides felt empty. Suddenly I was very, very tired, and I let myself sink into the bunk. I just barely managed to shut off the lantern before I fell asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

A warm hand was put on my shoulder, and I woke with a start. "Daryl." I said automatically, my voice creaky.

"No." The voice said. "It's me, Rick. What are you doing here?"

I rubbed at my eyes and sat up. Rick came into focus, and I frowned. "How did you find me?" I asked.

Rick looked at me in concern. "Daryl said you came up here."

That meant he was watching me, or had been. That also meant he hadn't told Rick anything. And he was still here. "You shouldn't be here." I said suddenly.

Rick furrowed his brow. "What?"

"You shouldn't be in here with me." I said. "Daryl…" I trailed off, unable to finish.

"What about him?" Rick asked. He narrowed his eyes at me.

I couldn't look at Rick. I felt a flush rise up in my cheeks. "He, uh, thinks we..." I gestured to him and then me. "That we're a thing."

"Why does he think that?" Rick asked.

Memories flooded into my head of last night. I remembered hitting him, and the look on his face. I shrugged miserably.

"I'll go talk to him." Rick said, standing up. "I'll tell him the truth."

I grabbed at his hand as he turned. "No!" I said. I pulled him back. "I don't want him to know I told you."

Rick frowned at me this time. He was quiet a moment before he spoke. "I think you two have a lot of talking you need to do."

I let go of his hand and leaned my head against the wall. "You think I don't know that?" I said. "It seems like we're always running away from each other."

Rick shrugged. "Then stop running. He turned and left the cell.

If only it were that easy, I thought. I stood up and stretched, working out my sore limbs. Every time my heart hurt it seemed like the rest of my body went along with it. I left my backpack where it was but I put my machete back on. I left the cell and went down to wash up. I took my time, hoping to avoid Daryl if he was down in the cafeteria eating breakfast. I wanted to see him, but I didn't, too. The look in his eyes after I hit him haunted me, and I knew it would hurt all over again when I saw him. I should have asked Rick if he had already been down there and knew where Daryl was.

Reluctantly I made my way down to the cafeteria. I hesitated outside of the door, and finally screwed up the courage to push it open. I gazed over the room, and Daryl wasn't anywhere in it. I felt both a mixture of relief and disappointment. I wasn't hungry, so I sat down next to Maggie. She looked over at me sympathetically.

I didn't know how much she knew, but I told her all of it anyway. She listened and held my hand while I talked. Glenn had been sitting next to her, but he gave us some privacy when he saw that I needed it.

Maggie patted my hand. "Daryl will come around." she said. "He just needs some time to get used to Merle's death."

"I know." I said. "It's just hard when he's so cold to me."

Maggie nodded. "Glenn and I went through a similar-" The cafeteria door opened then, and Daryl strolled in. I was sitting on the side of the table facing the door, and I guess I had subconsciously chosen that seat so I could watch the door. I sat up straight in my chair, but Daryl didn't look my way. He made himself a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of coffee, and he went to sit down across the cafeteria, his back to me. His refusal to acknowledge me stung as much as I thought it would.

"Go talk to him." Maggie said quietly in my ear.

I shook my head. I couldn't make my legs move, nor did I want to. Daryl and I were closer than I had ever been with anyone in my life, but sometimes he still made me so uncertain.

"You can't ignore each other forever." Maggie said.

I looked at Daryl's back as he ate. I pictured the scars on his skin, and the scars hidden deeper within. All I ever wanted to do was fix him; but all I could ever seem to do was hurt him. "Maybe he just needs to be away from me for a while." I said.

"Why?" Maggie asked. "You're both hurting. You need each other."

"I don't think he looks at it that way." I replied. "He hates needing anybody. I understand that completely."

"Well you're both going to have to get over that if you want to be happy." Maggie said. I dragged my gaze away from Daryl and looked at her. "Take it from someone who knows. It's okay to need people. We all do. There's nothing wrong with admitting that. You're not weak or stupid or naive. It's how we're built. We all need somebody."

I turned my eyes back to Daryl. It hurt to be so close to him yet unable to touch him or comfort him in any way. The last time we were apart I was angry; this time I was just sad. Daryl stood up and washed out his dishes. He left the cafeteria without looking behind him, and I sighed. I wondered what he planned to do for the day.

I told Maggie I was going to work on the garden and I stood up. I left the cafeteria and headed outside. It wasn't warm outside yet, but I knew it would be. The sky was overcast and gray, and it looked like rain. I hoped the rain would cool us off, as it got stuffy in the prison and sometimes I had a hard time sleeping. I wanted to work however much I could in the garden before I got rained out. I walked around to the side of the prison and pulled on my gloves. I knelt down on the dirt and got to work.

After a few minutes of digging I heard Daryl's motorcycle roar to life, and I stood up, going around the building to the front. Carl was letting Daryl out of the gates, and he zoomed down the road and out of sight. I bit my lip, hating that he was going out on a run without me. I knew he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but it made me feel better since we had formed our rhythm together. I watched Carl lock up the gates again, and I turned back around to the garden. I heaved a sigh and began to work again.

Hours passed before I let myself take a break. The sky had grown darker, and it looked like rain was about to fall. I had listened for Daryl but didn't see him, and I worried the entire time. I worried that he wasn't safe in the prison, and I worried that he would have to be driving back in potentially bad weather. I worried and I worried, and I wondered underneath it all, if he was thinking of me like I was thinking of him.

A tiny little voice in the back of mind told me he wasn't even concerning himself with me and that I was wasting my time. I picked up my trowel and threw it across the garden angrily. It bounced out of the dirt and landed with a clang onto the cement sidewalk. I hated that voice; I hated that part of me that didn't have faith in anyone. Sometimes I just wanted to hope. I sighed and stood up, going to retrieve my trowel. I picked it up and leaned against the wall of the prison. A few fat raindrops plunked down onto me. I slid down the wall and sat propped up against it as rain began to fall from the sky. I was dirty and hot from working in the garden, and the rain felt good. I closed my eyes as the sky opened down on me. My hair and my clothes stuck to my skin, but I just sat there, letting the water wash over me. I let everything go: the pain I knew Daryl was feeling, the pain I was feeling, the anxiety deep in my chest that never seemed to dissipate. I let the rain wash it away, at least for now.

"What are you doing out here?"

I opened my eyes, and Daryl was standing in front of me. He was soaked to the skin, just like I was. I blinked against the rain falling in my eyes. I shrugged.

"You'll get sick." he said.

I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't come out wrong, so I just gazed back at him. Raindrops caught in my eyelashes and stung my eyes.

"Did you tell anyone you were out here?" he asked.

"Maggie." I said. "How did you know where I was?"

He frowned down at me. "Because I know you."

His comment hurt me, for reasons I couldn't really explain. I pulled my eyes away from his and looked out at the garden. "Did you need something?"

"Just to know where you were." Daryl replied.

"Why?" I asked, and it came out bitter, because I was.

"Because I care about you?" he said, almost sarcastically but not quite.

"You have a funny way of showing it." I said. I couldn't help myself.

"So do you." Daryl snapped back.

My palm tingled, and my cheeks burned in response. He was right. I was the one who had struck him. I had hit a person who had an entire childhood filled with physical and mental abuse. What kind of scum was I?

I looked back up at Daryl through the rain. His hair was plastered to his forehead, and I wanted so badly to brush it out of his eyes, but I didn't dare touch him. Watching him, a wave of love for him crashed over me. "Why do we keep doing this to each other?" I asked him helplessly.

He looked back down at me, and it seemed like he was mulling the right response. "Bad things happen to the people I love." he finally said. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I couldn't….if you…I'm barely making it as it is."

He looked so vulnerable it made my heart ache. "The only bad thing that's happening to me is not being with you." I said. "I need you."

He sighed. "Look what happened to Merle."

I stood up. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I was afraid he would flinch away, and that would kill me. "Look at what's happening to us."

Daryl shook his head. "I don't want to need anyone."

"None of us do." I said. I remembered what Maggie had told me earlier. "We all need someone, though, Daryl. And that's okay. That's normal. But you're pushing me away. I love you more than anything on this earth. Don't make me live without you. That's not a life I want."

Daryl cocked his head to the side as he studied me. "I was right when I said I didn't deserve you."

It was my turn to shake my head. I reached out to him slowly, watching him to see if he wanted me to stop. When he didn't move, I put my hands gently on his chest. His clothes were sticking to his skin. "I don't deserve you." I said. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I murmured that over and over until finally he stopped my apologies with his lips on mine. Rain drifted down our faces, but neither one of us noticed. When we finally broke apart, Daryl took my face in his hands and looked down at me.

"Let's go inside." he said. He kissed my forehead and took my hand, leading me inside the prison. We made our way back to his cell, avoiding the rest of the group. We stepped out of our wet clothes and moved towards each other. The prison and everything around us seemed to disappear, and we lost ourselves in each other.

A while later Daryl and I were laying our backs, staring at the ceiling of the cell. "My stuff is in the other cell." I said. "I should probably go get it."

Daryl rolled over and buried his face in my neck. "No." he said. "Don't go. Stay with me." His lips brushed against my neck as he talked.

I ran my fingers through his hair and smiled to myself. "Okay." I agreed. "I'll stay."

Daryl kissed my neck, and then he pushed himself up onto his elbow and looked down at me. His eyes were full of sadness yet still they pulsed with love. "Marry me tomorrow." He ran the back of his hand down my cheek.

My heart swelled in my chest, but then it stalled. I wanted to marry him more than anything in the world, yet…we were so broken. It didn't seem right to get married before we at least tried to fix ourselves. I slid out of Daryl's grasp and sat up in the bed. I wrapped the blanket around me. "Daryl," I said. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

I turned to him to explain, and the pain in his eyes was palpable. "You don't want to marry me anymore?" he asked. "I know I screwed up, but-"

"No no no no." I cut him off. I scooted close to him on the bed and took his face in my hands. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. "I want to marry you more than anything I've ever wanted on this earth. I just think we need to take it slow. Fix our problems, and then we can make it permanent." Daryl squinted at me, as if he was trying to see if I was telling the truth. I leaned into him and kissed him. "I love you, Daryl Dixon." I said. "I can't wait to be Mrs. Dixon."

He smiled at that, and I smiled back. His grin was infectious, and it seemed like it had been years since I had seen it last. I kissed him again, just because he was mine and I wanted to. When we parted, I snuggled into his neck and breathed him in. He smelled like rainwater. I snaked my arms around his waist and held on for dear life.


	27. Chapter 27

He brought me coffee the next morning, and when I sat up and took the cup from his hands I noticed that he had moved my things back in his cell. I smiled into my mug as I brought it up to my lips. "Thanks for my stuff." I said.

Daryl shrugged. "I considered bolting it all down."

I laughed. He looked back at me ruefully and lifted a corner of his mouth in a smile. I finished my coffee and slid out of bed. I dressed and kissed him on the cheek, and left the cell to go wash up. Maggie was in the bathroom, and I was glad to see her. She looked at me in the mirror as I came in.

"Somebody didn't stay in that extra cell last night." She grinned wickedly at me in the mirror.

I put my hands on my hips. "How did you know?" I asked.

"Went to check on you." she replied. "When you weren't there, I figured I knew where you were. So are you two okay?"

I leaned against the counter. "As well as two screwed up people can be." I replied. "We're working on it." I looked down at my ring. "He asked me to marry him."

Maggie squealed and grabbed my hand, bringing it close to her face. "When?" she cried. "How? Where? Did you already? Is this a wedding ring? How dare you get married without me there!"

I laughed and pulled my hand back. I twisted the ring around my finger. "We're not married yet. He asked me right before Merle, uh…" I trailed off, and then cleared my throat. "He didn't really ask, so much as he said he wanted to marry me. I've had the ring for a while, but he just recently brought up marriage. He told me last night he wants to get married today."

"Today!" Maggie shrieked. "What are you going to wear? What time should we be there? What should I wear? Can I be your maid of honor?"

I held my hands up to stop her flow of questions. "Whoa. Hold your horses." I said. "We're not doing it. I said no."

Maggie's face fell. "Ever?"

I shook my head. "Not never, just not today. I told him we need to fix what's wrong between us, before we jump into forever."

Maggie frowned. "But you don't have forever."

I blinked. She was right. We didn't have forever. We didn't have tomorrow. What was I waiting on, exactly? I loved Daryl and he loved me. Isn't that all that mattered? I looked over at Maggie and held up a finger. "Hold that thought." I said. "I'll catch you later."

Maggie sputtered at me as I left the bathroom, but I ignored her. I raced back to Daryl's cell. He was standing on the outside, waiting for me, leaning against the wall. I ran up to him and threw myself into his arms. I kissed him, hard. When we broke apart, he held onto my shoulders and leaned back to look into my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "I want to get married. Today. Now. I don't want to wait."

Daryl squinted at me. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I said,  
breathlessly. "I want to be your wife today."

He raised an eyebrow. He still didn't seem as if he believed me. "What changed your mind?"

I held up my hand with the ring, and I put it on his chest, over his heart. "The promise of no tomorrow."

Daryl took my hand and lifted it to his mouth, pressing my palm against his lips. "I'm going to go talk to Hershel."

I nodded. "I'm going to find Maggie and have her help me get ready."

Daryl looked down at me affectionately. It was always striking to see tenderness in his eyes. "It's bad luck to see the bride on her wedding day."

"I don't care." I said. "I love you."

Daryl took my other hand and put both of my arms around his neck. "Not as much as I love you." He drew me to him for a long kiss. "I'll be back in a bit." He walked down the hallway and around the corner. I watched until he left, and then I turned back to the cell, my heart lighter in my chest than it had been in such a long time. I couldn't wait to marry Daryl. Truly.

I left the cell and went to find Maggie. She was on her way out of the cafeteria, and I grabbed her hand, pulling her to the side and away from everyone else. "We're doing it!" I said.

Maggie grinned and hugged me. "I knew it." She pulled on my hand and started walking away. "Now come on. We're going to make you look amazing."

The next several hours went by in a blur. Maggie fussed over me, fixing my hair and dressing me in a pretty dress she had found on a run some time back. It was a little yellow dress with a white lace overlay, and it fit perfectly. I loved it. I wanted to see Daryl, but Maggie wouldn't let me leave her cell. She went in and out of the cell several times, but she wouldn't tell me what she was doing.

The last time she left she was gone over an hour, and I got antsy. I wanted to see Daryl. I got out of the chair I was sitting in, and I stretched out my back. It ached from sitting so long. I smoothed out my dress and left the cell.

"Where do you think you're going?" Maggie was marching down the hallway towards me.

"To find Daryl." I said. "I want to see him."

She smiled. "Then come with us." She stood sideways and extended her hand, and Rick came around the corner. He walked up to me as Maggie walked away. He held out his arm for me to slip my hand in. I did, but I gave him a puzzled look.

He looked down at me affectionately, but I wondered if his eyes were tinged with a little sadness. "Someone has to give you away."

Tears rose up in my eyes, but I grinned at him through them. I stood up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Rick." I said.

From behind his back he brandished a handful of wildflowers. "For you." he said. "We each picked one out."

I took the flowers from him, touched beyond words. I brought them to my nose and inhaled them. They were mismatched and all different lengths, but they were the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen. I clutched them to my chest. He kissed me on the cheek, lingering for just  
the tiniest of moments.

Rick pulled away and patted my hand. "Ready?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and nodded. A mix of emotions ran through my body; I was nervous and excited and happy and scared all at once. "Ready." I said.

Rick began walking me down the hallway to the outside of the prison, but when we got to the doors he stopped. "Forgot something." he said. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out . It was a ring. "Thought you could give this to Daryl."

I took it from him. It was a plain silver band. I looked up at Rick. "Where did you get this?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Took it off a walker. Cleaned it before I gave it to you, though."

I laughed and closed my fist around it. Rick never ceased to amaze me. I couldn't speak, so I nodded my thanks, and Rick seemed to understand. I tucked my hand back in his arm and we pushed through the front doors together. It was a beautiful day outside, with a slight breeze and a bright blue sky. Rick led me around to the side of the prison into an open field area, and there I saw everyone in our group, gathered in a circle. I looked them over; they were all smiling, even Carol. My heart warmed me from the inside out. Daryl stood in the middle with Hershel, and he turned towards me as we rounded the corner. Daryl was standing in a circle of wildflowers, just big enough for the two of us. He smiled my most favorite smile when he saw me, and I knew that instant in my heart that I was doing the right thing. Rick walked me down the small hill towards Daryl, and he held onto me until I stepped over the circle and stood next to Daryl, who took my hand. He was wearing a blue button-down short-sleeve shirt, and his angel wing vest. His hair curled away from his ears and onto his collar. I grinned stupidly at him, happier than I had ever felt in my life.

Daryl and I turned towards Hershel, who smiled kindly at us. "Who gives this couple in marriage?" he asked.

"We do." Everyone standing around us said, including Hershel. Goosebumps popped up onto my skin. Obviously they had planned this. I loved them all so much.

"We are assembled here today to celebrate the joining of this man and this woman in the unity of marriage. Will you please face each other and join hands?" Hershel asked. Daryl and I turned to each other. He squeezed my hands, and I squeezed back. I gazed into his beautiful eyes.

Hershel turned to Daryl first. "Will you take this woman, whose hands you hold, choosing her alone to be your wedded wife? Will you live with her in the state of true matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor her at all times, be faithful to her, until death parts you?"

"I will." Daryl replied.

Hershel turned to me. "Will you take this man, whose hands you hold, choosing him alone to be your wedded husband? Will you live with him in the state of true matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor him at all times, be faithful to him, until death parts you?"

"I will." I said.

"Do you have the rings?" Hershel asked. I had given my ring back to Daryl that morning to give to me at the ceremony.

"Yes." I said. Daryl looked at me questioningly. I let go of his hands and slipped the ring out of the bouquet where I had tucked it. Daryl smiled at the surprise.

"Repeat after me." Hershel told me. "With this ring, I thee wed."

I took Daryl's left hand and slipped the ring onto his finger. It fit. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Hershel turned to Daryl. "Repeat after me: with this ring, I thee wed."

Daryl took my hand and slipped the ring back onto my finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Hershel looked at us both. "Let no man tear asunder what God has joined this day. I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Daryl drew me into his arms and kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss I'd ever

had. When we broke apart, Maggie let out a whoop, and the rest of the group closed in on us, hugging us happily. Daryl and I got separated in the mix, but we kept stealing happy glances at each other.

After a bit of chatter, Glenn clapped his hands to get our attention. "We have liquor in the cafeteria. Let's go!"

A cry of approval went up from the group, and they all trooped inside. Daryl and I hung back. I went automatically into his arms, and he kissed me again.

"My wife." he said. He ran a finger down my cheek. "My beautiful wife."

I sighed contentedly and leaned into him. He smelled of soap and clean clothes and love. "My husband." I said. "I love you so much."

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I have a surprise for you." he said.

"What's that?" I asked. He had a mischievous look on his face.

He shook his head. "You have to wait and see. You'll find out once we're done celebrating with the group."

"Aww." I said. "I want to know now."

"Nope." he said. He kissed my forehead. "Let's go inside. The faster this is over the faster I can show you my surprise."

I laughed. "Okay."

Daryl took my hand and led me inside to the cafeteria.


	28. Chapter 28

We toasted to our marriage and had fun with the rest of our people, but I noticed that Daryl only had one drink, while everyone else was getting pretty loose. I followed his lead and nursed one drink, too. I wasn't sure what his surprise was, but I knew I didn't want to be too drunk to enjoy it. After a couple of hours, I noticed Glenn slipping out of the cafeteria. Maggie stood up and ushered us out a few minutes later.

"Time for the newlyweds to enjoy being newly wed." Maggie pushed us gently out of the cafeteria. Everyone was waving and saying goodbye, and that puzzled me. When the cafeteria door shut behind us, Maggie turned to Daryl. "Everything's ready."

Daryl nodded. "Thanks, Maggie. Tell Glenn I said thanks, too. Everyone, really. You've all been great."

"What's ready?" I asked. Maggie just grinned and went back into the cafeteria. I looked at Daryl. "What's she talking about?"

Daryl took my hand. "Time to go, darling wife." He started walking towards the front of the prison.

"Go where?" I asked.

"You'll see." he said. He led me out of the prison and through the yard. His bike was pulled in front of the gate, and it was packed with Daryl's crossbow, our backpacks, and what looked like extra food and water. Glenn was waiting by the gate.

"Uh…" I said. "Are we going somewhere?"

Daryl winked at me. "Very astute of you." He let go of my hand and climbed onto the bike. He looked at me. I was still standing next to the bike. "You coming with?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Depends on where we're going."

He grinned. "Can't tell you. That would ruin the surprise. Hop on."

I studied him for a moment, and then shrugged. I hitched up my dress and got on behind him. He turned around and planted a kiss on my lips, and then signaled to Glenn to open the gates. Glenn let us out, and I looked back at him as we rode off. He waved, and I lifted a hand in return. The late afternoon sun was beating down on us, and I knew it would be getting dark soon. I hoped we were already where we needed to be when the sun went down. Daryl drove off down the road without any further explanation. He drove off in the direction of the hotel that we had gotten the supplies from, but he continued on past it. We drove for a while, Daryl navigating the roads expertly. Clearly he had been this way recently. I decided not to worry and to just trust him.

After some time driving, Daryl took a road off of the main highway and past some abandoned stores and restaurants. He turned left onto a wide road and we came upon a residential neighborhood. I looked around for walkers but didn't see any. Daryl pulled up to a two-story brick house on the edge of the neighborhood. He stopped the bike in the driveway and got off, holding out a hand to help me down. I took off my helmet.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

He smiled. "Honeymooning."

I didn't understand. "It's a house."

He just kept smiling. "Our house."

My jaw dropped open. "What? What about the prison?"

He laughed. "We're not living here. We're just honeymooning here. Glenn and Maggie helped me fix it up. I cleared out all of the walkers in the neighborhood, but we still need to check it again and make sure it's safe. But it's ours."

I turned my eyes towards the house. "It's amazing." I said breathlessly. I was so touched. "When did you all do this?"

Daryl shrugged. "When we weren't speaking. That's where I kept going."

That meant he had planned to marry me all along, even though he was afraid of being hurt or hurting me. I reached out and pulled him to me by his vest. I kissed him, hard, emotions flitting through me heart like fireflies. When we broke apart, he went to his bike and picked up his crossbow.

"You stay out here. I'm going to sweep the house again before we go in." He headed towards the house.

"I can help." I said to his retreating back. I hoped someone had packed my machete.

"Not this time." he said. He lifted his crossbow and put his hand on the front door knob. "There's something I want to do first, and it requires you staying right where you are." He opened the door and went in.

I watched him until he disappeared inside, and then I turned back to look at the neighborhood. It wasn't dark yet, but the sun was almost gone over the horizon. The houses were dark and quiet. I wondered how many walkers Daryl had disposed of by himself. The house Daryl had picked out was a red two-story brick house with green shutters. It was on the edge of the neighborhood, and I assumed he had picked that one in case we needed a quick getaway.

Daryl came back out of the house. "All clear." he said. He walked past me to get to the bike and picked up our bags. "Let me take these inside. I'll be right back." He walked into the house again. When he came back out he stopped in front of me. He wasn't carrying his crossbow. "Ready?" he asked.

"For what?" I said, right as he bent over and swept me into his arms. I laughed and circled my arms around his neck.

"Have to carry my bride into the house." he said. "Tradition."

I kissed him on the cheek as he carried me into the house. He put me down once we crossed over the threshold. I looked around the house. The people who had lived here were nice decorators. The furniture had a minimalist look, with lots of black and grays and whites. There was a decent-sized kitchen off of the living room, and I could see a dog food dish, which made me unexpectedly sad. Daryl took our things to the master bedroom while I explored the rest of the house. I ran my fingers down a large oval vase; it looked like Daryl had even dusted the various knickknacks. I meandered into the den and looked at the pictures over the fireplace, obviously of the family who had lived there before. I picked up a frame and studied the people inside of it. It was a husband and wife, and their daughter and son, who each had dark brown hair and piercing green eyes. I looked at them, wondering what had happened to them, and if they were dead and gone or walking around in eternal hell. I felt Daryl come up behind me, and he put a hand on my shoulder. He had an uncanny knack of knowing when I was sad. I put the picture down and turned to face him. I smiled up at him and put my arms around his neck. I brought him to me for a long kiss, letting his body take me away from my mind.

Afterwards we lay on the couch together. Daryl had brought a few blankets from the prison, and I wrapped myself in one of them. I snuggled deep into the couch on the inside of Daryl and put my head on his chest. I was drowsily counting the dots on the ceiling when Daryl spoke.

"I'm sorry for what I said about Rick." he said. "I didn't mean it."

The tone in his voice made me waken. I pushed myself up and looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"When I insinuated there was something between you guys." he said. "I know there's not, it's just…sometimes when I see you with him it makes me think you deserve better than me."

I shook my head. "Daryl." I said. "If I wanted anyone else I wouldn't be married to you."

He nodded. "I know." he said. "Sometimes I just feel like he's better for you than I am. He's more stable."

I laughed. "Hardly. He's had to be picked up as many times as the rest of us."

"Still." Daryl said. "He'd make a better husband for you."

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I don't want him. Rick's just my friend. You're the one I want."

Daryl smiled a tiny smile. "I've never been wanted before."

I reached over and moved a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. "Well, I do." I said. "More than I've ever wanted anything in my life, from the moment I met you."

Daryl caught my fingers in his as they left his face. "I think I fell in love with you right when I pulled you out of that swarm. You looked at me with such terror mixed with, well, hope, that I never wanted you to be afraid again. I wanted that hope to stay in your eyes forever. I haven't been very good at keeping it there."

My heart warmed at his words. "You've been better than you think." I said. "I'm not afraid as long as you're with me."

All traces of his smile left his face, and Daryl sat up, taking my shoulders in his hands. "I never want you to be afraid, ever again. I'm going to protect you every day for the rest of my life. I promise you that."

I couldn't think of anything to say that would do justice to his words. Instead I hugged him to me, closing my eyes and wishing I could freeze time. I wanted to remember his arms around me forever.

When we moved away from each other, Daryl took my hand and slipped his fingers in between mine. "When did you know you loved me?" he asked.

I thought for a moment; I wanted my answer to be just right. "I was always attracted to you." I started. "But I fell in love with you the night you let me touch your scars." Daryl nodded, encouraging me to go on. "It was so intimate, and I was so moved that you let a virtual stranger do that to you. I know we had known each other for a little while, but it never occurred to me that you'd be interested in me, too. You were so aloof and alone all of the time. I didn't think you wanted anything to do with anyone."

"I never thought you would like me." Daryl said. "But I guess everyone else saw us together before we did."

I studied Daryl. "You're so different since that first day I met you."

He inclined his head towards me. "It's because of you."

I shook my head. "I can't take the credit for that, Daryl." I said. "The only person who makes you who you are is you."

"No." Daryl said. "Things seemed…pointless without you. The whole world was darker. Sure I had Merle, but that was it. I didn't want to get to know anyone else. Until I met you. Then everything I thought I cared about seemed fruitless. I didn't know what it was to really live for someone else until I started living for you."

I didn't want to upset him, but I wanted to ask him something that had been bothering me. "How are you handling, you know, Merle?"

A little bit of the light in Daryl's eyes dimmed, but not by much. "Okay." he said. "Sometimes it hits me harder than others, when I remember after forgetting. But then I look at you, and everything feels right again."

He always surprised me. I smiled. "I can't believe how lucky I am." I said. "That somebody I love so much could even feel a tenth of the way that I do."

"I'd say we're both lucky." Daryl said, "There's not a lot of happiness to be found in this world anymore. " He sighed. "Anyway, my point was to say I'm sorry I'm so screwed up."

"We are all, Daryl." I said. "The point is that we love each other despite our faults. And I'll love you until the day I die."

I fell asleep, in his arms, and he was the only thing that mattered.


	29. Chapter 29

Daryl and I spent a few happy days in the house. He had boarded up the windows on the bottom floor, and barred the front door, but we were free to look out the windows on the second floor. I was enjoying a cup of coffee on the second floor when he came up behind me. I had opened the window and was letting the little breeze cool my skin. Sometimes I really missed air conditioning.

Daryl came up behind me and put his hands on my waist. He put his chin on my shoulder, and I reached up behind me and touched his face with my free hand. The neighborhood was quiet, and we looked out on it together for a few minutes. The sun was slowly making its way down to the horizon again. It had been a beautiful day.

"We should go for a walk." Daryl said.

"Is it safe?" I asked.

"I can take my crossbow and you can take your machete." Daryl replied. "We will be back before it gets dark. But I haven't seen anything threatening, have you?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Let's do it." I finished my coffee and we went downstairs. Daryl swung his crossbow over his back and I strapped on my machete. He moved the furniture away from the front door and we stepped out together. We joined hands and walked down the sidewalk, keeping our eyes peeled. Nothing moved or made any noise except for us, yet still we tried to be quiet. No need to attract attention, even if there was nothing to attract. "Gorgeous day." I said.

Daryl nodded. "Gorgeous day with a gorgeous girl." He smiled over at me, and I squeezed his hand. It was so nice, so normal, to just be strolling down the street with your loved one. I knew now why Daryl had chosen this as our "honeymoon". It felt like the old days. I tried to soak up every minute that I could. I wanted to remember this always. We walked quietly together for some time without speaking. Words didn't seem necessary.

Daryl and I turned a corner in the neighborhood and went down the next street. We both saw the commotion at the same time. A small throng of walkers had gathered on one house, and they were banging on the windows and roaming on the wrap-around front porch. Obviously something had drawn them there. Daryl and I stopped walking. We both drew our weapons; neither one of us had to ask the other if we needed to help. Our instincts were so in tune with each other by now that we didn't even need words. Daryl counted the walkers and held up seven fingers. He motioned for me to cross the street and come at them from the opposite side of him. I nodded. We broke apart, and we walked down the street towards the house on silent feet. When we reached the horde, we started taking the walkers down from behind, one by one. Daryl took two in succession with his crossbow, and I took down the one nearest to me. By now we had drawn the attention of the rest, and they lumbered towards us clumsily. My machete whirled as instinct took over. I don't know if it took thirty seconds or five minutes, but finally we had dispatched of the walkers. I wiped my machete off on one of the dead bodies, and Daryl collected his arrows. He turned towards me.

"I'll go in first." he said. "You stay close behind me."

"Okay." I said. I stood behind Daryl as he tried the doorknob on the front door. Surprisingly, it opened. He pushed the front door open and stuck in his crossbow. The house was dark, but obviously someone had been living in it recently. There were empty cans of food and clothing strewn about.

Daryl stepped into the living room, and I followed him. I shut the door behind me, just in case there were more walkers lurking about. The house was similar to ours, as most of the ones in the neighborhood had been, which made it easier for us to navigate. We checked out the kitchen and the rest of the bottom floor. Nothing. Daryl motioned towards the staircase, and I nodded. He began going up the stairs silently. I followed, hoping that it would be only the living we found upstairs, even though I knew that walkers couldn't navigate stairs.

Daryl tried the first door on the left, and it was locked. I could see him contemplate forcing it open, but instead he changed his mind and went on. The second bedroom door was open, and Daryl stepped into it to search. I stood by the doorway and kept watch. Finally he tried the last bedroom on the right, and it too was empty.

"Nothing." he said, emerging back into the hallway. "What were those walkers after?"

"I don't know." I said. "Maybe-"

The locked door down the hallway opened up then, and Daryl reached out and pushed me behind him. He pointed his crossbow at the door. "Who's there?" he barked.

A pair of hands poked around the door, followed by a bearded man. "I'm not armed." he said. He emerged into the hallway slowly, and behind him came a little girl with curly blonde hair. "We're not armed." he repeated again, when he saw Daryl's crossbow. Still, Daryl held it aloft. The man looked at us suspiciously. "How did you get in here? There were tons of those things outside of the house."

"We killed 'em." Daryl said.

I stepped up next to Daryl. "We came inside because we thought you might need help."

The man bent over and picked up the little girl. He walked towards us, but Daryl grabbed my arm and moved us back. The man stopped. "Thank you." he said. "Lily and I were trapped in here."

"Well now you're not." Daryl said. "We'll be going." Daryl was still clutching onto my arm, and he gently pushed me down the hallway.

"Wait!" the man said. "Where did you come from? We haven't seen anyone else around in ages."

"Keep walking." Daryl muttered in my ear. He turned towards them. "Don't worry about it. Y'all are safe now." He was pushing me from behind full force now. I looked apologetically over my shoulder. The little girl was watching me, her big blue eyes wide in her face. She was so thin.

"Daryl." I said. I was being marched down the stairs, and I stopped at the bottom. "Look at that little girl. She's hungry."

Daryl shook his head. "You know what happens when we're nice."

"We can at least bring them some food." I said. "We brought plenty with us."

Daryl still hadn't let go of my arm, and he squeezed it harder. "I told you before. You come first. Nobody else. Especially not strangers."

I looked back up the staircase, and the man and the little girl, Lily, were looking down at us. I wanted to say something, anything, but no words would come out. Daryl took me across the living room and out the front door. He checked the outside before we stepped out onto the porch. He walked down the driveway and turned as if to head down the sidewalk, but I stopped at the top of the drive. "Daryl." I said.

He whirled around, his crossbow still clutched in his hands. "What?"

I loosened my grip on my machete; I hadn't realized I had been holding it so tightly. "I feel bad." I heard a noise behind me, and I turned around. Lily had come onto the porch and onto the top step. Her blue eyes drilled into mine, and my heart squeezed in my chest.

"Lily!" the man came out of the house behind her. "I told you, you can't leave the house without me."

None of us saw it coming until it was too late. A walker lurched around the side of the porch and grabbed onto the man, sinking its teeth into the flesh of his shoulder. The man screamed; a terrible scream that spoke of death. Daryl and I took off at the same time. I sheathed my machete and reached out for Lily. I scooped her up in my arms and buried her face in my shoulder, for I knew what had to be done. Two arrows later, the air was silent again. Lily began crying in my arms. Daryl grabbed the two spent arrows and came over to us.

"We need to go." he said. "Let's get back to the house, quickly."

I nodded and followed him down the sidewalk, back to our house. I stroked Lily's hair as she cried into my shoulder. Her arms and legs were clutched around me, and she bounced against me as I half-ran back to the house. My heart ached. Daryl opened the front door once we reached the house and we stepped inside. He did a quick sweep and then closed the door behind us, pushing the sofa back in front of it. He dropped his crossbow on a side table and turned to face me. Lily had quieted down a little, but still she clutched on to me.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

Daryl looked at Lily, frowning. "We should probably get back to the prison."

I nodded, swallowing my disappointment. I realized then that part of me hoped we would never go back. To go back would be to wake up again, when I loved being in the dream. "We need to ask Rick what to do with, you know." I gestured to Lily.

"Okay." Daryl said. "We'll go back at first light in the morning."

I sat down on the couch with Lily still in my arms. She didn't look up, and I didn't make her. I just sat with her on the couch while Daryl paced around. After some time of no movement from her, I realized she was asleep. I gently unwound her arms from my neck and put her down on the couch. I grabbed a blanket and covered her with it, tucking in the edges like my mom used to do with me. Daryl was in the kitchen making more coffee, and I went to join him. I ran my hands down my face and leaned against the counter. I suddenly felt exhausted. Daryl brought me a mug of coffee and I took it. He had set up the kitchen so we could cook as best we could without electricity. Again, I hated to leave.

"So much for our honeymoon." I said ruefully.

Daryl put down his mug and took mine, setting them next to each other. He drew me into his arms, and I relaxed against him. He pressed a kiss into my hair. "We can always come back. I'm just glad you're safe."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his shoulder. "I'm worried about Lily." I said. "I don't have any experience with stuff like this."

"Kids are easy." Daryl said. "You just have to level with 'em. Don't treat her like a kid."

I thought of him with Judith, and I smiled. He really was a natural. It was almost humorous to think that tough old Daryl was great with kids. Thoughts of our child drifted into my mind, but I pushed them away. I had to focus on the present, not the past.

Daryl reached under my chin and brought my face up to his. He kissed me gently, and then harder when I responded. He reached for the buttons on my shirt but I stopped him. "We can't." I said. "She's in the living room. I don't want her to be alone when she wakes up."

Daryl sighed and let go of my shirt. "You're right." he said. Then he narrowed his eyes at me wickedly. "Maybe when she's down for the night? To say goodbye to the house?"

I laughed. "Daryl Dixon, the man with the one-track mind." He made a face at me but then he kissed me again. I slid my arms around his neck and we spent a while kissing before I heard a noise on the other side of the kitchen. I broke away from Daryl and looked over at Lily, who was standing in the doorway rubbing at her eyes. I stepped away from Daryl guiltily; so much for being there for her when she woke up. I walked over to her and knelt in front of her.

"Lily." I said. "Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"

She studied me silently for a minute before nodding. Daryl set to fixing her something to eat, and then he set it down on the kitchen table. Lily walked over to the chair and pulled it out. She climbed into it and dug eagerly into the food. Daryl and I took seats with her at the table. I waited until she was finished eating before I introduced ourselves to her.

"Do you need anything else, Lily?" I asked. "Are you thirsty?"

She shook her head. She still hadn't said anything, and I didn't know what to do. I looked over at Daryl for help. He leaned across the table towards Lily. "You don't have to talk to us if you don't want." he said. "But we're not going to hurt you. You're safe now."

Lily blinked her big blue eyes at him. Her curly blonde hair was in two little pigtails, and she looked so tiny in that chair it physically hurt me to look at her. I had a thought suddenly, and I stood up from the table. "I'll be right back." I told her. I went upstairs and into one of the bedrooms and dug around for what I was looking for. It took me a few minutes but finally I found it, and I went back downstairs. Lily had her hands folded in her lap and she was looking down at them. I came up to her and held out the stuffed rabbit that I had found in one of the children's bedrooms. Her eyes widened and she looked up at me hesitatingly, reaching out for it. I nodded, encouraging her, and she took it, clutching it to her chest.

"Thank you." she said. Her voice was so quiet, and it was muffled by the stuffed animal that she had buried her face in.

I smiled. "You're welcome."

Lily looked up at me. "I want to go to bed."

I looked over at Daryl. "Um, okay." I said. "Do you want to sleep in our bed?" She nodded. I held my hand out to her and she took it, climbing out of the chair. We walked upstairs together, Daryl following us. I helped her climb into the bed in the master bedroom, and she snuggled into the pillows and blankets. I tucked them in around her. When she was comfortable, she clutched her rabbit with both hands and looked up at me. "Are you going to leave?"

My heart clenched. "No." I said. "We'll be here the whole time." I looked over at Daryl, who was leaning in the doorway, one leg crossed over the other. "And when you wake up, we'll go on an adventure, okay?"

She smiled the smallest of smiles and nodded. "Okay." she said. She closed her eyes, and was asleep within minutes. I watched her; her little chest rose and fell with her breathing. Dark circles were under her eyes and her bones stuck out underneath her clothes. After a few minutes I slipped off of the bed and walked over to Daryl, who had moved and was sitting on the couch in the corner.

"I think that's a pull-out couch." I said. "Let's take a look at it and see. We can sleep there if it is."

Daryl didn't move. He was studying me silently, his eyes squinted.

"What?" I asked.

"You love her already." he said. "And you're a natural with kids, too, by the way. She trusts you."

I blinked. "I don't know anything about her, Daryl. I'm just trying to do what's right."

He nodded. "That's why I love you. I just know that from now on I'm going to have to share you, and I feel like I just got you."

I melted. I sat down next to him on the couch and wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed him. His arms went around my waist and he kissed me back. I pulled away after a few moments. "You have all of me, Daryl." I said. "We don't know what's going to happen with Lily yet, but you will always have my entire heart. I love you more than anything, ever."

He smiled, and I could see that my words made him feel better. We kissed quietly for a while on the couch before deciding to go to pull the couch out and try to sleep. Daryl arranged the bed and I grabbed some extra pillows and blankets. We snuggled underneath the covers together, our arms wrapped tightly around each other. I had no idea where tomorrow would lead us, but I wanted this night to stay in my memory for a long, long time. I wanted to forget the world and the walkers, and I just wanted to pretend that we were two people who were in love with each other and that everything else was normal and okay and right. I wanted to pretend that we didn't have to live in fear every day.

Daryl ran a finger down my cheek. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

I looked into his blue eyes a moment before speaking. "That this has been the best week of my life." I confessed. "I don't want it to end. I don't want to go back."

"I know." he said. "Me either. But we both know that this was all just a dream, anyways. It's not a reality."

I closed my eyes and buried my face in his neck. "Maybe I just wanted to keep dreaming."

Daryl pressed his lips to my forehead. "I always feel like I'm dreaming when I'm with you. I still can't believe how lucky I am."

"Me too." I said. My eyes were closing, and even though I wanted to stay awake and remember this moment, I couldn't fight sleep any longer. "I love you so much, Daryl." Husband. I heard him murmur the words back to me, and I let them carry me off to sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

Daryl woke me early the next morning. I yawned and rubbed at my eyes. As it always did when I woke up in the house, it took me a second to realize where we were. When I remembered we were on our honeymoon, I reached for him sleepily and smiled, my lips curving up seductively. Daryl caught my hands, though, and nodded over at the bed. I followed his gaze to Lily, who was sitting upright, holding the bunny rabbit.

Oops, I thought. I let go of him and slid out of the bed. I went over and sat next to Lily. "Did you sleep okay?" I asked her.

She nodded, her wide blue eyes looking up at me. She was so tiny in that big bed. I hadn't asked her yet, but I guessed she was three or four years old. If she hadn't been malnourished, she still would have been small for her age, all knobby knees and bony elbows. I wondered if perhaps Daryl and I could do a run and get her some new things to wear. But I'd have to talk to Rick first.

"Do you want some breakfast?" Daryl asked her, shrugging on his vest. She nodded again. He looked at me. "I'll get started on it, then. You guys can come down and keep me company." He smiled at Lily, the smile that I loved.

"Okay." Lily said. Her voice was so soft, but still she made eye contact with him. I thought that was important.

I dressed quickly while Lily climbed off of the bed. When we reached the stairs, she reached out and took my hand, and we went down them together. Every time Lily touched me, I felt more and more protective of her. Daryl was right; I was falling in love with her.

Lily and I took seats at the table while Daryl fixed us oatmeal and powdered eggs. He made coffee, and the three of us ate together, mostly in silence. I didn't want Lily to feel like she needed to talk unless she wanted to. When we were finished, Daryl went upstairs to pack up our stuff. Lily and I sat in the living room on the couch to wait. She played with her bunny quietly while I watched her.

Daryl checked outside for walkers and then loaded up the bike. We were leaving with less stuff than we came with, which was good since we had Lily now. Daryl went into the garage and came out with a bicycle helmet that looked like it would fit Lily. "Are you ready?" he asked us.

I looked at Lily, who nodded. "We're going to show you where we live, okay?" I said. "We have lots of friends there, and there are even other kids." Carl was hardly a kid anymore, but I hoped the thought would comfort Lily a little bit. Lily took my hand again and we went outside. We stood by the bike and I turned around, Lily's hand in mine and my bike helmet in the other. I looked at the house, wishing again that we could stay. Daryl threaded his fingers through the back of my hair and kissed me on the forehead.

"We'll come back." he whispered. He took my helmet and strapped it onto my head. "Ready, girls?"

I climbed onto the bike and Daryl picked up Lily, placing her in front of me. He got on and started up the bike. I wrapped my arms around Lily and grasped onto his vest. "Hold tight." I said loudly to Lily over the roar of the engine. We took off, and even though I wanted to, I didn't look behind me. I held onto Lily instead, keeping my focus on her.

The ride back was over before I knew it. The prison came into view over the horizon, and Glenn let us in when we arrived. We stopped the bike and Daryl helped us both off. Glenn came up to us, shifting his gun behind his back.

"Uh…" he said. "What happened?" He looked at Lily, who was holding my hand. When she saw his gun, she tugged on my arm. I looked down at her, and she held her arms up to me. I picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Daryl put both of our helmets by the bike.

"We need to go talk to Rick." he said. He took off for the prison, and we followed.

"I know you guys were gone for a little bit." Glenn said. "But not that long."

I laughed. "We'll explain." I said. "We just need to talk to Rick first."

When we got inside, Daryl greeted Hershel and asked where Rick was. He went off to find him. I didn't want to talk to him with Lily present, but I didn't want to leave her with strangers, so I let Daryl talk to him alone. I decided to take Lily to show her Daryl and my cell. I put her down once we reached the cell.

"This is where Daryl and I live." I said. She looked around, clutching on to her rabbit. She walked over to a lantern and switched it on and off. She picked up one of my books and flipped through it. Then she turned around to face me.

"Can I stay here, too?" she asked. That took me off guard, but I recovered quickly. I would have to make sure it was okay with Daryl, but I didn't want Lily to know that.

I knelt down in front of her. "We will do whatever you want to make you comfortable, Lily." I said. "Is there anything you want me to do?"

She looked down at her rabbit and plucked at one of its ears. "He wasn't my Daddy."

I was taken aback. "The man you were with?"

"Yeah." she said. "He just took care of me 'cause those things got my real Mommy and Daddy. I don't really remember them." She brought her eyes up to mine. "Are you and Daryl going to take care of me now?"

My heart splintered inside of me, and I knew then that I was a goner. I knew that I would do anything to protect her. I hoped that eventually Daryl would feel the same way. I definitely needed to talk to him. I put my hands on her little shoulders. "Yes, Lily." I said. "We're going to take care of you now, if that's okay with you."

She smiled. "It's okay."

Daryl came around the cell then. He smiled at Lily, and then looked at me. "Rick wants to talk to you. He's in the cafeteria."

I stood up. I put my hand on the top of Lily's head. "Are you okay to stay with Daryl?" I asked her.

"Yes." she said. She smiled shyly back at him. Daryl walked over and crouched down in front of her.

"Does your rabbit have a name yet?" he asked. Lily shook her head. "Maybe we can think of one." I left her and Daryl to it, and went to find Rick. I walked into the cafeteria, and he was sitting at one of the tables. No one else was in the cafeteria. I sat down across from him.

"Did you guys have a good time?" he asked. He wouldn't quite look me in the eyes.

I smiled at him. "Yes." I said. "It was amazing. I didn't want to come back."

"But you did." he said. "And with a little girl. You're a family now." He heaved a sigh. "How perfect."

I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn't like the tone in his voice. "Is something wrong?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I just think it's a big burden that you've brought upon the group."

"A burden?" I cried. "Rick, it's a little girl."

He looked somewhere over my shoulder. "We have enough kids to look out for. We don't need any more."

I took a deep breath to calm my rising anger and I laid my hands down flat on the table. "She was with someone who got bitten. What would you have had me do?"

"Leave." he said.

"Liar." I snapped. "You wouldn't have left her."

He dragged his eyes over to mine. "You don't know what I would have done. I've had to do a lot of things."

I couldn't believe he was acting this way. "Did you tell all of this to Daryl?"

"No." he said. "I felt more comfortable telling it to you."

"Why?" I asked. "Because I won't fight back, like Daryl would?"

He shrugged again, but didn't answer. His silence infuriated me. I didn't understand his behavior in the slightest. What had happened while we had been gone? Rick had been okay for a while now. Was he regressing again?

I felt my anger dissipate as I watched him, leaking out of me like air from a balloon. Finally I spoke. "What's going on, Rick?"

He frowned. "Nothing is going on."

"You're not acting like yourself." I said. "The Rick I know wouldn't turn away an innocent little girl."

His eyes burned into mine. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you think."

I shook my head. "You're one of my closest friends, Rick." I replied. "And I know you well enough to know that you're not acting like yourself."

He stood up. "I'm done with this conversation. You come in here and act like we're close, like I really mean something to you, but then you run off with Daryl and come back a perfect little family."

I got up from the table. "What exactly are you trying to say?" My heart started pounding painfully in my chest.

He came around the table and stood in front of me, looking down at me. "It was my decision to save you, not his. Remember that." He turned around and banged his way out of the cafeteria.

I sank back down on the seat. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, and I couldn't grasp onto any of them. I stared across the room, looking but not seeing. I didn't want to presume that I knew where Rick was going with all of that, but I had an idea, and I didn't like it.

How had I missed that? Everything between us seemed so…friendly. I didn't think that, after Lori, Rick could…and I didn't…there wasn't any way….Daryl. How could he do this to Daryl? He walked me down the aisle! I cast my mind over all of the times that Rick and I had been alone together. Had I missed something there? I tried to remember the look on Rick's face when I told him that Daryl wanted to marry me, but I couldn't picture it. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, dropping my head onto my hands. Things could never be normal, could they? Something always had to be complicated. I closed my eyes. I hated this.

I heard the cafeteria door open behind me, and I turned. Part of me hoped it was Rick so we could talk this out, but it was Daryl instead, and he was carrying Lily, who was holding on to her rabbit.

Daryl stopped in front of me. "Where have you been?" he asked. "You missed Lily meeting everybody."

I forced a smile onto my face and I stood up. "I was talking to Rick." I said.

Daryl squinted at me. Like always, he could read me like a book. "Everything okay?"

I nodded. "Yup!" I said. I reached over to Lily and brushed her hair over her shoulder. "Did you have fun meeting all of our friends?"

Lily nodded. "I'm sleepy."

I laughed, despite the panic squeezing in my chest. "Do you want to take a nap?" She reached out for me and I took her from Daryl's arms. She wrapped herself around me.

"Yes, please." she said.

"Okay." I said. "Let's go back to our cell." I looked away from Daryl's questioning gaze and left the cafeteria. He followed behind me, but I kept my focus on Lily. I was so shocked from my conversation with Rick that I was afraid I'd blurt it all out to Daryl, and I didn't want to say anything to him until I could figure things out. When I reached our cell I put Lily down in the middle of our bunk and I tucked the covers around her. We would need to find her a bed, but this would do until then. I handed her the rabbit and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. "Do you need anything else?"

She shook her head. "Will you stay with me?" Her big blue eyes looked up into mine.

I smiled down at her. "Of course." I said.

"Daryl, too?"

I looked over at Daryl, and he came over to stand next to the both of us. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. Lily seemed satisfied then, so she closed her eyes. Daryl and I watched her together silently for a while. When her breathing became regular, he let go of my shoulder and motioned to step outside of the cell with him. I stood up and followed him, gnawing on my lip.

Daryl stood outside of the cell and I leaned against it, holding on to the bars for support. He crossed his arms over his chest. "What's going on?"

I swallowed hard. I didn't want to lie to him, but I wasn't ready to talk yet, either. So I decided to give him some of the truth. Not all of it. "Rick is being weird about Lily."

Daryl frowned. "Weird how?"

I worried the inside of my cheek. "He's mad. He says she's a burden and that we shouldn't have brought her back."

If it was possible for Daryl Dixon to look shocked, he did right then. "A burden?' he asked, loudly. I shushed him, pointing towards Lily, and he lowered his voice. "Says the man who knocked up his wife." That stung, and Daryl knew he had said the wrong thing as soon as he said it. "I'm sorry." he said quickly. "I didn't mean that. I wasn't talking about you."

I waved him off. "I know." I said. "He told me he didn't tell you he was upset."

Daryl shook his head. "He certainly didn't. So why did he burden you with it?"

I couldn't look at his eyes. I shrugged. "What are we going to do?"

Daryl sighed. "Nothing. Lily stays. End of story. I need to talk to Rick." Daryl moved to go, but I grabbed his arm.

"No." I said. "Not right now. Let him cool off and think about what he said. Besides, you promised Lily you'd stay."

Daryl moved back to me, pressing the length of his body against mine. He leaned down and nuzzled his face into my neck. His lips were warm against my skin. "We're going to have to figure out how to have some alone time." he murmured. He trailed little kisses down my neck and onto my shoulder. "We're still newlyweds, after all."

I closed my eyes and put my arms around his neck. "Maybe we can find a babysitter." His mouth was on mine then, and my heart was full. There was room for nothing but him, and Lily.


	31. Chapter 31

Lily adjusted well in the prison over the new few days. Carl in particular took a shine to her, and he enjoyed showing her around the safer parts of the prison. Lily didn't like to drift very far from Daryl or me, but she seemed okay when she was with Carl. Daryl had found a spare cot and set it up on our cell. It was a little crowded, but we made it work.

The hardest part was avoiding Rick. The next day Daryl had gone to Rick alone to talk to him about Lily, and when he came back he said things were smoothed over, but Daryl only knew half of the story, and I wasn't ready to tell him the other half. Daryl had already been suspicious about Rick and me, and I didn't want to give him any more ammunition, even though there was absolutely nothing there, on my side anyway. But I wasn't ready to talk to Rick yet. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to assume anything, either. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if maybe I had read into what he was saying wrong. The longer time went on, I started to doubt myself. Still, it had made me uncomfortable, and I needed to discuss it with him. But I just didn't want to.

One morning we had all woken up and I had Daryl take Lily down to the cafeteria to get breakfast. I feigned an excuse so I didn't have to see Rick. After I cleaned up and dressed, I went back to the cell and got to work. Daryl and I had decided to do a run to try to find some things for Lily, so I started packing our bags. Lily would be staying with Carl, Maggie, and Glenn, the people she seemed most comfortable with. I had told her the night before that we would be going and that we would come back, and she seemed okay with it, if a little sad that we had to leave without her. I explained to her that Daryl and I were a team and we worked best together at keeping each other safe, and she seemed satisfied with that answer.

Daryl brought her back to the cell after breakfast to say goodbye. I picked her up, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I tucked a curl behind her ear. "We'll be back before you know it, Lily." I said. "Do you have anything fun planned with Carl?"

She nodded. "He's going to teach me how to play jacks."

I laughed. How simple things were now. Daryl grabbed our bags and we walked with Lily out of the cell towards the front of the prison, where Carl and Maggie were waiting. I put Lily down and hugged her. She was holding her rabbit, and I scratched its ears. "Goodbye for now, Fred." I kissed Lily on the forehead. "See you in a little bit, Lily." I waved to Maggie and Carl while Daryl said goodbye to Lily. I smiled, watching him interact with her. Daryl hadn't warmed up immediately, but I could tell he had become just as smitten as I was. When we were done with our goodbyes, Carl took Lily's hand and led her away so she wouldn't have to see us leave. Daryl and I slipped out the front door and headed towards his bike. Glenn let us out, and we headed down the road. We had decided to go to the Wal-Mart again. As we drove, I thought how surreal it seemed, that we were going back again to Wal-Mart, but this time for a new child. Of course we were going to get what we could for Judith, but our main goal was to get things for Lily. As I often did when we were riding together, I closed my eyes and rested my head on Daryl's back. It was so good to be with him without anyone else near. I knew Lily didn't feel comfortable with hardly anyone else yet, but Daryl and I were still newly married and it was hard to find time to spend together. The wings on his vest tickled my cheek, and I smiled to myself.

We pulled up to the Wal-Mart and parked in the same place as last time. Daryl and I got off of the bike and I withdrew my machete. Daryl swung his crossbow around front and paused outside of the closed door. Daryl nodded at me and I pulled on it from one side. The glass doors slid open after some tugging, and Daryl slipped in first. It was still light enough to see okay in the store, so we didn't need our flashlights. Still, Daryl and I proceeded with caution. We went up and down each aisle, looking for walkers. It looked much like it did last time, from what I could remember. There were no walkers. I wondered if walkers didn't come here because those of us who were still alive didn't hang around the store. Either way I didn't care. I just wanted us to be safe.

"All clear." Daryl said.

I sheathed my machete. "What should we start with?" I was asking Daryl if we should go for clothes, food, or other items first, but the look on Daryl's face stopped my line of questioning. He swung his crossbow around behind him and came up to me, looking down at me, his eyes dark.

"This." He took my face in his hands and kissed me, and I went limp against him. The unsatisfied desire that we felt for each other bloomed between us, and we stumbled over to the futon that we had used the last time. Fingers fumbled over buttons and clothes were tossed aside. Daryl was tracing kisses over my collarbone when suddenly he stopped. His breath was heavy against my neck and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"What?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

He looked up at me, and his blue eyes were ringed with pain. "The last time we did this here…"

Merle. He was thinking of Merle. I sat up, taking him by the shoulders. "Hey." I said, softly. I smoothed the hair out of his eyes. "Hey. It's okay to be sad, but nothing bad is going to happen. I'm right here with you." Daryl looked at me silently. I could see that he wanted to believe me, but this time I didn't think words would help. So instead I let my body do the soothing.

Some time later we were still snuggled underneath the covers. Neither one of us wanted to leave. I missed Lily, but I missed being alone with Daryl, too. His chest rose and fell as he breathed. I let it comfort me. He was my home.

"I don't want to leave." I murmured. I tightened my arms around his waist.

"Me either." he said. "But we've got to get back to Lily." It made me happy to think he cared for her as much as I did. "She'll worry."

I put my finger in the little dip below his neck and let it trail down his chest. "One more round?" I asked him sweetly. Daryl growled playfully and lunged for me. I caught him in my arms, laughing. He made me so happy sometimes I couldn't stand it.

After we were done we gathered the supplies we needed for Lily and Judith, including a couple of toys I hoped Lily would like and we went back outside. Daryl kissed me, hard, as we stood beside his bike. He ran his fingers through my hair and looked down at me. "I want you almost more than I did before we got here."

I grinned. "You're insatiable."

He shrugged and swung a leg over his bike. "You know it." I laughed and got on behind him. He secured our supplies while I put on my helmet and then he started the bike. We drove off, leaving the store behind us. I couldn't wait to get back to the prison and show Lily what we had found for her. The drive back wasn't long, as Daryl really knew how to navigate it by now. The prison came into view, and Glenn opened the gates for us when we got close. Daryl parked his bike and we got off. I took off my helmet and placed it on the seat while Daryl picked up our supplies. We headed into the prison together.

Hershel was sitting up front towards the doors, cleaning a pistol. "Did you get some supplies?"

Daryl nodded. He put down our bags on an empty section of the table. "Do you know where Lily is?"

Hershel nodded. "Out in the garden with Lily."

Daryl looked over at me. "I'll go get her."

"Okay." I said. When he was gone, I turned to Hershel. "Where's Rick?"

"I think he's in the guard tower." Hershel said. He narrowed his eyes at me. "You two are close. Do you know why he's been different lately?"

I swallowed hard and chewed the inside of my lip. I hated to lie. "No." I said. "I'll go talk to him, though. Will you tell Daryl that I went to talk to him?"

Hershel nodded again and waved me out of the door. I took a deep breath and stepped outside. Daryl hadn't emerged with Lily yet, so I headed to the guard tower. My heart was pounding already, but I had to talk to Rick. I needed to. My brain was all mixed up, and I needed to sort it out. I opened the door to the guard tower and headed up the long staircase. My heart got heavier with each step. I emerged onto the top and there was Rick, leaning over the railing and looking out. I closed the door and leaned against it.

"Did you find some stuff we needed?" He didn't turn and look at me.

"Yes." I said. He nodded, but he didn't speak. I pushed myself off of the door and walked over to the railing, a couple of feet away from him. "Rick." I said. He blinked but otherwise didn't acknowledge me. "We need to talk."

He shrugged. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Rick." I said again. "Stop it."

"There's nothing to talk about." he said. "You made your decision."

I held my hands up palms up. "There wasn't a decision to make." I said. "You never told me anything."

"That's because it was always him anyways." Rick finally looked over at me, and the sadness in his eyes was palpable.

I sighed. "I honestly didn't have any idea."

"Because all you can ever see is him." Rick replied.

I didn't have a reply to that because he was right. All I ever wanted was Daryl, and that wasn't going to change.

"Rick." I said.

He held up a hand. "Don't. Daryl is down there looking for you. You need to go."

I leaned over the railing and looked down. Daryl was holding Lily and looking out across the yard. I looked back over at Rick. He was gazing off into the distance. "Rick." I said again. He shook his head. I let go of the railing and went over to the door, pulling it open. I looked back at Rick before I slipped out and headed down the stairs. I wondered if maybe this was all just misplaced feelings for Lori. But I couldn't find out if he wouldn't talk to me. I opened the door and came outside and around the tower.

"Lily!" I said. She turned to me in Daryl's arms and grinned. He put her down and she ran over to me, leaping into me as I kneeled down on the ground. I laughed and smoothed her hair out of her face. "Did Daryl show you all of the cool stuff we found for you?"

"Yes." she said. She was holding one of the toys we had brought back, a stuffed pink elephant. "Look at its nose. It's long."

"It is." I said. "What do you think they use their long noses for?"

She shrugged and looked up at me, obviously waiting for me to answer. "It's how they eat and drink and do most of the things they need to in order to survive. They pick up food with the end of their trunks and bring it to their mouths. They drink through them and clean themselves with them, too."

Lily looked at me while I talked, her eyes wide. It made me sad that she wouldn't get to see an elephant in our world anymore. There were so many things that children deserved that they would never get. "I want to play in the garden with Carl." She wiggled out of my arms and I put her down.

"Don't go anywhere else." Daryl said.

"Okay!" she yelled as she ran off.

I stood up. "I'm sorry I missed you giving her the new toys." I said to Daryl.

He shrugged. "It's okay. What did you need to talk to Rick for?"

Nothing I could tell him yet. I was afraid it would do something irreversible to the group and I hadn't figured out a solution yet. "Nothing important. Is someone watching the kids in the garden?"

"I think Carol is out there." Daryl replied. He reached out and pulled me to him by my shirt. He nuzzled his face into my neck. "I think that means we can have some alone time inside somewhere."

I was aware that Rick could be watching us, so I gently disentangled myself from Daryl's arms. "Let's go inside then." I laced my fingers through his and stepped into the prison, Daryl following close behind. We ducked around everyone inside and headed to our cell. Daryl pulled the sheet over the door and immediately we went into each other's arms. Even though it hadn't been long, we both felt like we were making up for lost time.

We had to dress quickly and open the sheet after we were finished. We didn't have the luxury of lounging around undressed together anymore, since Lily could come in at any time. I sat down in the bed and Daryl sat across from me in the chair. I stretched out my legs and put them in his lap.

"I could take a nap now." I said.

"Are you sated?" he asked. I laughed.

"Yeah, definitely." He tickled the bottom of my socked foot.

"I'm not. I could keep going." He grinned at me devilishly.

I rolled my eyes. "I know." I said. "I figured that out about you pretty quick."

He shrugged. "Too late now. You married me."

I smiled at him. "Yeah." I said. "I did."

Lily came careening into the cell then, with Carl coming behind her. They plopped down on the bunk next to me and proceeded to tell us about their day. Daryl and I listened, but we kept sneaking happy glances at each other. It warmed my heart to see Daryl happy. I hadn't seen enough of it in our time together. Despite everything that had happened, it seemed like we were on our way to becoming as normal as we could be in this crazy world.


	32. Chapter 32

Lily grew more independent over the next few days. Her growth was remarkable. She didn't seem at all like that shy little girl we took away from that house. For someone who had known so much trauma in their short life, it was amazing. Everyone in the prison had fallen in love with her as much as we had, excluding Rick, who avoided her entirely. Fortunately Lily didn't notice. I couldn't say the same for Daryl, though, who noticed that something weird was going on with Rick.

We were eating breakfast a few days later. Rick had come in, eaten breakfast alone quickly, and then left. Daryl frowned at the door after he left and then looked at me. "What's up with him?"

I dropped my spoon into my bowl. I had lost my appetite. "I don't know." I hated lying to Daryl. I would have to talk to him. Today. As soon as we were alone. I couldn't keep something this important from the person who I trusted most in the world. Even if I was terrified as to what would happen afterwards.

"Should I talk to him?" Daryl asked. He was still watching the door thoughtfully.

"Just wait." I said. "It's hard to be the leader. Maybe we should just let him be for a while. Meanwhile, I've got garden duty today." I stood up, kissed Daryl and Lily each on the head and left the cafeteria. Daryl would be entertaining Lily this morning, and then I would take over after I got some work done outside. It was another sweltering day, and the sun beat down overhead already. I hate tolerated summer before, when we had air conditioning, but I really hated summer now. Especially a summer in Georgia.

I worked for a few hours in silence. It really liked working by myself; it gave me time to think. The prison was large, but the area we were in was small, and it could get crowded. I used the garden as my time to be alone, since I didn't get it very often, especially now that Daryl and I had assumed responsibility for Lily.

I was digging in hard into the ground around the cucumbers when a shadow stepped into the path of the sun that was beating down on my back. I assumed it was Daryl, so I took a minute before I learned back on my heels and turned around. I smiled and put my hand over my eyes to shield them.

"What are you two-" I turned, and it  
was Rick. He was looking down at me, his brow furrowed.

"Did you tell him?" he asked.

I dropped my tools and peeled off my gloves. "Tell who what?" I asked, even though I knew what he was talking about.

"Did you tell Daryl what I told you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I'm not really sure what you told me, Rick. You never really explained anything."

He frowned. "I didn't think I had to. I thought you got what I was trying to say."

I looked up at him, still holding my hand over my eyes. "I'm not going to assume anything about anybody, Rick. Why do you think that I told Daryl anything?"

"He just confronted me." he said.

I stood up, my stomach sinking. "What did he say?" I asked.

Rick shrugged. "He asked me what my problem was with Lily, and why I was staying away from you all."

I sighed. "I told him not to talk to you. I wanted to talk to you first."

Rick narrowed his eyes. "About what?"

"Really?" I asked. "You don't think we have anything that we need to talk about?"

He shrugged again, and I felt my temper rising. This wasn't the Rick I was used to. He was being unreasonable and unfair, especially to Lily. But at the same time, he was going through a really hard time. I had to be kind about it. "Rick." I said, softly. "I honestly didn't know."

He was quiet for a beat. Then the look in his eyes turned to anguish, and my heart sunk in my chest. "I never wanted this to happen." he said. "I'm sorry."

I took a tentative step towards him and put my hand on his arm. "Rick." I said. "Sometimes we just can't help how we feel."

He looked down at my hand, and then back up at my eyes. "I feel like I'm betraying Lori."

I shook my head quickly. "No." I said. "You can't think like that. Eventually you will have to move on. Not with me, but someone else. Someone who will be very lucky to have such a great guy like you."

"I can't help it." he said. "When I think about you sometimes, her face pops up, whether I want it to or not."

"That's normal." I replied. "That will take some time, and it will definitely be weird when you're actually with somebody. But I don't think Lori would be upset. She would want you to be happy."

"I still feel guilty." he said. "Especially when I see you with Daryl. That makes me feel even worse, because he's never been anything but supportive of how I do things."

I didn't know what to say. There never would be anything for Rick and me in the future, but I wanted him to know that I still cared very much about him. ""Rick, you mean so much to me." I said. "I'm sorry that things turned out this way."

Rick studied me for a moment. "I'm glad that you're happy with him. He takes good care of you."

I pulled my hand back from his arm. "He does." I said. "He's my entire world. Him, and Lily." I said that on purpose, and it got the reaction I was hoping for.

Rick looked ashamed. "I'm sorry." he said. "I'll try better. It's not her fault."

I smiled a small smile at him. "I would appreciate that."

He gestured at the garden. "Guess I should let you get back to it."

I bent over and picked up a tool. I held it out to Rick. "Or you could help me."

He smiled then, a genuine one, and nodded. He knelt down in the dirt and got to work. I stood watching him for a moment, a big grin on my face, before I sat down next to him and got to work, too.


	33. Chapter 33

The rest of that day and into the night things were better between all of us. Rick approached Lily and began to make friends with her, and he watched as Carl tried to entertain her. This left Daryl and I to have some alone time, and I knew I needed to talk to him about what had happened between Rick and I. I didn't want to, but if he found out something before I had a chance to tell him, he might never trust me again. And I couldn't bear that thought, over anything else that had happened between him. I needed him to trust me, as I trusted him. After dinner, I left Lily with Carl and Rick, and Daryl and I headed back to our cell. Daryl lifted the sheet and I stepped under it, into the cell. I turned around and Daryl was smiling that rare smile, the one that told me what he wanted to do to me. I bit my lip and held up a hand, stopping him in mid-reach for me.

"Daryl." I said. "I need to talk to you about something very important."

Daryl dropped his hand, the smile leaving his face. I could read his thoughts skittering around behind his eyes, and I didn't want to draw it out any longer. I didn't want him to wonder what I was going to say, even though what I was going to say had a very large chance of hurting him. "Okay." he said, softly. His tone cracked my heart open.

"Sit down." I said. I gestured to the bunk, and he sat. I dragged a chair over and sat across from him, letting our knees touch. I wanted to reach out and take his hands, but I held back for some reason that I wasn't sure of. "First of all…you know I love you more than anything in this entire world, right?" He nodded, squinting his eyes, but he didn't speak. I took a deep breath. "I need to talk to you about why Rick has been weird lately."

He frowned. "Rick?"

I nodded. "When we got back from the house with Lily, and you went to talk to Rick, I went after you to talk to him myself, as you know. Well…Rick was different to me than he was to you. He was angry, he was mean; he was upset with me that we had brought Lily back. I couldn't understand what he was saying to me. I told you what he said about Lily being a burden. I told him I didn't understand why he was acting like that, and then he told me that you and I just went off and came back a perfect little family. He told me that I acted like I cared about him, but then I ran off with you instead. He told me that it was his decision to save me that day from all of the walkers, not you. And then he left. That day after we came back from Wal-Mart, I tried to talk to him in the guard tower, but he wouldn't have any of it. He told me I had already made my decision, and that my decision was you. He was right, of course, so I left. Then after you confronted him, he came to me in the garden, asking if I had told you anything. I said I hadn't. But then he apologized and told me he never wanted any of this to happen; that he couldn't help how he felt about me. I told him it was okay, but that nothing could ever happen, because my heart belonged to you. And then I asked him to stop taking it out on Lily. That's why he's been hanging out with her, Daryl. He's trying. He's really trying. But I wanted, needed, to tell you all of this, because it didn't feel right leaving you out of it." I stopped, drawing in a shaky breath. His face was stone, and I couldn't read a single thing on it. My heart pounded painfully in my chest. "Say something." I finally said.

Daryl stood up, then. He turned towards the cell door and yanked aside the sheet, ducking under it. I scrambled off of the milk carton and followed him. "Daryl!" I said frantically. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

He ignored me, marching down the hallway. The scarf in his pocket bounced up and down with his angry steps. His shoulders were tense underneath his vest, the muscles rippling against each other. I continued calling out his name as he walked away from me. I knew where he was going, but I didn't know how to stop it. We passed Glenn and Maggie, and I shrieked out Glenn's name hysterically. Glenn stood up, following after us as Daryl shoved open the doors to the cafeteria. Rick was sitting at a table playing cards with Carl and Lily, and he stood up when he saw us, a look of acceptance on his face. He dropped the hand of cards he was holding and stepped out into the aisle as Daryl got closer. Daryl crashed into him, and my heart stopped in my chest at the horrible sight. It was worse than his fight with Merle, because Rick wasn't fighting back. He was letting Daryl pummel him. Daryl's fists were a blur, yet Rick didn't hit back. I ran over to the table and snatched up Lily, who was staring at them in horror. I picked her up and turned her towards me, putting her face into my neck. Maggie had followed Glenn in, and she grabbed Carl, who was also staring in shock. After a few seconds that seemed like they were hours long, Glenn jumped in when he saw an opening. He hooked his arms under Daryl's and pulled him up and back away from Rick. Daryl's face was wild. He had that caged look on it that I had seen so rarely, and it scared me. Lily was shaking in my arms, and I rubbed her back soothingly, even though I felt I was hardly any comfort. Carl broke away from Maggie and ran over to Rick, who was sitting up, wiping away the blood spurting out of his nose and his lip. His left eye was already starting to darken, and those were only the wounds I could see. Daryl had been a whirlwind, hitting him every possible place he could.

"What is going on?" Maggie asked in disbelief.

Daryl shrugged Glenn off of him and spun around, banging loudly out of the cafeteria. Maggie grabbed a paper towel roll and handed it to Rick. He ripped off a few sheets and held it up to his nose.

"I deserved it." Rick stood up, using a table to help support his weight. "I knew it was coming."

"Deserved it?" Glenn asked. "What's going on?"

Rick dragged his eyes over to mine. My heart was still galloping, and I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I didn't want anyone else to know about what had happened, but I hadn't told him not to tell anyone, either. Rick was quiet for a long moment, and then he spoke. "It's nothing." he said. "It's over now. I'll go find Hershel to bandage me up." He limped off, Carl helping him support his weight. Glenn and Maggie looked at me for answers, but I couldn't meet their eyes. Instead I turned my attention to Lily, who still had her face buried in the crook of my neck. I ran a hand down her long hair.

"Are you okay, Lily?" I asked.

She squeezed tight around me. "Why was Daryl hurting Rick like that?"

Everybody kept asking me the question I couldn't answer. "I'm sure he didn't want to, honey." I said. "But I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"

She pulled her head back to look into my eyes. Hers were so innocent, yet still they looked old and wise. She had been through so much in her short life. It really wasn't fair. "I'm fine." she said. "I'm worried about Daryl. And Rick."

I put her down, back onto the bench where she had been sitting playing cards. I looked back at Maggie and then gestured at Lily. She nodded in understanding, and motioned to Glenn. They took seats across from Lily, picking up the card game where the others had left off. I bent down and kissed Lily on the top of the head. "I'm going to go check on them. I'll be back in just a little bit. Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "I'm okay. Go make sure they are." She turned back to her cards, and I knew I was dismissed. I left the cafeteria, not sure where to go first to find Daryl. I didn't know where either one of them had gone. I headed back to our cell first. I needed to check on Daryl and make sure he was okay both emotionally and physically, and then I would check on Rick. I didn't want to hurt Daryl any more than I already had by checking on Rick first. Daryl wasn't in there, so I turned around and went to the infirmary next. He was there, sitting on the bench where we had let me touch his scars, putting alcohol on his knuckles. They were the only things that were hurt on him, as Rick never lifted a hand back to him. I sat across from him, taking the alcohol from his hands. I took one hand and brought it close to me, taking my time in cleaning the wounds. When I was finished, I set aside the supplies and looked over at Daryl. I tilted my head and studied his eyes, which were blank. He made it so hard to read him sometimes.

"Daryl." I finally said. "Do you feel better?"

He waited a minute before answering, and then he heaved a sigh. "Kinda."

I rolled my eyes. "That was completely unnecessary."

He shrugged and looked away from me, breaking our eye contact. "That's just what I do."

I frowned. "Beat the living crap out of people when you're upset? That's healthy."

"How else was I supposed to show him that you're mine, not his?" he asked.

I held up my left hand in answer. "Maybe he already knows that. We did get married. He did walk me down the aisle."

Daryl slammed his fist down hard on the table, making me jump. "I know." he said. "That's what makes me so angry. He betrayed me. Us."

"Daryl." I said. "He didn't do anything but tell me how he felt. Very reluctantly. He never made a move on me or did anything inappropriate."

Finally he dragged his eyes back over to mine, and the pain in them was striking. "He doesn't have to touch you to hurt us. What he did was enough."

I didn't know what to say to that, because he was right. Even though I felt nothing for Rick like he felt for me, still he had driven a wedge between the three of us. Daryl had always been Rick's secondhand man; the guy willing to follow him into whatever battle he chose. I didn't know if that would be the case anymore, as I didn't know myself if I could follow a leader that I didn't trust.

"I need to think." Daryl said. "Alone."

That stung me, but I understand. I stood up, stepping over the bench and away from the table. I turned and walked towards the door. I put my hand on it and turned back around to Daryl. "You know that nothing he said to me is mutual, right?" I asked. "It's always been you, and it always will be."

Daryl squinted at me a moment before finally nodding his head, once. I turned back to the door, pushing it open and letting it shut behind me. I left the infirmary area and went to find Rick, who was in his cell with Carl. When I stepped into the doorway, Rick sighed.

"Carl." he said. "Can you give us a minute?"

Carl frowned at me, like this was my fault, which I suppose he was right about. He hesitated a moment and then left the cell. I stepped aside, and then back into the doorway when he was gone. I paused.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

Rick shrugged. I took that as a yes, so I walked into the cell and sat down across from him, on Carl's bunk.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"As best as I can be." he said. "Considering."

I studied his face. It was already bruising and swelling, and it looked like maybe his nose had been broken. It had tape on it already, I assumed from Hershel. It made my heart ache, knowing he was hurting both inside and out. And there wasn't anything I could do about it. "I'm sorry." I said. "None of this should have ever happened."

"I shouldn't have told you." he said. "That was my mistake."

I shook my head. "No." I said. "I'm glad you told me. I should have been honest with Daryl sooner, though. Maybe he wouldn't have exploded like that."

"You know he would have exploded anyway." Rick said. "That's just who Daryl is." He was right, of course. That's how Daryl reacted to situations; it was all he knew. Maybe it made him feel better; I wouldn't ever know that. I wouldn't ever understand it, but I accepted it, because when you loved somebody, you loved them, flaws and all. No matter what.

"I'm still sorry." I said. "You deserve better than this."

Rick shook his head. "I have betrayed everybody that I cared about. This is all on me."

"No, Rick." I said. "This is hard right now, but things will get better. They have to. We have to stay a family."

"It's hard to stay a family when you're in love with someone you shouldn't be in love with." He didn't look at me when he said that, but still it shocked me to hear it. It was the first time he had really admitted it, or said it out loud. I sat back on Carl's bunk, temporarily speechless. "Why can't I just switch it off?" he asked. His voice was low and searching, and it tore at my heart.

"We can't choose how we feel, Rick." I said. "Love usually chooses us first, before we even know it. And by the time we realize it, usually it's too late to do anything about it."

"Like you with Daryl." he said. "And Daryl with you."

"Yeah." I said softly. "Like that."

"I just want this to stop." Rick said. "The feelings that I have. I don't want to be this way anymore. It's going to damage our group more than it already is, and I don't know if we can survive that. Maybe I should go away for a bit. One of those places you guys have been."

I held up my hand. "Rick." I said. "Going away is never a solution to a problem, it just delays it. And besides, none of those places have worked out very well for us, or have you forgotten already?"

"Then what do I do?" he asked, bringing his eyes back up to mine. "What do I do to fix this? To fix myself?"

I didn't have the answer to that. I was lucky that Daryl felt for me the way that I did for him; that I didn't have to go through what Rick was unwillingly going through. I wouldn't trade places with him for anything in the world. I couldn't imagine the anguish of seeing someone you loved loving someone else. "I don't know." I finally said, honestly. "I don't know what to do." What I chose not to say was that Rick would have to move on. He would have to find happiness somewhere else, because it wouldn't be with me. But I couldn't speak those words; he was hurting enough already and I just couldn't pile it on. Instead I let my words drift off, and Rick and I sat there in silence for quite some time.

Finally I stood up. I walked over to Rick, put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. Then I let go and walked out of the cell, leaving Rick alone.


	34. Chapter 34

Daryl was missing from the cell when I came back later with Lily, but I wasn't worried. I tucked Lily into bed and crawled into our bunk, turning to face her. I watched her while sleep took her away, her tiny little body tucked underneath the blankets. Her curly blonde hair was spread over her pillow, and she was clutching on to Fred and her elephant tightly. Her fingers relaxed as she fell asleep, one by one. My eyes shut as I looked at her; I wanted to stay awake and wait for Daryl, but the day's events had exhausted me. I could feel my body preparing itself for sleep, and I couldn't fight it any longer. I let myself go.

It felt like I had only just drifted off, but I must have been asleep for hours, because I awoke and it was very dark in the cell. I wasn't sure what woke me up at first until I felt a body slide close to mine, and I realized that a hand was on my neck, tangled in my hair. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark, but I knew it was Daryl. My body could always tell when his was close to it, and my heart picked up speed. He lowered himself silently down onto the bed and his mouth hovered over mine. When he spoke, his lips brushed against mine, and I felt myself arch towards him.

"I love you." he said, softly but firmly. His mouth clamped down onto mine then, taking away my opportunity to respond to him, so I slid my arms around his neck and squeezed him roughly to me. His bruised and broken hands slid down my waist and went to rest on my hips, pulling them to his own. There were a few minutes of quiet passion before I remembered who was in the cell with us.

I pulled away from his face, my lips sore and swelling already. "Daryl." I said. "Lily."

Daryl looked down at me with eyes full of sadness, eyes that I could see now that my own had grown used to the dark. They shone like lamplight in the cell, and his gaze made my heart jump around in my chest, just like it always did when I knew I had his full attention. "I need you."

Those three words touched me even more than the first three he had said. Daryl so rarely admitted his true feelings; he was so good at hiding everything that when he spoke frankly it always shocked me.

I opened my mouth to speak but Daryl cut me off. "Please."

I looked back into his eyes, blinking slowly. I slipped out of the bunk from beneath him and held out my hand to him. He took it and stood up, and I led him from the cell. Before I left the doorway, I looked back at Lily, who was sound asleep. I hesitated for just a moment before I turned into the cell next door to ours, telling myself that if Lily stirred I would definitely hear it. I didn't bother to cover the cell with anything; this late at night if anyone was up and walked our way we would hear them before they got to our cell. I stood in front of the bunk and looked up at Daryl in the moonlight. I reached for him, grasping his sturdy shoulders and pulling him against me. I slid my hands up his neck and into his hair, twining my fingers into it. I pulled him down to me while I stood up on tiptoe to meet him, and our mouths collided. Daryl kissed me like he hadn't ever kissed me before. It didn't take long for him to push me down onto the bunk, and he settled himself over me. His hands wandered over me tenderly, following the curves and contours of my body, and I shivered beneath his touch. He finally dragged his mouth away from mine, trailing it down my neck and onto my collarbone. He took my hand from his hair and brought it up to his mouth, palm up. He pressed a warm kiss into the middle of my palm, then took my hand and placed it flush against his chest where his heart thudded close to the surface. He looked down at me beneath him, his brow furrowed. "You are mine."

Tears rose unbidden behind my eyes at the look on his face. It was full of longing, and pain, sadness, and even fear. It seared right through me to my soul. I nodded. "And you are mine."

He screwed his face up tight as if he was in pain and entered me then with a rush; I bit my lip to keep from crying out. Daryl was never rough with me, ever. He knew what I had been through, and I knew he would never hurt me like that. But he was using my body to comfort his aching soul, and I knew he needed it, so I let him. I turned off my mind, and I turned off all thought except for Daryl and what he was doing. I let him fill me to the brim, and I let him fix what ached inside of me, too.

I awoke the next morning back in our cell with Daryl next to me. My body ached after our night of hard passion, but I was okay with that. I felt lighter than I had in days. I propped myself up onto my elbow and looked down at Daryl, who was sleeping next to me, curled tightly against me. His arm was draped around my waist heavily. A lock of his hair had fallen over his eyes, and I tucked it back off of his face. He looked so vulnerable without the instinctual hardness that usually occupied his face, and I loved him so much then. I wanted to protect him and keep him from harm, always. I lifted my eyes over him to Lily, who was still sleeping as well. Her I wanted to protect also. It was weird to me, to have gone from having nothing since Matthew died to having everything I could possibly ever want. I had thought that when I lost my child with Daryl that I would never want to even try to have kids again, but Lily had changed my mind. She was so sweet and innocent and pure; that was worth giving up everything for.

Daryl stirred next to me, and I looked back down at him. He opened his eyes and grinned before he knew what he was doing. I loved that first moment he woke up because it was the only time I truly saw him without his mask. He let down his guard around me, but never completely. It was always there, shielding him. I wanted to be the one to do that instead.

I slid back down into his arms, which he wrapped tightly around me. "Hey, you." I said. I pressed a kiss onto his collarbone through his shirt.

He squeezed his arms around me. "Hey yourself." His lips were in my hair.

"Last night was nice." I murmured. I felt him still, and I pulled back to look at him. The mask had descended back over his face. "What?"

"I was afraid I had hurt you." he finally said. "Again."

I shook my head vehemently. "No." I said. "We both needed that, I think."

The frown didn't leave his face. "I don't want you to think that's what I want you for."

"Daryl." I said. "I know better by now. It was something we both needed." We had barely talked the entire time we had made love, over and over. Usually we whispered endearments to each other, but last night it hadn't seemed necessary to speak. We had let our bodies do the talking instead.

Daryl squinted at me. "I just needed to know that you're mine. Forever. And never his."

I slid out of his arms and leaned over him, taking his face in my hands. His hair curled out beneath my fingertips, and I loved the feel of it in my palms. "I am forever yours and yours alone." I said.

His face seemed to ease a little, and so did my heart. I was always in turmoil when he was. My emotions were tied to his no matter what I did. If he was up, I was up. If he was down, I was down. "So what do I do now?" he asked.

I sighed. I knew he was referring to Rick, but I still didn't have any answers about that. I knew that the group couldn't continue with a large rift in it; that was for certain. I opened my mouth to reply to Daryl when we both heard Lily stirring. Daryl rolled over to face her.

"Lil Bit." he said, using his recently adopted pet name for her. "Sleep okay?" She yawned and stretched, lifting Fred high in the air.

"I did." she said. "I'm hungry."

Daryl slid out of bed and pulled on his pants before he plucked her from the covers. He swung her playfully up in the air and onto his hip. "Let's go wash you up and then we can get some breakfast." They left the cell, Daryl turning to wink at me before they disappeared around the corner. I stretched out my achy muscles and grabbed the clothes I wanted to wear. I walked down to the bathroom and washed up, taking my time, as I knew Lily would be just as happy with Daryl's company as she would mine. After I washed up I made my way back to our cell and tidied up a little; it had gotten pretty messy once Lily moved in. I went down to find something to eat when I was finished. The cafeteria was empty; everyone must have made their way to their respective chores. I wasn't sure what I had been assigned to, but I decided to find out after I ate something. I dug around and found a can of peaches. I smiled as I took it from the pantry, thinking of the time Daryl had given me peaches, the morning after I had touched his scars. I clutched the can to my chest, lost in memories of that night.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

I jumped and spun around at the accusatory voice. It was Carol. She was standing behind me back a few feet, her arms crossed across her chest. Her expression was hostile. "What?" It was all I could think to say.

"What do you think you're doing to this group?" Carol asked. "Are you trying to split everybody up?"

I was so shocked it was hard for me to formulate any full sentences. "What are you talking about, Carol?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please." she snapped. "Don't play stupid. Everyone knows what you've done to Rick and Daryl. I knew when you walked in that first day that you would cause us nothing but problems."

My fingers were squeezing involuntarily around the can of peaches. "Problems?" I asked stupidly.

She crossed over to me in a few long strides. She stood in front of me, glaring at me with hatred and disdain. "Do you think you could just have every guy that you want? That you can just open your legs and they will come running? Rick had a wife. You could barely wait until she was cold in the ground before you tried to fuck him too."

My hands were starting to shake, which was knocking the can against my chest painfully. "I don't know what you're talking about, Carol." I said. I didn't want to say too much, because I didn't know how much everyone else knew and I didn't want Rick, or Daryl, to get hurt. I stepped around her, intending to leave the cafeteria. But she reached out and grabbed my arm, squeezing it hard with a surprisingly strong grip.

"You are not going to get away with this." she hissed, close to my ear. "You will not ruin what we had before you came along." She let go of my arm and shoved me. I stumbled a few steps before I regained my balance. I left the cafeteria, my arm throbbing where she had squeezed it. I was back into the cell before I realized I was still holding the can of peaches. I sighed and tossed them onto the bunk, no longer hungry. Her last words kept running over and over in my head. What did she mean, "What we had"? Was she referring to her and Daryl, or to the group as a whole? I had no answers, and no way to get them.

I knew I had probably been assigned a task to do for the day, but I figured I should lay low and keep my head down. I pulled the door shut to the cell and lowered the sheet. I had already straightened up the cell, so there was nothing to do inside. I sat down on the bunk and reached for one of my books. I scooted back against the wall and brought my knees up, opening the book and resting it on them. I read two sentences before I tossed it aside in frustration. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything. I rested my head against the wall and sighed. I didn't know what to do to fix this. I couldn't fix Rick, I couldn't make Daryl stop hurting, and now I was dividing the group. If sides were chosen, I knew that nobody would take mine but Daryl. And the group needed Daryl. I couldn't take him away from them. He was their second in command, the guy who did the dirty work when it needed to be done without questions. Rick was always emotionally involved. He made a great leader, but that was his flaw. That was where Daryl stepped in. If I took that away from them, people could really get hurt. People would die. I couldn't have that blood on my hands.

I needed to talk to Daryl. I needed to tell him what was going on. Hiding out wouldn't help the situation any, and it was just selfish of me to try. I stood up and pulled aside the sheet, sliding the cell door open. I left the cell and headed towards the front of the prison. Daryl was usually assigned things outside, so I went through the front door and decided to check and see if he was on watch first. I passed the garden, where Lily was hanging out with Carl and Beth. I waved to Lily and kept walking down the sidewalk towards the gate. I had reached the SUV parked out front when I came to a stop. Daryl was talking to Carol, who was gesturing animatedly back towards the prison. Daryl was facing towards me, but I hadn't stepped out from behind the SUV yet, so he couldn't see me. He was looking down at Carol with a frown on his face, his hand held up to shield his eyes from the morning sun. He wasn't speaking; he was letting Carol do all of the talking, which worried me. I stayed low behind the car and watched them for a few minutes. At one point, Carol reached out to touch Daryl, and he pulled away. She dropped her hand back to her side. My heart thundered away in my chest. After what seemed like an eternity, Carol walked away, and Daryl turned back around to watch for walkers. His shoulders were tight and drawn in as he walked back and forth along the fence. I wasn't sure if I should approach him or wait for him to come find me. I couldn't let him know I had been watching him, as that seemed mistrustful. I had just decided to go find Lily in the garden instead when I saw Daryl dart forward. He drew his knife and ran up to the fence, swinging his crossbow back around behind him. He lifted his arm back and brought it forward, straight into the forehead of a walker standing in front of him on the other side of the fence. He yanked his knife out and ran over to the next one, dropping it like the first. He had put down five walkers before I finally decided to emerge from behind the SUV. I ran down the grass towards him and reached out, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him backwards.

"Daryl!" I cried. "Stop it! What are you doing?"

He wrenched himself from my grasp and backed away, breathing hard. His eyes were bright and wild, and his chest was heaving. His knife was still clutched in his right hand, dripping sinew and bits of brain onto the grass. He didn't respond.

"Daryl." I said again, softer this time. "What happened?"

Suddenly he reached across to me and swung me around to shove me against the fence. The metal gave behind me and then bounced me back forwards, knocking some of the breath from my lungs. "Is what she said true?" he barked into my face. His fingers were digging into my shoulders. I looked behind me anxiously. Daryl had disposed of any walkers that were close, but the commotion was drawing more from afar, and they were shuffling towards us slowly. I squirmed against his grip, but he didn't let up.

"Daryl!" I cried. "Let me go!"

He leveled his face in front of mine. His eyes were full of despair. "Tell me what she said isn't true."

My panic was rising. I could see walkers approaching out of the corner of my eye. I could hear their low guttural moaning humming towards me. Daryl had my arms pinned to my sides, and I couldn't reach for my machete. "I don't know what you're fucking talking about!" I nearly screamed in his face. "Let go of me!"

"I can't lose you to him. I can't." Daryl didn't look like himself, and it scared me, almost as much as the walkers.

"Daryl!" I yelled again, trying to snap him out of whatever had gotten ahold of him. "Let me go! I'm going to get bitten!" I craned my neck back around. Walkers were within two feet of me. The first one, a woman in a red dress, was reaching her decayed fingers out to me. Her mouth would have been hanging open if she still had a lower jaw, but it was long gone.

Daryl shook me against the fence. "Tell me you didn't do anything with him! TELL ME!"

I opened my mouth and screamed as fingers reached through the fence and yanked at my hair, pulling my head back. Suddenly a million things happened at once. Daryl was knocked aside and away from me, and he crashed to the ground with Rick on top of him. Glenn was stabbing the walker behind me with his knife, and Maggie was pulling me away from the fence and into her arms. My entire body shook as I collapsed against her. Tears were streaming down my face; I ignored them. I could hear Rick and Daryl tussling in the grass behind me, but I didn't want to see it. I had seen it once before, and I didn't want to again. My stomach heaved, and I pushed Maggie away from me as I turned and threw up into the grass. I sank to my knees and retched for what felt like hours. When I was finished I sat back on my legs, which were trembling. Maggie let go of my hair; she must have been holding it back for me. I looked up and across the courtyard. Standing in the doorway to the prison was Carol, watching me. When my eyes met hers, she turned and went into the prison, melting into the darkness. The door shut behind her.


End file.
